Hi all~
I want to start by saying this is the first time I've posted to this board, but I've been reading everyone's posts and you are all so brave to share your stories. I admire all of you for reaching out to others.
I'm posting to find out what you all know about marijuana and the effects it has on people who smoke it regularly? My husband has smoked it regularly, behind my back, for probably 7 years now. We've had fights about this subject throughout our marriage. He never does it around me, or in our house...only with his friends, whom he spends alot of time with. He knows how strongly I feel against him doing it (we even separated for 7 months last year because I caught him), but he continues to do it. He says he is not addicted and has even tried to make the argument that one cannot become addicted to marijuana. Is this true? Although I can never tell if he is high or not, it seems to me his personality changes. He gets very rude with me...and short tempered. Is that something to be expected with people who smoke pot regularly? Any ideas on what I can say or do to get him to quit? I feel like it's (pot) more important to him than his marriage to me.
Any and all responses are welcome, please! Thank you!

H Marley,

Sorry, but I can't help you on whether pot is addictive or not, but I can tell you that I am fighting the very same battle with my husband. We've been married for 17 years. I have begged him a million times to NOT BRING IT IN THE HOUSE, but he continues to do so. I guess the next step is to throw the crap out myself!! Sorry I couldn't help you..I just wanted yo let you know you're not alone.

Lilbit

Yes pot is addictive. There was a book written years ago called marijuana alert. Its no different from alcohol and its effects on the family. You are what is called a pot widow and there are many families living with the problem.

Way back in my teenage years I smoked dope...a lot. I started at age 14 (1974) and stopped when I was 21. I just never "took" to it. I got high as a kite and then some but the effects that I got were just not pleasant. Oh dopey me... I really thought that smoking dope...droppin' acid...doin' speed and coke was just a teenage phase and once I became an adult I would stop doing it all. And I did stop it all too...but good ol' beer (the "legal" stuff) had me and wouldn't let go.

I can't imagine being addicted to pot and I am really one addictable individual. However, just because it didn't take me by the throat doesn't mean it can't happen to others... your husband very well could be addicted; who knows, but it's a question for him to answer, not you. It is your decision to make whether you are willing to live with it. I wish you well.

P.S. When I chose to quit doing pot and the other stuff... I had to end my relationships with my friends in order to do it. I only know of one other friend from back then that doesn't do it today.

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Gina

My fiance has smoked for years and argues that it wasn't addictive so I challenged him to quit. He found that while his body was ok if he stopped, he obsessed over pot constantly. He has been completely sober for a month now and says that while he occasionally thinks about drinking, he still thinks about pot a lot. He tells me now that he was addicted psychologically at least. We had the same arguments, not around me not in the house so on and so forth. It took almost losing a job he loves because he was screwing up because he was stoned and hung over all the time for him to get on track. And whether it is addictive or not, I would say it is selfish for him to be a family man and have such an expensive habit.

JUST MY OPINION!!
Marijuana is an illegal 'drug', but not addictive.

I say 'drug', I believe, and again my opinion.. a drug is chemically altered. Pot is grown in the wild, like any other weed or plant, picked, dried, and smoked. Unlike the real illegal drugs. Including alcohol,its a drug, but legal. GO FIGURE.

Imagine the deficit if marijuana was legal, but then again marijuana wouldnt be marijuana if done so.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

AGAIN JUST MY OPINION, AS I KNOW THE WRATH THAT CAN COME ABOUT WITH DIFFERING OPINIONS. That is out of character for me and will not respond to absurdities lol

I think if you compare pot to cigarettes, it seems like pot is not addictive because pot smokers take one or two spliffs per day as compared to 40 or fifty cigarettes. About 20 percent of pot users end up having panic attacks after years of pot use. I think that pot must be addictive, because some people cant get through a day without it.

I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that pot is addictive. My ex-husband (the reason he is my ex is because he smoked pot 24 hours a day and did nothing!)This man would sit on the couch and smoke joint, after joint, after joint and stare mindlessly at the tv. He could remember nothing. I mean his memory is so bad from the pot that he can't even pass a written driver's test. We were together for 6 months and up until the day I threw him out he still had to have written directions for the cab driver to get home. He couldn't even remember how to get home! Plus, it effected him sexually also, making him almost completely impotent! He could not stop! Nor did he want to stop! He also claimed pot was not addictive, however he was unable to function, not that he functioned that much while smoking it, without it! I will never be with someone again who smokes pot! It stinks, it is expensive and the more they have the more they smoke! He made me drive 1 hour, 1 way on christmas eve in a snow storm because he just "had to have it"! What a waste! I hope that something I have said helps. I will pray for you!

Thank you so much for all of your responses. It really helps to hear other perspectives and that I am not alone. I feel like I have nobody to talk to about this. I don't want to talk to my family or friends about it, because I don't want them having a negative opinion about my husband. And, obviously, talking to my husband about it hasn't helped. It's just so hard for me to believe that he continues to choose pot over me and our marriage. He knows how seriously I feel about the issue...when we separated for 7 months over it a few years ago, he was miserable and willing to do anything to put our marriage back together. Well, obviously, that didn't last too long. The thing is...He has a great job, one that he's been with for 7 years, and the pot has never affected him in that way...as far as absenteeism, or being late...those things aren't a problem for him. But I've noticed that the pot makes him rude and snappy with me. I feel like I can barely ever disagree with him on anything without him becoming loud and argumentative. Even his pot smoking friends have told him that he's very lucky to have me as a wife and if I don't want him to smoke pot, then it shouldn't be an issue for him. Thank you, again, for taking the time to read this. Any other responses are certainly welcome.

~Marley

This is going to be a very strange post but here goes: I wouldn't have minded at ALL if my ex would have smoked pot on a daily basis. (he could afford it financially) He was so verbally abusive and nothing about me (or any woman for that matter) could be good enough for him...but when he smoked just one joint of that crap.... he would turn into an angel... the transformation in his personality was incredible. Figure THAT one out!

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Gina

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years! He keeps wanting me to move in, but I won't because he smokes pot ALL the time - in the a.m. , lunchtime, after dinner and before bed! I believe most of us have tried it, or maybe even smoked for a couple years, but there comes a time when you have to grow up!!!!! My BF is 34 yrs. old and he is hanging out with 19 - 25 year olds ( only to get high of course). It's ridiculous! We have fought many times over this, I make comments about his friends,tell him it's time to grow up - nothing works! I believe it is addictive, or else he would be able to quit and realize how silly he looks hanging out with teenagers!!!

Nico

I seriously doubt your complaints will make a difference. If you can live with it then have at it. You should be thinking about what YOU want! Don't settle for less than you deserve. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Also, welcome to the board!

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Gina

Nico, if it is that all consuming to him and you hate it that much, I would say the outlook ain't real bright.

Marijuana brinks out the negative paranonia in some people. It brings negative thoughts to the surface in the hop head, which they project to others.

OS is right. Paranoia is one of the worst side effects of marijuana use.

I hope you can find the answers to what you already know.

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Gina

I am so glad that there are other people out there with the same sort of situation as me. My husband has smoked pot 5-6 times/day for the last 10 years. I too feel like he chooses pot over our marriage because he knows how much I don't like it. I just want a couple opinions to find out if I'm being crazy. I am confused because he really does love me and treats me extrememly well, but I having noticed he seems to be losing motivation (he strongly denies this because he goes to work everyday). Also, he makes hardly any money and spends probably $200-300 a month on pot. I make good money so he thinks that this is ok, but it really irritates me. Lately I have been thinking about what it would be like to have children with him and while I think he would be a good dad, I have a fundamental problem having a kid with someone who's most important thing in life is pot. He has even admitted that if I ever gave an ultimatum to him, he would choose pot because if I really loved him, I wouldn't ask him to give up something that is "part of him". Any advice?

If you have these reservations, you need to discuss them with him. You can't compromise on this if you feel strongly about it. I actually left for a wahil because of my fiance's use. It does affect your life in all areas and personally, I couldn't trust my fiance with my son alone kowing he was stoned. Thank God he gave it up and has been clean and sober for quite some time (55 days for beer, five months for pot) because now it seems like we have a life.