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Old 10-30-2006, 07:44 AM   #1
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Question How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Hello, I am new and looking for some suggestions/insights from you.
Over a year ago I mentioned to my son and his wife that my grandaugher might have some type of Autism and suggested she get evaluted. She was 3 yrs. They basicaly said thanks but no thanks. They do not talk about what may or may not be going on and all of the family is unsure what to do. She has never had good eye contact, able to be focused on one thing for extermly long time since she was very young, she is very verbal but mostly repeating books, shows ... she does things very repeatedly. She plays by herself and along side others, but not much interaction., however she is very good natured and an easy child. Very good at an early age of knowing her numbers, colors, shapes .... She is senitive to sound, covers her ears and cowers down. She HATES having her hair washed, brushed. She will scream "the sky is falling". Right now she is only playing with dinosars and draggin ... she has a good imaganation. She talks in the 3rd person or will say :"Did you have a good day at school?" Anyway, she is now in a special ed prescool (10 kids per class) to help her get ready for kindergarden, she has had a individual evaluation plan (?) and sees a speech therapist 1 X week. However, her parents have never said what her evaluation was or anything. I am feeling frustrated since I am not sure what the most effective or helpful way I should interact with her, I spend a lot of time with her each week. We have lots of fun and play & I play with her and do the repeated stuff but I don't know if that is ok or... So ... Since this feels like an elephant sitting the room, how can I approach them while repecting their feelings? They know I am supportive of her and them. Any ideas would be very much appreicated. Thank and I look forward to hearing what you have to say!!!

Last edited by Grammychick; 10-30-2006 at 07:47 AM.

 
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Old 10-30-2006, 08:11 AM   #2
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Just wanted to say hi. I am sure it is so frustrating for you to want to help and not be able to. It is hard for anyone to come to terms that their child is not "normal" what ever normal is. It seems like the school is going in the right direction with the IEP. My son is 15 now. Seems like the years have flown by. I rememeber bits and pieces of pre-K. If your grandaughter has an IEP her parents have to know something is up. Maybe it is just hard for them to accept right now. I do know my son came along way with the speech therapy and OT ( occupational therapy). With the playing..not sure where she is at in school..not sure what approach they are doing. I know my son started with picture exchange for communication etc...maybe if you can find out what is going on at school and practice that at home. If you are able maybe hang out with her at school one day. I know when my son was in pre-K i was able to go in alot. I hope some of this helps.


 
Old 10-30-2006, 03:00 PM   #3
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Thanks a million for your reply. I am mostly thinking they are trying to adjust which is why I have not followed up yet. I will keep you posted and thanks again!!!

 
Old 10-30-2006, 03:00 PM   #4
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Thanks a million for your reply. I am mostly thinking they are trying to adjust which is why I have not followed up yet. I will keep you posted and thanks again!!!

 
Old 10-30-2006, 03:01 PM   #5
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Thanks a million for your reply. I am mostly thinking they are trying to adjust which is why I have not followed up yet. I will keep you posted and thanks again!!!

 
Old 10-30-2006, 03:01 PM   #6
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Thanks a million for your reply. I am mostly thinking they are trying to adjust which is why I have not followed up yet. I will keep you posted and thanks again!!!

 
Old 10-30-2006, 07:40 PM   #7
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

grammychick,

i don't think there's a lot you can do...this is kind of like you trying to get info from your child on a very personal matter...you will be the last person they'll consult even though you are one of the most important in their lives...that is the nature of the parent/child relationship i think...same goes for sibling relationships...i have a brother that i'm very close to and years ago he had a miserable marriage...whenever i tried to "help" he got very defensive...now he knows but people deal with things in their own way....

i think if you just be the best grannychick you can be that would be the best until the parents provide the "in" for you....they may talk and leave an opening for you....they know, believe me....they're adults and one of the big things is that they work together on this....you won't break your g-daughter....expand her horizons; break her routine and challenge her in a loving way...

 
Old 10-31-2006, 06:55 AM   #8
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

She does sound as though she has a lot of the markers for AS. I am contemplating telling my own parents about my possible Asperger's. I printed out the DSM-IV criteria and underlined my specific traits. I am not brave enough yet to show it to them.

 
Old 10-31-2006, 03:47 PM   #9
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Hi granny, i was in a similar situation as you are with my brother, since my son is autistic he is high functioning , i saw it in my nephew when he was 2, i told him all the time he denied it all the time, but i planted the seed for 5 years so when he was told this year that his son has aspergers it wasn't a shock or surprise, he was ok with it and dealt with it, just give it some time and they will find out!

 
Old 11-01-2006, 05:31 PM   #10
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

When my sister first mention autism with my son I was apalled. I thought no way she was reading too much. I basically ignored her ideas, which was hard since is also my babysitter!!!! But stubborn as she is she kept insisting I get him checked out. Finally I started doing my own research and thought "well maybe". Of course I tried making excuses to explain all of his "autistic traits". In the end I went to our family doctor who helped point us in the right direction for evaluations and help. My son is diagnosed and confirmed on the autism spectrum. He now goes to school all day and gets speech and OT as well as sensory help.
Anyway as i ramble my point is and many others can tell you to hear someone you love and care for you tell you there may be something "wrong" with you child is like a slap in the face. I felt hurt and angry that my sister would suggest such a thing. I cried when I realized she was right. Nobody wants to admit that their child isn't "normal" even if they see it themselves...denial. I will never be able to express my gratitude to my sister for her relentless, although sometimes irritating, persistance. She is a big part of the TREMENDOUS progress my son has made in just a year. She still to this day watches my children when I work and cares for both of them as if they were her own.
I am not saying you should be a nag but keep offering your support and maybe direct them to this sight. Reading other people stories might help the light bulb upstairs go off. It did for me. There are a lot of resources online if you google autism. And then maybe they would see that not all autism is like "Rain Man".....great movie by the way.....Good Luck!!!!!

 
Old 11-02-2006, 05:59 AM   #11
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

I am afraid to get that final diagnosis because it would mean that all the people who thought something was "wrong" with me and that I'd never amount to anything, would, in the end, be right. That would be hard for me to deal with. I still hold out a lot of hope.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 06:16 AM   #12
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

Sure sounds to me like the parents know their child has an issue, be it Autism or something similar. They might not be ready to let others (even close family and friends) in on it yet. It's probably hard enough for them to accept, let alone for them to think others might accept.

 
Old 11-03-2006, 12:54 AM   #13
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

We have not informed my father that my youngest has been diagnosed with pdd-nos because we are not sure it is the correct diagnosis, we feel it is best all round at the moment until my husband, my children and myself are happy with the diagnosis. My advice would be for you to just love your grandchild and dont treat her any differently and when the family is ready they will tell you. I will tell my father when we feel is right for him and for us and not before as the 'A' word is a big serious issue.

 
Old 11-03-2006, 09:12 AM   #14
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

The "A" word is a big issue, indeed. But nothing to be ashamed of. Of course you don't want to tell people a child has Autism if they don't, and certainly get a 2nd opinion or more, if you need to.

However, at least in my son's case, I know that most of the time, family *does* care and do appreciate feeling included. I told my husband's family (as my husband has had his own issues dealing with the diagnosis) that we do not want our son treated any differently just because of a word. And as he is only 3 and doing so well, there is plenty of time for improvement (he's come so far already with a month and a half of preschool!). Just treat him like they would any other child- love him and support him- and respect us in any way we feel we need to address his needs (be it with therapy, meds, or whatever else). They are still loving and supportive, they are making an effort to learn about Autism, and they are being respectful of my and my husband's choices as parents.

 
Old 11-04-2006, 07:02 AM   #15
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Re: How to approach the parents RE possible Asperger?

I wouldn't want people at work to know I had Asperger's. I have built up a good reputation over the past four years as a hard worker and a nice person. I don't want anything to jeopardize my current job or potential for advancement. I think that would be worse than having my family know.

 
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