Night_Angel

Just wondering where you are? Hope your day was ok.
Let us know.

#1Texan http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

#1 Texan
I am here today. Saturday was a busy day. We had A kid's park fund raiser form 9:00 am until 2:00pm and I had A baby shower to go to from 2-4 and my nephew had 4 year old birthday party from 2-4. Then at 5:30 we went to a fund raiser for the school's athletic program . So we were going all day.

Staying busy.

I understand about being busy. The weather has been nice here and that sure helps when I have errands to run.

I hope things are going ok for you and yours.

Take care
#1 Texan http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

#1 texan

It was very beautiful here yesterday. And today looks like it to. Hope you have a wonderful day.

Things are going to be okay for us right now I am still dealing with the ill husband. We have some major conflicts or subjects on the table between us right now. But He still refuses to communicate with me right now. But I bet sometime today we will come to talk because he has something that he wants to get done and I refuse to do. So I know this day will probably end on a sour note. The children will not be at home today and he is off work until 2:00 am. So I know we will cross paths sometime before lunch today. I just pray that he will open his eyes and use his mind to make a good decision

[This message has been edited by nite_angel (edited 03-10-2003).]

Morning

I will be thinking of you today. I hope things will not be to terribly bad.

Stick to your guns.

I will check on you later in the day.

Take care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
#1T

Angel, you have such an uplifting... cheerful... positive attitude! To carry such a load on your shoulders and stay positive or at least hopeful is really your innner strength and what ultimately will pull you through your darkest moments.
Stay in touch; you have a lot of support here.

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Gina

#1 Texan,

Good evening it's 5:41pm. Hey I was letting you know that things are okay. thanks for thinking about us.

God will bless you.
nite-angel

Hi Angel

I glad you had a good day. Hope your evening is okay too.

God has blessed us both, he led us to this board, I know it has helped me just reading about options that we all have and how people handle the stuff in their lives.
Please kee me posted as to how you are doing.
You have my support plus others.

Take Care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
#1Texan

Ginalee and #1 Texan

Thanks for all the encouragement . I always want the best for my children. It deal with my husband the best I know how.

I have to stay positive. I ask the good lord to bless me with children. After 8 1/2 years we went through surgeries and fertility drugs to have them and they are wonderful and very brilliant. My 6 year old is reading 5th grade level books and has all A's. The 5 year old is very advanced also. the 6 year old has just been tested for gifted program. So I do have lots of wonderful things to stay positive about.

I appreicate the people that will listen to me vent. I know I will probably never leave their dad. unless he gets violent. But they knows his drinking is not a good things and that it's wrong to indulge all the time.

Thanks for listening

Just keep on venting. It helps to focus on someone elses pain and acomplishments. It helps us all. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

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Gina

Angel

We appreciate you too. This is a small paragraph that I was led to in the Big Book (AA) a few years ago. I have modified it to fit me. All may not agree, but it has helped me get thru some tought times.

When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away. And acceptance is the answer to my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my (co-dependency), I could not find peace, unless I accept life completly on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitude. We are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying I know better than God.

The co-dependency part is what I changed for my self, If I recall is originally says "until I could accept my alcholism"

This was the only thing I could really relate to from AA.

I mean no offense to any one, that I have modified this to help me.

Take Care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
#1Texan

#1 Texan,

Thanks for the wonderful words you have wrote.

We all have are problems and nobody is perfect. I can see through all the different posts that my problems aren't as bad as some and I do hope that I too can help someone relieve their pain and frustrations with everyday life. Some people are to proud to admit that they have problems and may enjoy read these post to help them cope. Some may not want to let everyone know that they are in trouble. But I am one to tell what I feel and if I am at fault. Because I ask my husband sometimes if I am being to objective towards him. I don't want to down grade him by no means I only wants to help him But I have to stand on my grounds also.To let him know that he has problems that need fixing. If I truely Didn't Love him I would not Care. But He's a wonderful person. he just want communicate with us most of the timeunless we ask him a question.

take care
nite_angel

My ex was the same way, I felt I was always asking him what was wrong and then it was like pulling teeth to get a response.

We were married for 18 years and it got really bad after my son was born, my x felt so much pressure at being responsible for 2 people, he did a good job providing for us, he always went to work and did what he was supposed to do, but as soon as work was over for the day he would hit the beer joints or come home and start drinking.. He admitted to me after we divorced that he was depressed and the drinking took the bad feelings away.

I think I married to young, I went out of my mothers house to my husbands house, I never did go it alone.

I believe now I married for all the wrong reasons, I wanted to be needed and I thought that he needed me, he did for a year and then no more.

I was heavy and I felt this is my only chance.

Things just went down hill from there. At around 13 years he told me he didn't love me. No if's ands or but's.
We were married about 15 years when I lost a bunch of weight, found a really good job, went out on my own and bought a car in my own name, became independant of him. He hated it. I was 36 when we divorced, and I know now I never really loved him. I re-married to a wonderful man and it's been an adjustment being respected for my feelings, thoughts, actions etc.

I respect you for trying, and standing your own ground.
Please always feel free to vent, sorry I went on and on.

Take Care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
#1T

#1 Texan,

Our lives seem to be simular.

However, I was 16 and my mother though since he was 6 year olders than I that he was to experienced for me. She would not allow me to date him. So I went on with my life and found some one that was from a well to do family . After 2 years we date and then married for 4 1/2 years I lived in missery. He to drank but would never come home he also done some drugs and the last time I was beat pretty bad then I decided to leave.

So about 9 months on my own I met the man that I had dated when I was 16. after 1 year we got married and he seems to drink to calm his nerves he says.

I know for fact that he does not run around and doesn't stop by the bar on his way home. Because his terminal is 1/2 mile from the house. He leaves around 12:30 to 2:00am. and he drives about 600-800 miles a day and then comes home around 5:00. He does this 3-4 days a week and makes good money. He has to go by the house to go to terminal. and there are no stores and bars between here and there.

But things could always be worse than they are. I know he has a hard day but on the days that he is off he will open one around 10:00 and won't quit until he goes to bed. sometime around 6:30 -7:00. My days aren't so hard.

I stay at home and I keep my sister two children from 7:30-4:45, I do alterations, bake cakes and also make eels and bait catchers for a bait shop. Then in the summer I clean Beach Homes on Saturday. But I do have two years of college and worked in Dental office for 8 years and decide to stay home with my children until they are both in school all day. Then I plan to go to college and get teaching degre and work at school so that I don't Have to put them in extended day at school. I know it sounds like I smother my children but they have lots of room. I Just had them for me to raise and not the daycares.

Thanks for listening again,
Take care,
Nite_angel

How funny.. my x is 7 years older than me. I felt that there was a generation gap there also. Mine was/is a mechanic for the Chevy dealership in the small town we lived in, so he was close to all the bars.
When we married I worked in a day care, then I had my own home cleaning business, I did the same as far as doing with my son that you are doing now, so I don't consider it smothering.
I got tired of cleaning homes not because of the money, but I wanted some health ins., the x dropped us (me& child) off of his. So I applied at one of the state agencies and got the job. I've been here going on 7 years and I LOVE my job.
I went from small town life to meeting all KINDS of people.

One thing that stays with me is we were playing softball at a friends house one Saturday evening about 6 in the evening, I hit the ball and ran toward first, I stepped on a rock or twisted, I'm not sure, but I went down. My ankle was on fire and I cried for him to help me.. he sat there and made fun of me, said I was faking it..of course he was drinking. I crawled about 50 feet into the house where our hostess gave me an ice bag to relieve the swelling. I'm still crying and finaly at 11 he got mad and took me and my son home, I begged him to let me drive as my right foot was ok, NO!, thankfuly we got home ok, he went back out there....
He would not let me go to the E.R., said it cost to much..so Monday morning I was able to get into see my Dr. My ankle was broken in 2 places, when I got home he was mad because it was broken and how was I going to work with a broken ankle. To say the least it was a horrible 6 weeks.

I am sorry to go on and on. I am glad to hear you are out of the abusive relationship. But for me just living with an alcoholic is abuse..


Take care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
T

Hey things are quite the same. (between you and I). My first husband was very inconsiderate and a alcoholic and drug addict and very abusive. So my second husband is the one that my children are by and he is just an alcoholic but provides for us well. I just keep to myself and try to avoid him.

I am very worried because I know that his trucking company is going bankrupt and he has asked for me to sign with him to purchases his truck but I don't want to because of the economy is unstable. His boss told him that he wanted to have the paperwork done by friday this week. He told him this on Saturday. But my husband and I both voice are opinion nicely to each other and he Doesn't want to hear what I say The last time he talked to my brother he told him he was going to bite the bullet and buy the truck. But he can't do anything unless I sign with him. But I don't want to. and he has avoided me since saturday. I told him on sunday that we needed to sit down and talk about it but he got pissed and went to bed at 7:00 am in morning. Then in 1 hour he was up and hasn't said anything else to me.But last night he came home and siad that one of the other 3 drivers had went yesterday and got theirs financed. My response was "really". and nothing else was said. I refuse to bring up a sore subject with him so any day now he will have to talk. I dread it. But before friday it will happen.

Thank again for listening and hope things go well for you.
nite_angel

Nite: I dont see why you would have to co sign for the truck if your husband makes good money. The seller just wants to intimidate a little. My friend just bought a fairly large truck and they were willing to accept his income and the truck itself as the only security, with nothing down. Since fuel prices are so high nobody knows what will happen. There is lots of risk right now.

Hi Angel

You stick to your guns about this. Let him figure out a way to buy or not buy, if the company is going bankrupt then your husband ought to be looking for work elsewhere. If anything were to happen and say you two divorce for whatever reason, you may be liable.

I agree the economy is to shaky right now for any big purchases. I read yesterday that if we do go to war we will go into a recession.

Let him pout(sp) he will either get over it or not.

After what you said this morning, his income is the big factor in this anyway.

HANG IN THERE

Please keep me posted.

Take Care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
#1 T

openseason,

MY HUSBAND HAS MADE SOME PURCHASES WITHOUT ME SIGNING AND HAS NOT MADE GOOD ON THEM NOTHING MAJOR BUT HIS CREDIT ISN'T THAT GOOD. EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS IN MY NAME WITH HIM ON IT. IF HE COULD DO IT HE WOULD DO IT NO MATTER WHAT I THOUGHT. AS YOU MOST PEOPLE THAT HAVE PROBLEMS AREN'T ALWAYS ON TIME WITH THEIR BILL PAYING.
HE JUST HAS TO HAVE MY SIGNITURE.

I AM SORRY THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE IT AT FIRST. ANYWAY HAVE A GREAT EVENING. MINE IS GOOD SO FAR.

#1 Texan,
Yes I got that loud and clear . But I would not be hateful to him and leave him with unpaid bills. The less bills that we have the better things can be.have a good evening everyone.
nite_angel

Angel
Sorry if I hit a nerve. I never meant to imply that you would be hateful to him.

Take Care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif

#1Texan

Angel,

Try to keep in mind that when you make a post...ask a question...ask for opinions...etc. The ones that respond are working with whatever information you gave and we do our best to understand the situation as well as the things that may not have been said. From what I know of you and what you are facing on a daily basis has quite a lot of unstable/shaky overtones...and undertones.
Try to leave your thoughts in the background and allow anothers' thoughts to be considered so that you can form your thinking based on the several responses you receive. Take what you want...leave the rest but understand that this board is meant to support you, me and anyone else that is looking for a shoulder to lean on or answers to questions, etc.
My motto is: Don't ask; unless you are willing to accept the answer.
And since the subject at hand is whether to co-sign for the truck...or not. If you sign; I think you'll regret your decision. You may not ever consider picking up and leaving him with "all the bills"...but are you absolutely sure that HE wouldn't do something like that to you? Think about it.

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Gina

Ginalee and #1 Texan,

I did not get upset. I wrote In the insert that I didn't realize that my caps was on until I had aready written most of it. Sorry maybe I sould have reworte the message.

Have a good day!!
nite_angel

Thanks to everyone for the wonderful responses and all the points of view that was given to me in a time of need. I am sorry for the misinterputation. Thanks for listening . I am truely sorry that I didn't go back and retype everything in normal lettering and left them in all caps. Because of that some of yall seemed to think I was upset but I wasn't.

Thanks Again and have a wonderfull evening.
nite_angel

[This message has been edited by nite_angel (edited 03-12-2003).]

Nite, my feeling that you were upset...angry came from:

"Yes I got that loud and clear . But I would not be hateful to him and leave him with unpaid bills."

That line is what made me write what I did. I had no intention of trying to make you feel bad either...it was to point out that this is a support board..and sometimes, you won't always like what others' say.

You're fine. You are great! Please don't feel bad.

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Gina

That is the line I took to heart. I know emotions are hard to comprehend in these things, The loud and clear is what got me.

#1T

Nite, I hope you don't feel that you aren't "wanted" on this board. That would be so far from the truth; you've endeared yourself here and there are many of us that want to hear from you and be here for you if you want us. Give us an update... okay?

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Gina