Bryl
10-23-2002, 10:06 AM
Anybody here into spanking? Anyone like to be punsihed and called names? Another kink of mine. Dont think the wife is up to it tho.
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mlgable
10-23-2002, 11:29 AM
You will never know unless you open up to your wife and tell her about it. Once you open up to her and get her opinion on this type of thing you may want to consider getting the book titled When Someone You Love Is Kinky. Good Luck. Remember marriage is all about compromising so talk to her.
Blastoff9600
10-23-2002, 12:03 PM
The first reply is so right. Talking is so important. Though I have to say it might take a while also. My hubby isnt into a lot things that I am but after several years of openly talking with him and then getting him to read the book Come Hither A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex, he opened up to trying the stuff I like.
The other book mentioned is also a good one to read.
The interesting thing is he really seems to get a kick out of the stuff we do now,though when it was first brought up he swore he could never get into.
So talk to your wife but be patient and make sure you listen to her point of view. Dont push her and be understanding of what she feels about it.
The other book mentioned is also a good one to read.
The interesting thing is he really seems to get a kick out of the stuff we do now,though when it was first brought up he swore he could never get into.
So talk to your wife but be patient and make sure you listen to her point of view. Dont push her and be understanding of what she feels about it.
Bryl
10-23-2002, 12:27 PM
What sort of stuff is it that he wasnt keen on? I get the feeling the stuff that turns me on might disgust her. I like the i dea of spanking her and coming on her etc etc. Pretty harsh really.
Blastoff9600
10-23-2002, 01:02 PM
Well he didnt like the idea of spanking or using a flogger on me. I also have showed him other things I want to try but we are taking it slow so he can get use to things at his pace.
You never know until you talk to her how she will feel about it. Though I cant stress enough that you need to tell her that regular sex is fine with you. That was a big problem my hubby had. He thought that the reason I was wanting do these other things is I wasnt happy with our sex life. It took me a while to convince him it had nothing to do with that. That I was more than happy with our sex life,that I just wanted to try out other things. So make sur eyou let her know you are still happy with your current sex life.
You never know until you talk to her how she will feel about it. Though I cant stress enough that you need to tell her that regular sex is fine with you. That was a big problem my hubby had. He thought that the reason I was wanting do these other things is I wasnt happy with our sex life. It took me a while to convince him it had nothing to do with that. That I was more than happy with our sex life,that I just wanted to try out other things. So make sur eyou let her know you are still happy with your current sex life.
Bryl
10-23-2002, 01:12 PM
So she might actually like it then> Some women like to be spanked? This sounds weird and i know ejaculating on a woman is classed as degrading but i really want to come on her boobs and face also and call her names. Sounds awful doesnt it?
gottabecute
10-23-2002, 03:01 PM
Also I dont believe in "gradually introducing" someone who is not willing to do that kind of thing. I think either you are tuned to it or not. I have been like that forever, its a part of me that needs to surrender and submit in exchange to feeling protected and to receive approbation, but I cant go about my everyday life behaving like that, so sex is a good venue to keep the balance (when we feel like that kind of sex). I think it is a complex mental process whether smne is turned on by this or not.
Like some women get dominant in bed. Well not my stuff at all, and it would be counter to my nature to even try and tie up a guy.
Like some women get dominant in bed. Well not my stuff at all, and it would be counter to my nature to even try and tie up a guy.
Blastoff9600
10-23-2002, 03:49 PM
Gottabecute,most people do go in gradually. You can't just jump into this kind of thing without knowing the rules and such. Also some people arent exposed to this kind of lifestyle until they are much older. Then they see that it can be a turn on when at one time they would have thought it degrading or a turn off.
Most the people I know who are into this did so gradually that way things could be learned correctly. I knew I loved this kind of stuff for a long time but when I found my hubby I knew it would take time for him to adjust to these kinds of desires.
Yes my hubby at first didnt like the same things as I do but as things have been gradually introduced he has become turned on by these things. So even if a person is not willing at first as long as the couple are open and talk then eventually some sort of compromise can be reached. Matter of fact hubby is now interested and even added things without me even mentioning it.
Most the people I know who are into this did so gradually that way things could be learned correctly. I knew I loved this kind of stuff for a long time but when I found my hubby I knew it would take time for him to adjust to these kinds of desires.
Yes my hubby at first didnt like the same things as I do but as things have been gradually introduced he has become turned on by these things. So even if a person is not willing at first as long as the couple are open and talk then eventually some sort of compromise can be reached. Matter of fact hubby is now interested and even added things without me even mentioning it.
gottabecute
10-23-2002, 04:05 PM
Blastoff, what I meant (sorry it was not very clear)is if smne for example is turned off or disgusted by the very though of it, the best you will ever get after a lot of talking and convincing will be, as you put it, a compromise. I dont want a compromise in sex and neither does my bf. We do what we both enjoy, period.
For example, I am turned off by submissive guys. i dont want to be dominant in bed, it is so not me. Even if a guy talks with me for hours and convinces me to a a compromise, I wont enjoy myself while doing it.
It is different than smne who is willing and turned on by that stuff and takes it gradually at first. The fundamental difference is, and my very point is: it is all about willingness.
So, in recap, there is no point, according to me anyway, in trying to convince smne to do it with compromise like "I will spank you with my hand only instead of a whip" if the girl is scared like **** or is disgusted or is just plain turned off. She might do it, but think "what a hassle".
So if your wife is not internaly tuned to it, you cant change that. Same as am not attracted to women, so dont ask me to have sex with one.
[This message has been edited by gottabecute (edited 10-23-2002).]
For example, I am turned off by submissive guys. i dont want to be dominant in bed, it is so not me. Even if a guy talks with me for hours and convinces me to a a compromise, I wont enjoy myself while doing it.
It is different than smne who is willing and turned on by that stuff and takes it gradually at first. The fundamental difference is, and my very point is: it is all about willingness.
So, in recap, there is no point, according to me anyway, in trying to convince smne to do it with compromise like "I will spank you with my hand only instead of a whip" if the girl is scared like **** or is disgusted or is just plain turned off. She might do it, but think "what a hassle".
So if your wife is not internaly tuned to it, you cant change that. Same as am not attracted to women, so dont ask me to have sex with one.
[This message has been edited by gottabecute (edited 10-23-2002).]
wrin
10-23-2002, 10:50 PM
I don't personally mind things like being came upon and called names and things like that. I don't even mind being tied up. I'm not sure I'm into spanking but I've never tried it, I'm just not sure how I'd feel about the pain thing so I think I'd be into something gentle.
I think that you should broach the topic gradually, I mean, hint at it and if you get some kind of huge AUGH NO response then you haven't implicated yourself and you might just have to see about what can be done. And I mean in the ways of satisfying yourself in some other way that perhaps your partner /knows about/ since the person you're having sex with should theoretically be close enough to you for you to be comfortable telling them about your kink, whether you expect them to participate or not. If you love them that much, you just might have to contend with stories to fantasize about, but that's of course up to you if it's osmething you can live without or not.
But bringing things up gradually is a good way to test the waters about how receptive your partner could be, and just because he or she's not 100% receptive they might find they enjoy it once they try it; I never thought I would enjoy things like that until I was with someone I was truly comfortable with, and now it's lots and lots of fun. Like someone already said, the kink isn't a replacement for vanilla sex, it's just another game we play.
But like someone else already pointed out, if your partner is less unsure as much as he or she is turned off by the kink, you shouldn't try to convince them if they genuinely don't want to. Maybe one day their curiosity will overcome them but you have to leave it up to them.
I think that you should broach the topic gradually, I mean, hint at it and if you get some kind of huge AUGH NO response then you haven't implicated yourself and you might just have to see about what can be done. And I mean in the ways of satisfying yourself in some other way that perhaps your partner /knows about/ since the person you're having sex with should theoretically be close enough to you for you to be comfortable telling them about your kink, whether you expect them to participate or not. If you love them that much, you just might have to contend with stories to fantasize about, but that's of course up to you if it's osmething you can live without or not.
But bringing things up gradually is a good way to test the waters about how receptive your partner could be, and just because he or she's not 100% receptive they might find they enjoy it once they try it; I never thought I would enjoy things like that until I was with someone I was truly comfortable with, and now it's lots and lots of fun. Like someone already said, the kink isn't a replacement for vanilla sex, it's just another game we play.
But like someone else already pointed out, if your partner is less unsure as much as he or she is turned off by the kink, you shouldn't try to convince them if they genuinely don't want to. Maybe one day their curiosity will overcome them but you have to leave it up to them.
mlgable
10-24-2002, 03:03 AM
I would like to add that I don't think most women would or do find ejaculating on them terrible. I for one enjoy this very much and like to have it massaged in sometimes. You do need to talk to your wife though about things so that this gets out in the open. My hubby and I have still not totally reached a true compromise on how to handle his needs and desires regarding him really being into submissive things but we are slowly working on it.