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Old 01-08-2005, 08:27 PM   #1
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Mattanson HB User
ASPERGER Teenager problems,do you have them?

Hello i,m a newbie here and would like to know if anyone has teenage Asperger kids? My son is nearing 16 he was dx with A.S. at 6 an a half years (first year of school) and another dx at 13 years.The dx didn't change one iota in that period.My son is proving to be a very ,very big handful to control. I can not seperate(at times) AS behaviour and normal testosterone fuelled male adolescent behaviour. The two seem to blend into a horrible combustable mixture at times. He like nearly every other AS child i know is friendless,at school he is the butt of jokes and bullying is an ongoing problem. He yearns for friends and also female friends like other boys his age have. He is presently obssesed with cars(hot rods ,souped up models etc), he will load up his school bag with 5 or 10 car mags (if we don't catch him) and just look at them over an over again,he will use these as conversation pieces and never realise that he is boring the pants off his listners or aggravating them. The impact of things like this usually end up wrecking our home life for the night,then in the morning we make sure he only has 2 at the most of his magazines and that sets the whole thing off again. The point of this post is to (hopefully) hear from other parents of teenage AS kids, and maybe learn from them some stratagies to help and vice versa. Life has been very difficult for us all but you cope and just get on with it, but by crikey this period is the absolute pits!! I think the greatest thing that could happen to my son would be ..the making of a friend his age!! Not an older person or a mentor type person but another girl seeking,car loving,Ps2 playing kid!! Alas i,m resigned to the fact that this will in reality never happen. So if you have a story to tell that is similiar,i would enjoy hearing it...cheers matt

 
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Old 01-09-2005, 02:27 PM   #2
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Re: ASPERGER Teenager problems,do you have them?

My son is 18 and social situations are difficult but over time he has made a few good friends. He gets frustrated because they are not really the friends he would like to have. They are not the most popular kids. He seems to focus on having things that attract friends like a cool car or cool clothes. He has had girlfriends. Right now he doesn't but would probably like to have one. When he came home last night after being out cruising we asked how his night went. He said not good. He spent the evening alone because no one tried to befriend him in any way. I worry that he's a target for bad kids too. We had a little go around with some that had latched on to him because he has money and a vehicle. Thankfully he saw them for what they really were without getting into trouble himself. He is planning to go to college next fall. I hope as he matures that he will find some people who are interested in the same things he is. He is planning to study graphic arts at a vocational school. I don't know what to recommend to you except tell him to keep trying to make friends. Maybe a car club would be good for him. They have those on a local level and possibly they wouldn't tire of hearing him talk on that subject. If his father is in the picture maybe they could join one together which might help your son to model after his father to see how he handles meeting new people and bringing up the subjects that he likes to talk about. Kids who go to church have been good for my son also. The youth groups encourage kids to invite other kids.

 
Old 01-09-2005, 08:00 PM   #3
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Re: ASPERGER Teenager problems,do you have them?

Hello,Maybe look into your city programs.Where i live our Regional Center provides things like camping,sports etc for Special Needs with well trained staff its free.Also the YMCA has several thereputic programs ex dances swimming, bowling, etc for Special Needs also free.As for the Bullies and Users thats all they will ever be good at. .Just That.They wouldn know a friend if they looked them in the face .My Best To Your SON

Last edited by I Love LJC; 01-11-2005 at 10:48 AM.

 
Old 01-11-2005, 06:25 AM   #4
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Re: ASPERGER Teenager problems,do you have them?

I have an 11yr old girl changes are comeing fast and furious most folks we know have boys not girls help I am drowning in teen angst with her tough when her emoitional age is that of an 8yr old any body out there

 
Old 01-11-2005, 07:30 AM   #5
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Asperger family HB User
Re: ASPERGER Teenager problems,do you have them?

Your son sounds like my husband did at 18. He was obsessed with motorcycles and hated school, he didnt do well at all(he dropped out eventually).Im raising two kids now, one with aspergers, and I think my in laws could have done a better job with my husband. They didnt teach morals or values, they taught money and things were what peopled like you for. I knew him since we were both 17 and I seen the pattern there even at that age. He had nice clothes and was one of the spoiled kids in school who had everything, including a brand new explorer, motorhome and motorcycles to race. He had maybe two friends, one who lived 2 hours away who raced and one who was the biggest trouble maker in his school. I dont think I would be pushing my child to find friends their own age or girlfriends. Lots of AS kids do hang out with the bullies, druggies,the so called "bad kids or outcasts." They are the most accepting to other outcast kids, but alot of them, with their own problems or disabilities, are not good role models for asperger kids because our kids learn from them and they learn from ours too. Not in a very smart way either, but in a blinding way. Both of my husbands 2 friends were troubled(one graduated his 5th year from a disobedient school and the other drifts from home to home and cant hold a job. Both of them were heavily into drugs. Both from broken homes.Both of them having sex with every kind of girl possible, unprotected. All of them had kids in their teen age years. Just shows you how vicious the circle is, but still, even normal kids are just kids and learn from each other. While you cant really blame other kids for your own childs behavior...they still learn from each other. If an AS kid prefers to hang out with older mentors, hopefully you will introduce them to ones who have morals and good intentions.A friend is a friend, doesnt really matter the age. My husband now has a handful of friends, most seem to be down to earth and nice, all of them alittle weird though. All of them alot older, he is 26, they are in their thirties and forties. But I dont see nothing wrong with that, they all have the same interests and ideas. They want to be together and they are happy when they do things like fish, hunt Friends usually have something in common, looking back at my own child hood, I hung out with girls who came from the same kind of family back ground I had. I have to go through this again, with my son now and I think I am going to teach him to help him develop his talents by helping him get into the activities he likes(art, music, outdoor stuff) and let him make friends in his area of interests. It might help them keep out of trouble. If you can find something you know is a passion or obsession, try to push them in that direction.They will make friends, thats their neck of the woods there, they tend to like others with their interest. If your son likes cars, you can check into what kind of sports involve cars(even if is just being a mechanice and helping out) Good luck to you, sorry so long, I just wanted to share.

 
Old 01-12-2005, 08:44 PM   #6
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Mattanson HB User
Re: ASPERGER Teenager problems,do you have them?

Thank you to those who have replied. Well A.S. certainly seems the same in America as it is here in Australia!! lol. My sons Obsessions remain Computer games,cars and his 11 yr old sister. For anyone wondering what it is like to have an A.S. child and other normal children, let me say from our point of view ..it can be hell for the other kids! My daughter(bless her) has to put up with non-stop comments and threats from my A.S. son, she can do no right as far as he is concerned. Remove her from the family situation and life is peaceful, which of course is entirely impossible and we would never think of it. I have read in various books about this behaviour and nearly all teach you to be patient and caring and understanding. Try all of those things after a hard day of work and stress, and you walk in on both children screaming and fighting. I dare any specialist to rationilise this sort of scene away! People outside of the immediate family circle cant see what all the fuss is about, my son always interacts well and politely with nearly all he meets. My reply is...come and spend just 1 weekend with us and see what it is like to have an A.S. child in the family! We as parents deal with it as best we can, there are certainly familys much worse off than us, but sometimes it all proves too much, it is then that the tears flow and the regrets arise. There is little specific advice i can pass on at all, because we still don,t know how to control our sons behaviour in relation to his sister and to those he annoys. If it was known how to do this i would be a rich man! One thing that will help identify areas that you need to attend too, is this...get your son or daughter to make a list of everything that they hate..you will be surprised my some of the things they write down. Get them to do this when they are calm and also when they are angry. Some of the things will make you laugh as well, if your Aspie is anything like our Aspie!! Once again ty for your replies
Mattanson

Last edited by Mattanson; 01-12-2005 at 08:48 PM. Reason: typo

 
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