strange symptoms - aspergers? - Asperger's Syndrome Message Board

brook65 · 01-04-2007, 07:44 AM

Hi I am new to this board

I have a couple of questions. Firstly my ex partner whom I was with for a number of years has asbergers.

When I was with him I didn't know anything about this disorder, I just spent many frustrating years with this guy thinking (in my ignorance at the time) that he was a very difficult frustrating guy, I felt that he was never listening to me, and constantely obsessing about a subject, and I HAD to listen to keep him happy, even though the subject matter to me was boring and I could not relate etc etc.

Anyhow cut a long storey short a few years ago he came to me and mentioned he thought he had asbergers, I did a search and the symptoms are him to a tee. He has never been offically diagnosed with this disorder, as he doesn't see the need for medications.

Anyhow, we had a son, and I have noticed over the years that he has some similar traits to his dad. The main one being the incessant talking of things that interest him, and it is normally a one track onesided conversation, which I am sorry to say can become boring and tiring.

I have never had him diagonsed, as I don't feel he suffers to such a degree that he would need medication, plus I am against meds and try and stay on a good diet.

Anyhow the questions I have are he has some symptoms recently which I don't recognise as Asbergers, and was wondering if anyone here can relate or recognise these as asbegers?

1. Every so often he has to go to his room and scream, he warns me first, when I ask him why? he says it is to let all of the stress out! I ask him what that means, and he says that cause he has a lot to say, if he can't GET OUT all he wants to say it builds up as frustration inside of him, and by screaming it lets it out??

2. He often has to tap, click his fingers etc and says he doesn't know he is doing it!

3. Also when he talks, he talks loudly, he has always done this, in supermarkets I tell him to keep his voice down, but it doesn't seem to sink in. His dad does this also.

Does anyone understand any of this?

Thanks for any advice

GatsbyLuvr1920 · 01-04-2007, 08:03 AM

All three of them sound like Asperger's to me, when you put them together with the obsessive fixations and one-sided conversations.
1. Us Aspies often get pent-up frustration that we need to release in an outburst. For me, I make myself violently cry as a tension-release of sorts. All of this pressure builds up that I need to get rid of. It usually happens once a month, sometimes more frequently, sometimes less.
2. This sounds like "stimming" to me. "Stims" are short for "self-stimulatory behaviors," repetitive behaviors that all autistics do to calm themselves when they feel anxious or upset. Some stim when they're excited, too. Common stims are rocking back-and-forth, flapping one's hands, and wringing one's hands. I rock and wring my hands. I also will rub my arms, stroke something between my fingers, move my thumbs in-and-out of my palms, and yes, tap an object. Nobody quite knows why stimming helps us, but it has something to do with our sensory issues. Sometimes stimming helps us block out the external environment, so we don't have to deal with people, and sometimes the repetition just soothes us and give us something else to concentrate on, besides the stressful situation.
3. A common stereotype of Asperger's is that we all talk in a monotone. This is false. Some Aspies do indeed talk in a monotone, but it's not required for a diagnosis. However, regardless whether or not the Aspie talks in a monotone, there almost always is some sort of problem with the way we speak, be it intonation, volume, or prosody (the flow of words and how stress is put on words). Talking too loudly is very common. I do it, too. I'm 19, and my mom still has to tell me sometimes that I'm talking too loudly. It doesn't sink in because our brains just simply don't have that capability to monitor our volume. We don't even realize we're doing it.
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If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! Good luck, and God bless!

-GatsbyLuvr1920-

brook65 · 01-04-2007, 08:18 AM

Oh Gatsby - You know I actually was hoping you would reply to my post. So thank you.

I have read many of your posts, and most of your descriptions of yourself I recognise in my son. It is nice to be able to talk to someone who actually understands first hand their symptoms.

I have never mentioned to my son the word 'aspergers', not because of shame or anything like that, it is just that I don't want him to feel he has to carry a label. I don't know if that is wrong or not, what do you think?

It is interesting what you say about aspies don't realise they are talking loud, is there anything that can be done regarding that do you know?

Are you able to explain the urge for 'getting out the frustration' my son when he goes to his dads he spends quite a bit of time on a ***********, I wonder sometimes if this doesn't help him, and contributes to his frustrations?

Like yourself my son is also a very bright kid, and very talented in what he does. When he was a little younger at school he had problems with concentration, but now he is eleven he is settling down and finds concentration alot easier.

As I said before my sons dad obviously has aspergers too, but when he was growing up aspergers was never heard of, everyone irgnorantly thought he was just awkward, which is sad.

The big difference between my son and his dad is, my son is very affectionate and caring, and express 'I love you' often, where his dad can't at all.

Can you say that someone is fully aspie or just has some traits?

Thanks again Gatsby, so glad you answered

PinkPiglet · 01-04-2007, 09:28 AM

When your ex found out he had Asperger's was it a relief to him? To know there was a reason he may have felt "different"?

My son has AS. He's known since the day we knew. I didn't want to "hide" it and have him accidently overhear something and think we'd been hiding something from him as if it were bad.

AS isn't a disease, it isn't a label (as far as I'm concerned) it's part of who my son is. It explains so much of what he deals with. When he discovered all this his first words were "You mean I'm not stupid?" It was such a relief to him to know there was a reason why he thought differently then the other kids, why he did things the way he did, etc.

I really urge parents to be upfront with their kids about AS. To just treat it as an everyday thing, talk about it like it's no big deal and help the kids learn about it so they can learn to help themselves.

Kids can become great advocates for themselves when they know the facts. I'm glad you are taking the time to learn for your son. It's so important.

brook65 · 01-04-2007, 10:30 AM

Hi Pink piglet - yes I totally understand what you are saying. I don't think of it as a disease, or anything to be ashamed of, it is just that I don't wish to attach a name to my son.

If he was in distress and asking me questions etc, then that maybe another matter. He certainly doesn't think he is stupid, far from it, he says himself that he has an active highly imaginitive mind, and as long as he can live a happy normal life, why do I need to say, "actually I think you may have aspergers".

What would worry me is it may have a negative effect on his confidence, as no child wants to feel they are different.

I appreciate you probably disagree, but it is just how I feel. I am against medication for him also which is why I haven't felt the need to visit the doctor. I am very much for alternative medications and a good diet.

As far as his dad goes, he hasn't actually had a diagonosis as such, he did a test on the net and scored mid way I think. He basically said that he wasn't exactely relieved as such, just that things made sence a bit more. In his day asbergers wasn't recognised, but he did well at school gaining a grammar school place, and then going on to get a degree etc. I expect his parents felt no reason to take him to the doctors as he was doing well at school, and was not behind.

When was your son diagnosed?