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Old 02-01-2005, 05:11 PM   #1
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Aspergers and lying..

Hi everyone, I have some questions and I would really like your perspective on an issue...Lying. For those who know me by now...I grew up in a house full of asperger people..my dad, my mom, my brothers and my sister. My husband is also aspergers...he is very much like my son. I believe we are on two different spectrum ends...he is so much like my son..he speaks monotoned..loud, their passions, their behaviors,thier diets, unemotional, their strong willed, but he was never diagnosed, even though he didnt communicate till he was five and his parents and family tell me my son is just like he was. I do see this even now..I've always been different than that. I was the screaming, tempermental child, who was a bit anti social, totally on the opposite end of the spectrum. You see, half of my sons characteristics are of my husbands and the other half are from my side of the family. All of them together have been labeled apart of the autistic spectrum...although I believe we are on the total opposite ends of the spectrum or something. I never lied growing up..I was really gulliable and probably was too naive to pull off a good lie anyways.. I mean I was the kid who got in trouble for telling the truth..thats how naive I was. My husband made his way through adolescents lying(about even small things) to his parents, so did both of my brothers and none of them will tell the truth for the life of them, although my husband and brothers can convince a person quite well. My son doesnt lie too much...but he spends alot of time with me. Is it just the asperger men around me or is it asperger men in general? I cant understand this at all...I guess all I want is some insight from those who have experience with asperger men in general and what are they like because...I dont really know what to believe anymore. I have experience growing up around them...but I want to see if others out there are experiencing the same thing.I also tend to think these kinds of men are highly sexual...lots of testosterone I guess. I have dated other people before I got married...Im not totally naive..I have learned alot. I have been in other relationships and never have seen this kind of sexual drive from other men..although I know what men can be like. I dont understand alot of things, my son I can help...I dont know if I can help an adult...I have an honest heart, I really do have compassion for people, I have learned that through out the years. That seems to make me a target for being taken advantage of too. I tried to find an adult asperger message board..because I wanted to find somebody who could relate or who has experience with asperger men and I couldnt find a board for adults with aspergers. This is the only one that kept popping up. I dont want to get too personal because I have already mentioned alot of personal details, but I would like to hear from others who might be related or in a relationship with a man apart of this spectrum and what life is like for them...I know for me, its not easy.Please share if you can relate...*God Bless and take care*

 
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Old 02-02-2005, 06:58 AM   #2
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Re: Aspergers and lying..

I don't think it has anything to do with AS but there are aspects of personality and behaviour, such as compulsive lying, hypersexuality, manipulation etc. that can go along with this and other ASDs more frequently.

Sometimes this seems to go along with rapid cycling bipolar (which according to the NAS some 30% of individuals with an ASD have) but especially in individuals who do seem genuinely callous and emotion-less, it is often called "pathological demand avoidance". (Not so much the hypersexuality, that's more bipolar)

There also seem to be some people with AS or diagnosed as AS who have strong narcissistic and borderline personality traits, it is well possible that these develop from perceptional problems (mainly language and situations) when growing up, but again these are not things "caused by" AS directly.

Some people are born manipulative etc. and I don't think having AS stops them from being that way. Some personality traits get influenced by AS, for example a person with narcissistic or abusive tendencies may well develop very extreme versions of these traits because their AS provides them with not only an excuse (if it is diagnosed) but also with plenty of material for feeling justified in their actions, be that because of genuine bullying or because of their skewed perception making them percieve things that way.
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Last edited by Redhead23; 02-02-2005 at 07:07 AM.

 
Old 02-02-2005, 07:19 AM   #3
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erly HB User
Re: Aspergers and lying..

My daughter is divorced from an Asperger man.
He does not make eye contact.
He is a medical proffesional
He lied, even when the truth was not a threat.
He refused to feed her, and their children.
He is totally narsistic.
e.g. "Your parents have money, they can pay for your food".
He was, and still remains extremely verbally abusive.
He is physically abusive, especially pinching, shoving, etc.
He has only supervised visits with his children, and still manages to cut a chunk out of their hair, or give them a pinch.
One of the children is on the spectrum, but is loving and caring.
I am certain it is because my daughter recognized the symptoms, and she is "huggy-kissy", and spent much time redirecting him.
I truly believe that he was never diagnosed, and protected by his mother, that he believes that he is "normal", and that everyone he encounters is "crazy".
I think to this day he is unaware of his condition.
I recognized it, when I was researching my grandson's symptoms.
Good luck to you, it is not an easy road.

 
Old 02-02-2005, 09:13 AM   #4
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Re: Aspergers and lying..

Very well put, both of you. I can relate to both of your posts. I was trying to figure out who is more crazy..me or them. lol(toss up) thank you both for replying.
God Bless and take care

 
Old 02-02-2005, 09:35 AM   #5
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texasmom990 HB User
Re: Aspergers and lying..

Asperger Family...I am starting to think we are married to the same man....lol I have a 5 year old son with Aspergers. I knew nothing about it until he was dx'd. Once we started looking into it we really felt like my husband was AS too, although not dx'd. My husband is manipulative and lies to the point that he believes it is truth. And the high sex drive....OMG I have never seen anyone like him. This is the biggest strain on our marriage.

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Last edited by moderator2; 02-02-2005 at 02:15 PM. Reason: please carefully review the posting rules - no emails

 
Old 02-02-2005, 12:31 PM   #6
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IBGECKO HB User
Re: Aspergers and lying..

>>even though he didnt communicate till he was five and his parents and family tell me my son is just like he was.<<

Sorry, I don't mean to stray off the subject, but this jumped out at me. My son communicated very little until he was five. He was able to speak, and would repeat things he heard all the time, but using language to communicate was completely lost on him until he started speech therapy and kindergarten. Then, BAM! He couldn't stop talking and expressing himself. I was told a few years later by the psychologist who diagnosed him with HFA, that the only reason she wasn't diagnosing him with AS was because of the communication delay. She said that this so cleary does not fall in the AS category, even though as he currently is he is so clearly AS, that she was diagnosing him as HFA. "Active but Odd" HFA is his technical diagnosis, with the addendum that he lives in an Asperger's world and should be handled as such. I was just wondering if you had ever heard about significant communication delays and Asperger's, because everything I have read about it says that there are no speech or communication delays, though they do suffer from language and communication disabilities.

 
Old 02-02-2005, 01:15 PM   #7
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Re: Aspergers and lying..

Thank you so much! I hope we arent married to the same man, lol, hey anythign is possible tho by chance does your husband show narcissitic traits too? I couldnt quite put into words what it was, but now reading about **********, I can see that too now, oh lawdy lawdy. Thank u so much!

 
Old 02-02-2005, 01:31 PM   #8
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Re: Aspergers and lying..

IBGECKO I think that might be because they tend to think and feel it, but cant verbalize it into words well without having tempertantrums alot..or even becoming violently aggressive sometimes. I knew a girl in school who stabbed aboy with a pencil, screamed at her teachers, skipped school all the time, beat up and bullied other students, got kicked outof her house becaue her parents couldnt deal with her and was always in trouble in general, who has AS. She argued with everybody, didnt get along with anyone(except me) she could sit donw and tell me what was wrong and when I asked her why she couldnt tell her parents or people this..she didnt know why. I dont know why either, maybe she thought they already knew. She was dx with aspergers last year and maybe that explains alot of her behaviorial problems, communication and her temper.HEr parents thought she was destined to be in jail or kill someone,but she hasnt yet. I dont know, maybe they are intimidated by certain people too.

 
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