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Old 02-04-2006, 11:53 PM   #1
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Unhappy Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

hi im a 31 year old mum of 2 that has a 4 year old son currently getting investigated for aspergers, im not coping, i have a 4 month old baby and had the most awful pregnancy, before that i had a horrific miscarriage and was already fragile now to find out my lovely son may have aspergers its just too much im so scared and the worse thing is not knowing if he has it or not, has any one else struggled with acceptance the way i am?

 
Old 02-05-2006, 05:27 AM   #2
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

Those of us with Asperger's, myself included, have lots of great talents because of our disorder. If your son truly does have Asperger's, yes, you probably will have to deal with outbursts over sensory issues and change (God knows my mom did, even though I wasn't officially diagnosed with Asperger's until this year at age 18), chances are that your son is a brilliant child with extraordinary academic abilities. Asperger's can actually help a child succeed, especially if it's caught early like in the case of your son, so you can work on the maladaptive parts of the disorder to help bring out the positives. I know that my love of science and my desire to become a neuropsychology researcher are derived from both my OCD and Asperger's. I feel for you, having to deal with this added stress in addition to a new baby, and if he does have Asperger's, you might have to deal with additional stress, but embrace your child's eccentricities. Most likely, they'll define him from all of the other "cookie cutter" children and make him truly unique. Good luck, God bless, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
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"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
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Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 02-05-2006 at 05:30 AM.

 
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Old 02-05-2006, 12:34 PM   #3
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

Hi
I remember the feeling well. Waiting for the dx and then hearing someone say your son has a life long disability is so frightening. Lots of emotions kick in. Why him? why me? will i be able to help him? Will I let him down? what does the future hold for him and the family?
It's so frightning. I cried myself to sleep every night and every time I mentioned the word Autism I burst into tears.
Then one day i said Autism out loud and I never cried and from then on in it got easier. The want and need to help him will kick in and then you will discover your son and get to know how the Asbergers affects him and what you can do to help him. You will see him grow, laugh and learn and you will love him dearly, probably even more than you already do, as they become a source of inspiration and then one day you will wonder why all the tears?

Last edited by bercol1; 02-05-2006 at 05:15 PM.

 
Old 02-05-2006, 07:48 PM   #4
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

hi thanks both of oyu for oyur inspirational words my son is very special he is gifted in the area of letters and numbers and has been abl to write the upeer and lower case alphabet for a long time including knowing how to spell and write many words, im a teacher and I know he is way ahead of where he should be, but i just feel sad, i have seemed to battle away with his outbursts and strong will for years other parents have looked at my with a frown thinking i cant control my son but i guess thats been the aspergers all along, he is such a lovely boy and so friendly and caring but i do worry about the bullying side of thing as being a teacher i know what children can be like, i dont know what to do about schooling, does aspergers and ocd go hand and hand, i have certain ocd traits myself and my husband had a learning difficulty when young but we dont know where the aspergers has come from? My wee boy has really poor speech and is significantly behind with comprehension, its awful to see him struggling away with language has anyone else had this experience

 
Old 02-06-2006, 04:42 AM   #5
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

Hi, michellemac1! I think it is so interesting that you said the EXACT same words that my mother told me yesterday! About how other parents thought that you couldn't control your kid, that the kid was a "brat", and that s/he was out of control in general...My mom called me yesterday just to talk, and it turns out that my adopted father's (long story there...) nephew has a niece that has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. She was talking to my dad's sister, and the reason the subject was brought up was because the sister wanted to know how I was doing at college. After hearing some of the tales that the sister told about her granddaughter, I think my mom was just plain astounded; I know that she believes me 100% now about both my OCD and Asperger's. For awhile, she just thought that I had some sort of anxiety disorder but that I was over-diagnosing myself or something, especially in the case of OCD. Now, however, after seeing others with the exact same thing, she knows. I think she feels relief that so much of my childhood and odd behavior/tantrums can be easily explained now, but she also feels guilty because she says so much of our fighting could have been avoided. True, but when I was a kid growing up in the early 90's, Asperger's didn't exist. Sure, Hans Asperger noted the disorder in 1944, but only recently have doctors been diagnosing it...As far as the OCD goes, this is a tricky subject, and is actually the reason why I just figured out a few months ago with the help of my therapist that I do indeed have both disorders. The two mimic each other in many ways, but for us OCD'ers, the rituals we do are all out of fear. I've read many descriptions of people that have both OCD and Asperger's who say that they have two completely different types of obsessions and compulsions: those that they do out of fear that "something bad will happen" and those that they do because they derive pleasure from it. All Asperger's kids will be anxious and want to cope with their environment, so they might do some repetitive action, but the obsession is not behind it. To give you an example of the difference, I'll use schoolwork, which both disorders tend to inhibit at times: for my OCD, procrastination due to compulsive avoidance, extreme perfectionism, and fear of doing the assignment wrong or not understanding what I read is truly obsessive-compulsive. On the other hand, when I get stuck on the minute details and have to analyze everything I read and connect it to something I already know, this is probably the Asperger's; I actually enjoy doing this- the perfectionism, though, is not enjoyable...Also, for actual obsessions, my OCD gives me blasphemous, sexual, and aggressive images, thoughts, and phrases that I can't wait to get rid of. It also gets songs constantly stuck in my head, and while this isn't anxiety-provoking, it is definitely obsessive-compulsive because it plays in my head in an endless loop. Now, for the Asperger's, all of the things my friends know that I'm "obsessed" with, meaning special interests, is the Asperger's. FDR, "I Love Lucy", anatomy, neuropsychology, the 1920's, WWII- I could talk about these all day and know very minute facts. I don't know anyone else in my circle of friends who can say that FDR died on April 12, 1945, the same day on which Fort Sumter was fired upon in 1861 and started the Civil War, that episode #123/179 of "I Love Lucy" is entitled "In Palm Springs", or that the proper term for a blood pressure cuff is a syphgmomanometer... I know that my strange memory and photographic memory is the Asperger's: I'm a freshman in college, but I can still see pages of my ninth grade textbooks, and remember the day, where I was, and what the page of my not***** looked like when I was in eighth grade studying for an American history test- the list of the things that the Townshend Acts outlawed were lead, paper, paint, glass, and tea...And last year in my anatomy class, my teacher put up ten words, and we were supposed to memorize as many as we could in ten seconds. I got the most in the class with nine, but the sick thing is that I can still remember them a year later, in the order that I memorized them, which was different than the order that they were listed: into, complete, function, food, road, girl, sky, throat, baseball, flower...I hope this helped you see the difference, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! I'd appreciate it actually, as hearing from parents whose kids have been officially diagnosed helps me see even more similarities in me that I missed. God bless, and write back soon!
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"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
-Hans Asperger

Last edited by GatsbyLuvr1920; 02-06-2006 at 04:47 AM.

 
Old 02-06-2006, 10:59 PM   #6
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

Its really hard when you hear autism, aspergers, etc. Everything you thought your child would be seems to come crashing down. But, after time, you realize your child has their own unique talents and specialities, you have to help them work on those. There are lots of days that I feel a little down thinking about my daughters future and how 'normal' she will be or not be. I think what has helped me is watching my autistic cousin grow up since we were kids. She is 25, happy, married, and does her own thing, which is cool. Hang in there, some days are hard, but they get better.

 
Old 02-07-2006, 09:20 PM   #7
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

To feel concerned that your son may have Asperger is a common fear. My son is now 8 and was diagnosed at age 4. Although sometimes he is a challenge, I would not swap him for the world. Never before have I met someone who had this amazing ability to make me laugh and cry all at the same time. He is a natural teacher, although has much to learn. Sometimes I could just shut myself away from him when he's frustrating me, but yet, I can't wait to see him at the end of the school day. Enjoy your son for all his faults and challenges, and genius he is sure to have, and he'll definitely make you laugh. Good luck to you and you family and new bub. I have just had my second child (now aged 5 months).
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Old 02-07-2006, 10:14 PM   #8
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

Wow you truley are an amazing person, I am going to write back soon I just have a busy day at the moment as I have just started back work one day a week working with a wee down syndrome/aspergers syndrome girl that has just started school be in touch later on tonight or in the next few days
thanks

 
Old 04-11-2006, 07:09 PM   #9
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Re: Aspergers syndrome-mum not coping!

I know all about special interests! I know information about Roger Bannister most people wouldn't know-or care to. I also know that he had a difficult time growing up and came out on top. He is a big inspiration to me. I only wish I had found out about him earlier in my life, when I really needed a source of inspiration.

I have the opposite fear of most of you: telling my family I suspect I may have Asperger's. I feel that I have been different all my life. My parents don't think there is anything wrong, but I have always felt very different.

 
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