Asperger and independence - Asperger's Syndrome Message Board

luckystar · 05-20-2009, 08:53 AM

now that my son is almost 18. i worry more...will he be able to go off to college...will he have friends...will he be able to stay alone...UGHHH

I still feel bad if i go out to dinner and over a friends if he is here ( he is with his dad half the time)

my other 2 NT kids always have somewhere to go or someone to hang with...

will the guilt ever go away...i also feel like he is lonely...

Mira11 · 05-21-2009, 12:49 AM

many cities have social groups with activities and outings on a regular basis - call your local autism support group and see what may be available. usually the leaders of these groups know what's going on for social rec activities.

i don't know how affected your son is, but perhaps he could qualify for some respite care so you could hire a young man to take him out to the movies, bowling, stuff like that. your local office of disabilities could be a place to start.

through networking you can learn a lot about what's going on in your area.

re. college, a counselor at his school is a place to start re. this. many kids with aspergers go on to college; quite common.

bekkieboop89 · 05-21-2009, 08:07 AM

I just thought I would throw this out there: my brother has Asperger's (today is his 23rd birthday), and he's going to University away from home right now! We live together in student housing. It's taken some time, but he is adjusting. I think he really enjoys the independence - he's responsible for getting the shuttle bus to and from classes, time-managing his own homework/chores and fixing his own simple meals (Microwave). When he was 18 I never would have thought it was possible, but by easing him into it VERY slowly he's made the progression into a more 'adult' life. He's very happy (which makes his little sister (me) very happy).

As far as your son and college goes, don't fret. There is SO much support for college students now a days, practically everything can be customized/arranged if you give the school enough time to do so. Schools are usually very cooperative with working with adults with 'disabilities', disorders, etc; it makes them look good.

Don't feel bad about your sons loneliness - just try and get him to interact more with some peers. This doesn't always have to be with other Aspies, there are lots of high functioning (sometimes quirky people) that people with Aspergers get along with well. If your son is interested in Anime, try and find an Anime group that meets in your town. If he likes math, try and find a weekend enrichment program. Ask around at highschool's and colleges, I bet there would be a group he would like.

Making friends takes a lot of time, so don't pressure yourself about it. When he meets someone who he feels is worth his time, he'll make it known. My brother has been living here for a year and has yet to make any good friends - but that's fine, because I know in time he will.

I could type forever and ever about this, so I'll stop here .... Hope I helped reassure you some. If you would like to know anything at all, you can message me. Best of luck!

mscat40 · 05-21-2009, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luckystar

now that my son is almost 18. i worry more...will he be able to go off to college...will he have friends...will he be able to stay alone...UGHHH

I still feel bad if i go out to dinner and over a friends if he is here ( he is with his dad half the time)

my other 2 NT kids always have somewhere to go or someone to hang with...

will the guilt ever go away...i also feel like he is lonely...

Sit down with your son and talk to him . ASk him what he is interested in? Would he like to go to college? He has Asperger's, then he is on the higher end of the spectrum, and intellegent, correct? If he is college material and would like to go , then I would support his choices. Just like you would do with your NT kids, his hope and dreams are important too. He may not have Services through the regional center? If he does, then they could hook him up with adult programs he may want to participate in. He needs to be in social group programs. Was he ever in any special education ? If not , than it will up to you to look into your community for different programs with adults with developmental disabilites. These programs will have adults that are higher functioning then others. He needs to be in a high functioning program so he can have his needs met propperly. Perhaps he could go to college part time then go to a program part time?
Just try and make it fun for him, and have it something that he would like to do .

luckystar · 05-22-2009, 06:31 AM

Thanks a bunch for all of your replies.

He is so high functioning. He is probably better then I make it seem. EVERYONE says I baby him.

I can not help it. I worry all the time if he is happy.

He LOVES writing scripts, drawing, etc. He has been in drama club at school since 9th grade ( he is in 11th now). He goes to an Art school in Philadelphia on Saturdays in the Fall.

He has a million friends on Facebook and AIM. He has had a few girlfriends...sorry to say most psycho...seems to attract the needed, crazy girls...sadly its the truth....

Even after all this he just doesnt seem to keep friendships going. These girls would call him so that is how he stayed in contact with them.

Boys are not like girls...girls are social butterflies...constantly texting or on the phone. His guy friends dont just pick up the phone to call him nor does he call them unless I prompt him too.

I have said it before...it is hard when you have NT kids as well about same age and their calendars are filled with activities, and here my Aspie son sits

I have taken him to this or that group in the past...he still doesnt stay in contact and make later plans with anyone.

I guess I will work on that...maintaining friendships.

bekkieboop89- your such a GREAT, AMAZING sister....my kids are not like that to their brother.....

Sorry for the long post