Are there parents out there with autism/asperger's? - Asperger's Syndrome Message Board

jennpape · 03-17-2008, 01:26 PM

Hello,

I have a 3 yr old with high functioning autism and there are close people in my family with asperger syndrome. I never thought about actually having asperger's myself, but now that my son has been diagnosed and I have had plenty of time to read about these matters, I have really started believing that is the source of my problems. Are there any adult parents out there who have been diagnosed with asperger's or are wondering if they should be?

roses4lace · 03-18-2008, 03:20 AM

Hi, I'm the mom of a 25 year old son, we both have Aspergers, however, we didn't discover it until 2005. I always thought he was a perfectly normal little boy, and never understood why the teachers complained so much. They complained so much I finally pulled him out of school and home-schooled him, because I couldn't stand their constant complaints and failure to take my advice on how to teach him. They insisted on "their way", which didn't work, and never had worked. Wouldn't work for me, wouldn't work for him. Still don't understand why they didn't get it. Obviously they didn't understand Asperger's at all, and weren't willing to listen to me explain his needs. They kept insisting he "could do this", he wasn't trying, he was lazy, etc. I knew better, but totally failed at convincing the teachers.

I hope you get good teachers, who are trained in how to deal with the unique learning style of these kids. They can be a genius in one area, and totally lost in something that seems simple to everyone else. The faster he gets in an Aspergers program, the fewer problems he will experience later. You will be your son's best advocate for now. I always knew what was good or bad for my son by putting myself in his position, and imagining how it would affect me. Just never knew how to get people to listen. That seems to have changed, and I'm hearing good reports from all over of how teachers are starting to get on board.

Don't ever think of him as disabled or as a problem, any more than you've thought of yourself that way. Others can think how they want, but to me and my son, WE'RE the normal ones, and they're just very slow learners. Sometimes we have to exert 3-4 times the effort of other people to accomplish the same thing, but sometimes we find that they can't do what we do with 100% of their effort. Good sides, bad sides. Skills, challenges. We're all different. Encourage him to excel at what he can, and find work arounds or alternate routes for the rest.

jennpape · 03-18-2008, 11:42 AM

Thanks for your reply. I needed to find a female with aspergers to get an idea of whether or not that is what I am dealing with. My son's speech and OT think it is, but there are not many doctors who will diagnose adults with AS in my area. Also, I researched AS in adults online and found that many doctors don't believe that females can even have AS and refuse to dx females at all. What signs did you show that made you believe you had AS? How did you get diagnosed?

When I was little, I was (according to others) too bossy, always right about everything, and never shut up and let someone else speak. I was called names like hateful, bossy, rude, selfish, etc. I never had friends (except teachers). In high school, I was extremely shy and I could not look at anyone or talk to them. Kids got in my face and dared and bribed me to talk. I could move, so I just sat there. Teachers did nothing and actually made fun of me as well. I let kids copy off my paper because I thought they would like me, but it didn't work. They got what they wanted and were gone. As I got older, I started getting in trouble at work and got fired constantly. Still don't understand why. I got numerous lectures from managers about my poor social skills and about not being a good team player. I have been told many times that I am an insecure baby and that all of the problems I am having are in my head. I have also been told many times that I am an adult and I should be able to handle my own problems. Other people at work break the rules all the time and never get in trouble. They steal company property, dirty the bathroom, make fun of other people, etc. I never do any of these things. I do what I am told to do and I still get in trouble. It's not fair.

I don't want my son to suffer like I am. We get along well together because we both like maps and we play school together. I feel like I'm not a good mom because I can't get along with adults my age and this is keeping me from making friends who might have kids my son could play with. My son has impressed numerous people with his ability to name any country on a map and by being able to read. This gives people the impression that he cannot have autism, although he doesn't speak well and can't approach children his age appropriately. When we go out in public, he gets excited and runs up to other kids and pushes/hits them while laughing excitedly. I hate this because kids always run and tell their parents and then I have to deal with ignorant people my own age who don't understand. I'm guessing you know what I mean?

sarahponari · 03-18-2008, 02:22 PM

hi
well im 24, and was diagnosed with Aspergers just over a year ago, before then i knew(and my family knew) i was different but we never knew anything about aspergers until about 4 years ago my mom heard something about it and we realised i fitted it exactly, so we went through the process of finding someone to diagnose me, and now at last i have my diagnosis.
My youngest daughter who is 3 in May was diagnosed with high functioning autism, a couple of weeks ago, there are so many similarities between her and how i was when i was her age, the only difference is that she doesnt have much speech and i could talk really well before the age of 18 months
I will be willing to answer anything you want to know(obviously i cant diagnose as im not a proffesional) but i can tell you that alot of what you have wrote about your childhood sounds like mine

jennpape · 03-18-2008, 09:05 PM

Is it hard to get diagnosed with Asperger's as a female? I've heard that many professionals don't believe it's possible for females to have AS. What kinds of questions or tests did you have to go through?