if anyone is out there, i really need some advice. my husband checked into detox for prescription pills yesterday. i am terrified he is going to blame me and my own alcoholic drinking. i have never felt this scared. i have tried AA before and actually am going to leave in about half hour to go to a meeting. i know this is the right thing to do but what if my DH decides I am the problem. i don't know how i will cope with that.....

You should remember that for most people, recovery starts with taking responsibility for your own addiction. Therefore, you are not responsible for his pill use anymore than he is responsible for your drinking. You should maybe think on that. You will get feed back contradictory to mine but I am going to suggest you look into al-anon or a similar program in RE: your codependancy (Chime in GinaLee and #1 Tex) and then do some soul searching in regards to your own addiction. I would imagine it would be difficult for someone in recovery to be around someone actively using/abusing even if the addictions are different. Good luck to you and keep posting, we'll be glad to try to help.

P.S. If you are going to AA and finding it helpful, that is fantastic!! My SO is in his 7th week of the program and while he struggles occasionally with the steps, he is not drinking so each day is better than the last. Work those steps girlfriend! God grant me the serenity.

Chippie: >>>> (Chime in GinaLee and #1 Tex)

Excuse me?? Whatever do you mean by that? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/tongue.gif

Lane,
I'm not sure why you think your husband will blame you for any of this. If anything else; he may have more understanding for your addiction. I believe those detox centers don't just make you sit and sweat it out...they offer counseling and quite a lot of insight in understanding the of how things like this come to play out in our lives.
I wish you much success with AA; it's a tough job getting the body to cooperate...been there..done that and still doing it (at least until this weekend when I begin my own detox session)

Let us know how you are doing.

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Gina

lane
I too remember those feelings of being scared that I was going to be blamed for "whatever". I was even blamed for him drinking to much, it didn't matter what it was, it was always my fault.

Please accept your husband for what he is and accept your self for you. Chippie is right, you are not responsible for his pill addiction.

I'm new to some of this lingo on here and don't know what a DH is.... But I don't see how you can be a problem for someone else's addiction.

Take care http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
#1Texan

My codependancy radar went off, that's what I meant!

Yeah Yeah Chippie! I know how you are! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif Dizzy, much like me! I like that in my friends!

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Gina

THANKS. DIDN'T GET BACK TO THE OFFICE UNTIL 2:00 AND HAD A PILE OF WORK. oops, didn't mean to yell. i'm nervous as a cat right now. last night when i went to see him, he got mad (cause i asked what bills needed to be paid) and stormed off. we have a toddler and all this stuff is crushing. he says he doesn't want my parents to know (we live in the same neighborhood), yet to go see him, i need a babysitter. hopefully, tonight will go better than last night when i went on that bender. at least i got to work.....no more drinks in my house so i guess thats a good thing. hell, i know its a good thing. i've done the aa thing before but didn't get very far before i started up again.

chippie,
this may be a really dumb question but, what is a clear definition of codependance?

Lane, did you read my two threads on the subject of co-dependency? If not, go read it and see if it helps you to understand a little better.

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Gina

Chippie
I sensed that right away too.

I still don't have a clue on the DH that she posted earlier.

T

DH = Dear Husband? Dumb Husband? Dorky Husband? I'm pretty sure the H is for husband. The D is whatever word you choose that starts with a D. I think...therefore I must be wrong.


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Gina

Goofy girl Gina! How about Dippy or Darling or Dimpled? Lane, yes read the earlier thread by Gina about codependancy and addiction. I'll bump it to the top as it is very informative. The basic point I was trying in my muddled verbiose way is that, he needs to take responsiblity for his pill use just as you need to take responsibility for your drinking. We all have free will (reference yet another post "I done gone and done it again" by the ever prolific Ms. Gina) and need to take charge of our lives and if that means we take charge by asking for help, then so be it. And as one mom to another, you need to take really good care of yourself before you can take care of DH or your toddler.

[This message has been edited by chippie (edited 03-18-2003).]

Excuse me while I go look up the word "Prolific"... I hope that's not FRENCH! You'll have to change it to "Freelific".... oooh! hmmm... I think I might prefer that!

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Gina

Chippie, how do you bump a thread to the top? I was wondering why the order changes sometimes. I thought it went by date of latest reply or something. Just curious!

Thanks, Dawn

Double post. Sorry

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Gina

[This message has been edited by GinaLee (edited 03-18-2003).]

It goes by the time of the last post. Doesn't matter when the post was originally dated. The latest and greatest response moves any post to front the of the class. Zero responses or "dead" issues move the posts out into never-neverland.

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Gina

Got it - thanks!

Dawn

Still looking for the real meaning of DH.
Damn Husband?

I suggest you go to as many meetings as you can, to get a grip on the disease of alcoholism. When two drunks get well there is a tendency to go through a certain pattern of behavior. It's sort of like the same process of grieving over the death of someone. There's the anger, the need to blame someone, hatred, bitterness, denial, the whole gambit of emotions. This can wreak havoc on the lives involved and brutally destroy a marriage or relationship.

Unless you are prepared for the battle that will rage deep within your souls in the upcoming months of your new found sobriety you will be taken out like a lion who ravages a lamb. This is no joke.

There's a cost to everything and this one is high but worth it in the end. No matter what just don't pick up a drink and you will have the victory. It's about weighing the cost of the pain. Is it worth it to drink to lose your life or is worth it to suffer for a while without a drink so that you may gain your life? The choice is yours.

Back to the self blame co-dep, I thought if I was perfect enough, my children were perfect and dinner was on time and not burnt, then maybe, just maybe he wouldn't drink, Who was I kidding, he can find any reason to drink, even if he blames it on me still. The sun didn't shine just right today, oh poor him jeez it was INSANITY!

[This message has been edited by rsg (edited 04-08-2003).]