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Asperger's Syndrome Message Board
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Old 02-23-2008, 11:28 AM   #1
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lucky7 HB User
Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

My 7 yo dd is in 1st grade. She has Aspergers adn Anxiety. I am concerned with her ability to make friends in school. The kids think she is weird wanting to play super heros and getting ready for a "show" (dancing on a make believe stage and singing). She wants friends but she doesnt understand personal space and tends to annoy other students around her. She is not a discipline problem in school. She makes straight A's.

Recently she has developed a friendship with a little girl that has severe disturbed problems. (self inflicted harm to herself) I want my daughter to develop friends but not with childen that can be trouble for her. Since this child was transfered here from another school and they have developed a friendship I have noticed a nasty attitude from my dd. Nothing like what she is really like.

My concern for the future is will she always attract the wrong types of friends? We want to correct this the right way without my dd feeling like the whole world is against her. I don't want her to be in junior high or highschool and start hanging out with the wrong crowd.

 
Old 02-23-2008, 04:04 PM   #2
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Re: Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

A diagnosed child or a typical child...I think this is a problem with all parents. I have had concerns with my son also in regards to this. He started picking up some bad habits from a child in his class. Maybe you can discuss with her teacher what kids in her class would be good to ask on a play date. Take them out or invite them to your house. Most parents would be receptive and return the gesture and do the same with her. Because of their relationship and connection outside of the classroom, it will develop into one in the classroom.
You could also get your daughter involved with a dance class or some sort of organization outside of school to make friends. My son is diagnosed with PDD and we had him on a soccer team. We didn't tell the coach or anyone that he had a "diagnosis" and to tell you the true, he fit it just fine. I'm pretty sure all the kids didn't have issues....some where fooling around, the girls were doing cartwheels right in the middle of practice...no one listing to the coach; they were all 7 years old, very typical. They were all nervous on game days as well.
Good luck. I hope some of this is helpful!!!

 
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Old 02-23-2008, 06:51 PM   #3
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Re: Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

I work at the school that my dd attends. I have met many parents with children her age and most of those kids like to hang out with my other first grader. My other dd has no issues and is considered Miss Popular at school with all the kids. All of her friends are nice to my dd with Aspergers but won't make an attempt to play with her on their own...only when my other dd is around.

 
Old 02-25-2008, 10:01 AM   #4
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worm HB User
Re: Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky7 View Post
My 7 yo dd is in 1st grade. She has Aspergers adn Anxiety. I am concerned with her ability to make friends in school. The kids think she is weird wanting to play super heros and getting ready for a "show" (dancing on a make believe stage and singing). She wants friends but she doesnt understand personal space and tends to annoy other students around her. She is not a discipline problem in school. She makes straight A's.

Recently she has developed a friendship with a little girl that has severe disturbed problems. (self inflicted harm to herself) I want my daughter to develop friends but not with childen that can be trouble for her. Since this child was transfered here from another school and they have developed a friendship I have noticed a nasty attitude from my dd. Nothing like what she is really like.

My concern for the future is will she always attract the wrong types of friends? We want to correct this the right way without my dd feeling like the whole world is against her. I don't want her to be in junior high or highschool and start hanging out with the wrong crowd.

 
Old 02-25-2008, 10:06 AM   #5
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worm HB User
Re: Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

I read your post and since my daughter is about the same age. Could you read my new post in the children's general health and let me know if you think it sounds like aspergers? It is titled Miserable 8 year old.


I know what you are going through with your daughter, I have a son who is nvld and I am really careful about who he plays withbecause he is very susceptible to picking up bad traits and habits because he doesn't really understand they are bad. I think at the very least you need to tell your daughter that this friend may not be the best for her. Which I am sure you have already done. She actually may be able to help that girl get a better attitude, but I probably wouldn't set up any play dates to encourage the relationship outside of school. I know this is really hard since your daughter has a hard time finding friends, but as our Pastor says, he would rather his kids had no friends then the wrong friends, as harsh as this may sound. Isn't there another child in the school that the teacher can encourage a friendship with even if the child is in another grade or class?

 
Old 02-25-2008, 11:49 AM   #6
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drisnya HB User
Re: Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

I don't recall reading if your daughter was on meds, however sometimes you need to face the inevitability of this course of action in order to foster what passes for normal social interaction.

As you noted your dd is a straight A student; my 12 yo son also is an aspie and is smart as a whip so school itself isn't a concern....We were dead set against going toward meds until we went in and observed him in class...he was completely detached and he's in a private school environment so he really had to work hard...his grades were so-so...we did all the testing etc and the IQ was through the roof but asperger's was the dx.

he is on Risperdal at night and Strattera in the am....he can at least now stay in the here and now and maintain attn in school...he formed a cadre of friends in 1st grade that he's maintained to this point (6th)...we never treated him as if he was anything other than a "normal" kid....he's done martial arts....basketball, albeit awkwardly and he's ok...he knows something is different about his thinking processes....

I guess the gist of this post is please don't rule out the possibility of meds because it does help our son....regardless, I believe having a girl is different when we're talking about asperger's and socialization....

the downside of the meds, and if anyone has an opinion I will certainly welcome it, is my son is frightfully skinny...he is 5'1" tall and is 73 lbs...his Body Mass Index (BMI) is off the charts low....we're going to a nutritionist in a week but I don't know what they can tell us since he eats what we eat and has the willpower we all could only hope for....his metabolism is so high I believe he just burns through everything he eats....

 
Old 02-25-2008, 05:20 PM   #7
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lucky7 HB User
Re: Aspergers/social behaviors/school friends

That is so interesting about your son. All my dd wants to do is eat and I wonder if it is because of her anxiety. We stopped buying junk food (husband loves it) and it is a constant argument over how much she eats. She says she is starving when she has had a complete heatlhy meal. She has gained 20lbs since last year and I am freaking out. I am considering talking to the doctor about this. She used to be so skinny before her adnoid, toncsil, and ear tube surgery. Now she has a gut. I had to tell the ladies that monitor the lunch room not to let her get a second meal.

As for the other poster about her 8yo dd....I need to go and read your post.

I am stressing out about my dd..not just about the whole friend problem but mental issues (over eating and over drama she displays)

 
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