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Old 05-20-2009, 07:53 AM   #1
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Asperger and independence

now that my son is almost 18. i worry more...will he be able to go off to college...will he have friends...will he be able to stay alone...UGHHH

I still feel bad if i go out to dinner and over a friends if he is here ( he is with his dad half the time)

my other 2 NT kids always have somewhere to go or someone to hang with...

will the guilt ever go away...i also feel like he is lonely...

 
Old 05-20-2009, 11:49 PM   #2
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Re: Asperger and independence

many cities have social groups with activities and outings on a regular basis - call your local autism support group and see what may be available. usually the leaders of these groups know what's going on for social rec activities.

i don't know how affected your son is, but perhaps he could qualify for some respite care so you could hire a young man to take him out to the movies, bowling, stuff like that. your local office of disabilities could be a place to start.

through networking you can learn a lot about what's going on in your area.

re. college, a counselor at his school is a place to start re. this. many kids with aspergers go on to college; quite common.

 
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Old 05-21-2009, 07:07 AM   #3
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Re: Asperger and independence

I just thought I would throw this out there: my brother has Asperger's (today is his 23rd birthday), and he's going to University away from home right now! We live together in student housing. It's taken some time, but he is adjusting. I think he really enjoys the independence - he's responsible for getting the shuttle bus to and from classes, time-managing his own homework/chores and fixing his own simple meals (Microwave). When he was 18 I never would have thought it was possible, but by easing him into it VERY slowly he's made the progression into a more 'adult' life. He's very happy (which makes his little sister (me) very happy).

As far as your son and college goes, don't fret. There is SO much support for college students now a days, practically everything can be customized/arranged if you give the school enough time to do so. Schools are usually very cooperative with working with adults with 'disabilities', disorders, etc; it makes them look good.

Don't feel bad about your sons loneliness - just try and get him to interact more with some peers. This doesn't always have to be with other Aspies, there are lots of high functioning (sometimes quirky people) that people with Aspergers get along with well. If your son is interested in Anime, try and find an Anime group that meets in your town. If he likes math, try and find a weekend enrichment program. Ask around at highschool's and colleges, I bet there would be a group he would like.

Making friends takes a lot of time, so don't pressure yourself about it. When he meets someone who he feels is worth his time, he'll make it known. My brother has been living here for a year and has yet to make any good friends - but that's fine, because I know in time he will.

I could type forever and ever about this, so I'll stop here .... Hope I helped reassure you some. If you would like to know anything at all, you can message me. Best of luck!
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Old 05-21-2009, 03:16 PM   #4
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Re: Asperger and independence

Quote:
Originally Posted by luckystar View Post
now that my son is almost 18. i worry more...will he be able to go off to college...will he have friends...will he be able to stay alone...UGHHH

I still feel bad if i go out to dinner and over a friends if he is here ( he is with his dad half the time)

my other 2 NT kids always have somewhere to go or someone to hang with...

will the guilt ever go away...i also feel like he is lonely...
Sit down with your son and talk to him . ASk him what he is interested in? Would he like to go to college? He has Asperger's, then he is on the higher end of the spectrum, and intellegent, correct? If he is college material and would like to go , then I would support his choices. Just like you would do with your NT kids, his hope and dreams are important too. He may not have Services through the regional center? If he does, then they could hook him up with adult programs he may want to participate in. He needs to be in social group programs. Was he ever in any special education ? If not , than it will up to you to look into your community for different programs with adults with developmental disabilites. These programs will have adults that are higher functioning then others. He needs to be in a high functioning program so he can have his needs met propperly. Perhaps he could go to college part time then go to a program part time?
Just try and make it fun for him, and have it something that he would like to do .

 
Old 05-22-2009, 05:31 AM   #5
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Re: Asperger and independence

Thanks a bunch for all of your replies.

He is so high functioning. He is probably better then I make it seem. EVERYONE says I baby him.

I can not help it. I worry all the time if he is happy.

He LOVES writing scripts, drawing, etc. He has been in drama club at school since 9th grade ( he is in 11th now). He goes to an Art school in Philadelphia on Saturdays in the Fall.

He has a million friends on Facebook and AIM. He has had a few girlfriends...sorry to say most psycho...seems to attract the needed, crazy girls...sadly its the truth....

Even after all this he just doesnt seem to keep friendships going. These girls would call him so that is how he stayed in contact with them.

Boys are not like girls...girls are social butterflies...constantly texting or on the phone. His guy friends dont just pick up the phone to call him nor does he call them unless I prompt him too.

I have said it before...it is hard when you have NT kids as well about same age and their calendars are filled with activities, and here my Aspie son sits

I have taken him to this or that group in the past...he still doesnt stay in contact and make later plans with anyone.

I guess I will work on that...maintaining friendships.

bekkieboop89- your such a GREAT, AMAZING sister....my kids are not like that to their brother.....

Sorry for the long post

 
Old 05-22-2009, 10:49 AM   #6
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Smile Re: Asperger and independence

My son is 14, and has Aspergers. He gets to school and hangs out with the other kids but never has friends over to the house or talks on the phone. And he seems okay with that. I am like you, I worry constantly and feel he may be lonely. But I know it will come some day and he seems very happy. Sometimes I cry and hate how unfair it is. My daughter is always going out. But my son is doing great in school and all of his teachers are sure that he will be going to college and will, one day, be independent.

Keep good thoughts and I know your son will do well in life!

 
Old 05-22-2009, 02:40 PM   #7
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Re: Asperger and independence

My son is nearly 16 yrs old . He is High Fuctioning autistic. However, has cognitive delays> With the delays he has , he probably would not be considered as Asperger's. However, highly verbal, and does all the typical high functioning traits, talks repeatly and forever about his NARROW interests. Which is names of his fav. actors, dates, when movies are made, horror flicks, especially Stephan king. He has laughing outbursts at school, and has to go outside to calm down. ANd he is too intrusive with other kids his own age. He can't modulate he voice either, and can be extremely annoying at times. He hates change, has to have things always a certain way, and does not understand things that are not concrete or literaly. He nonstop talks about topics over and over again forever and a day that had happened several months ago evern sometimes years. His memory skills are through the roof. However, his money or math skills are terrible. He can't make change for a dollar. And he can be very slow at times.
Making friends is difficult for him because kids are unpredictable. And my son does not like that they do not play by the rules. My son does not like silliness , or can't understand it. He does not like jokes, gets mad easily too. My son is not in a regular classroom. And is mostly in a SDC class all the time.
I like to read about Parents with Asperger kids , just to get a better idea about what to expect in the future , for my son. Even though my son is a little different .

 
Old 05-23-2009, 05:27 AM   #8
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Re: Asperger and independence

They are all different....I love my son so much...and know I was meant to have him...that I have the patients and understanding that he needs....it is just some days are tough...they are tough with any child...you always just want the best for them...

Last night was hard....some of my sons friends...including his step brother were going to this kids party...my son knows this kid and assumed that the kid would not mind if he came as well....

LONG story short the boy said NO he could not have any more people over....i had to tell my son, who was all ready to go and wouldn't ever think to be rude to someone, that the boy said his mom said no more people....

It just broke my heart....i just cried and cried.....

I just cannot stand when people are rude or hurtful to my kids...that is the worst

 
Old 05-23-2009, 01:22 PM   #9
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Re: Asperger and independence

Yes that is the worst feeling in the world . WE feel their pain, and it hurts so much to see our son's being left out, shuuned, or treated differently. I absolutely hate that. It has happened to m y child, and It makes me hold onto him more, and want to be there for him, overprotective, and actually give in to him easier. I can't stand it when other kids do that. He is an only child. My son. He has cousins, and even they have not been the nicest to him. The school kids are the ones where he fits in. It is not right, unfair, and extrmemly heartbreaking when our son's get hurt emotionally.

 
Old 05-26-2009, 09:06 PM   #10
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Re: Asperger and independence

luckystar I know what you mean about hating it when your kids get hurt. i feel the same. it breaks my heart too. no one told me that when you had kids you felt their pain only 10 times worse. i have 3 sons. the eldest is quiet and introverted i've wondered if he might be on the aspergers spectrum somewhere or whether he's just very shy. he's 16. the second one is 13 and is very sporty, outgoing and popular. i don't need to say any more, except that I worry about my eldest all the time. i just pray that one day he finds a really good mate that he feels comfortable with and wants to hang out with. and bekkie you are a great sister. siblings aren't always kind.

 
Old 05-27-2009, 10:11 AM   #11
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Re: Asperger and independence

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trixibel View Post
luckystar I know what you mean about hating it when your kids get hurt. i feel the same. it breaks my heart too. no one told me that when you had kids you felt their pain only 10 times worse. i have 3 sons. the eldest is quiet and introverted i've wondered if he might be on the aspergers spectrum somewhere or whether he's just very shy. he's 16. the second one is 13 and is very sporty, outgoing and popular. i don't need to say any more, except that I worry about my eldest all the time. i just pray that one day he finds a really good mate that he feels comfortable with and wants to hang out with. and bekkie you are a great sister. siblings aren't always kind.
It is hard...at 17 I still practical set up his "play dates"...I just never want him to feel lonely...The world can be so cruel sometimes....i have said it a million times before...these kids are so kind, caring, thoughtful....they make great friends if people take the time to get to know them

It is so hard seeing your NT kids have a "life"...thats the hardest part...what 17yr old wants to be seen with their parents all the time

My oldest rarely ever hangs with my Aspie son....that pisses me off that i raised self centered kids

 
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