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Old 06-22-2010, 09:22 AM   #1
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Drulabelle HB User
Help with aspergers children

My friends son and daughter have aspergers disease. They are 3 and 5 years old. Her son recently started a thing where he screams he doesn't want his mom, and says he wants his dad, who is a dead beat and rarely comes around. This makes my friend cry and I do not think she knows how to deal with this. Is there anything helpful I can tell her? any advice would be helpful.

 
Old 06-22-2010, 09:52 PM   #2
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Re: Help with aspergers children

Acknowledge the child's pain, and make it clear there is nothing mom can do about it. For example, I know you miss your dad, but dad has other things to do and doesn't seem to have any extra time, you're stuck with mommy. Daddy makes his own decisions, and it was his decision to not come get you today. I know it makes you sad, but we can't do anything about it right now. etc. Just address his feelings, acknowledge they are normal, comfort him when necessary, and talk about what you CAN do instead, or how life has to be. And make it clear no one can control his dad's choices except his dad. I would tell my son there wasn't anything we could do to make his dad come get him. Mommy's not happy that he isn't coming to spend time with you either. I have Aspergers too, and would apologize to my son for not being the "lovey, snuggly" kind of mom he may have wanted, but I'm what God gave him, and looks like he was stuck with me. I'll feed you, clothe you, provide a good home, and be there for you no matter what. Just be honest, without beating up on the father. Her son will learn in good time all by himself how much of a deadbeat his father is, and he will appreciate that she was honest, without bad mouthing the dad.

If your friend (the mom) also has Aspergers, this can be especially tough, because kids are all about social problems, and we have little to no understanding of how to handle things. I always felt like a horrible mother, but my son seemed to be ok with how I handled things. Also, from the time my son was 6 I had a good child psychologist who helped talk me through the various parenting and school issues that came up with him, and helped me come up with good choices. (Yes, I went to the child psychologist, not my son.)

 
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Old 06-28-2010, 08:24 PM   #3
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Re: Help with aspergers children

Thank you for your time and answer. I appreciate it.

 
Old 07-13-2010, 06:53 PM   #4
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Re: Help with aspergers children

My sweet dear Autistic husband cried constantly till he was around 6-years old then it turned to screaming...not screams of pain, just screams. Thank you Jesus he stopped at about 13-years old.

I can tell you this too will pass. I would get some ear plugs and pray like crazy. If my mother-in-law didn't have the Lord to lean on for strength...she would have went crazy!

 
Old 07-21-2010, 09:27 AM   #5
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Re: Help with aspergers children

Aspergers causes children to say things/act out things they don't realise will hurt other people's feelings. I do everything for my 9yr son and his Dad has him once a week and lets him play on the playstation constantly not showing him any attention and using the game system as a babysitter whilst he carries on with his own stuff at home. As games/computers are his special interest then he tells everyone he loves his dad more and can't wait til he sees his dad again. This hurts when I do so much for him, and try to take him to lots of different places so we are not couped up indoors but I now understand its the aspergers that make him say things the way he does. I know this won't help the crying/screaming but please tell your friend that he isn't doing it to be horrible to her, he can't help it, maybe suggest some reading about aspergers to understand the reason they say things that are not appropriate.

 
Old 01-13-2011, 12:21 PM   #6
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Re: Help with aspergers children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drulabelle View Post
My friends son and daughter have aspergers disease. They are 3 and 5 years old. Her son recently started a thing where he screams he doesn't want his mom, and says he wants his dad, who is a dead beat and rarely comes around. This makes my friend cry and I do not think she knows how to deal with this. Is there anything helpful I can tell her? any advice would be helpful.
Tell her to google leaky gut and read what it says about Austic/aspergers...just by changing the diet she will have amazing results...its a long process though so she needs to be patient...hope this is helpful

 
Old 01-14-2011, 02:17 PM   #7
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Re: Help with aspergers children

Thats hard, my brother use to do that...you really do have to let them get out their frustratios before you intervene. Also you REALLY have to remember that mostly all the children within the ASD spectrum have an auditory processing delay. Which basically means, by the time you have said two sentences to him, he is still only hearing and interpreting the first one. I try to say things slower and wait for a response.

Also roses4lace i worked at an autism centre in my community, and most of the people into see the lady were parents. Because parents are these childrens interpreters.. without them, the world wouldnt know what they were saying. Because honestly most people dont "speak" aspergers/autism

 
Old 01-14-2011, 02:24 PM   #8
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Re: Help with aspergers children

you`ll find that if you find a good naturopath he/she will know about leaky gut and also about the gaps diet which has been used to treat Autism and Aspergers with amazing results...google leaky gut and the gaps diet....most children with those diseases have terrible gut conditions,,,go for it !!!!!

 
Old 01-14-2011, 05:48 PM   #9
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Re: Help with aspergers children

Your son will probably never quite understand why he can't see his dad...win his dad back, until then the best advise I can give is to figure out what is is about his dad that he wants? Is it because he just lets him be who he is? People with autism/aspergers may not see things the way you and I do. My sweet, dear, autistic husband, Brian thought his daddy was picking a fight with him whenever he would spank him. As a child he could not tell his parents what was going on in his mind but when I wrote my book Autism Undiagnosed I drilled him with questions and as an adult he was able to answer most of them for my book!

People with autism can learn but they may never understand until they are given an example that makes sense to them. For instance Brian used to invade the personal space of everyone he liked. I tried to explain to him that it makes them uncomfortable. He just couldn't understand why? Then I told him to sit down and he was going to be someone I liked. He looked at me very puzzled. I proceeded to stand practically on top of him and asked him if he was comfortable. He said, "NO!" I sort of exaggerated but I proved my point. I told him, "Even though you don't quite get as close as I did, people have this personal space around them where if you get too close they feel just like you did when I was standing practically on top of you." It clicked! However I still have to tell him sweetly to stand back when we are in line or he will get right behind the person in front of us.

I have to give examples like that so he can understand. Maybe you can do the same for your child. Get three objects...one to be you, one to be him and one to be his dad. Tell him who each object is. While holding his dad(the object representing him) carry it away or hide it explaining that his dad left. Pointing to the objects representing you and him. Tell your son its just you and him. Tell him that you are here for him, you love him and you are going to do everything you can do for him. Tell your son that his dad is not here anymore but you are going to try to change that...give him some hope! Maybe he will understand.

As for his dad...kill him with kindness and see if he doesn't spend more time with his son. Don't nag or put him down. If it is not positive don't let it come out of your mouth. There is power in the words we speak and the things we think.

Tell the prettiest little girl she is ugly over and over and I promise she will become ugly. Think bad things about someone and they will eventually come true. Make it a journey to win back his dad. Be sweet, kill him with kindness, don't cut him down ever again and don't let your friends cut him down either...reply, "That is the father of my son, I would appreciate it if you would not talk bad about him." If people call him a dead beat...that's what he will be.

I'll be praying for you and your friend.

In Christian Love,
Bertha Marie Evans

 
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