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Asperger's Syndrome Message Board
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Old 07-20-2010, 01:04 AM   #1
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Aspergers?

Hi, I'm new to this and have joined because I have reasons to believe my partner of six years may have Aspergers Syndrome. Several friends, one with both a husband and a son with Aspergers and another with a son having it, have suggested this and the more I study it, the more I can see similarities. My partner also has a son with Aspergers and a daughter with mild autistic traits.
When we first met (via the internet) he was absolutely besotted with me. Endless emails, texts, phone calls which looking back now I can see was over the top but then I found simply flattering.
After we moved in together I found him almost so attentive as to be stifling. For instance, if I went upstairs I had to tell him why and how long I would be, things like that. Then a few months after moving in I discovered he was back on a dating site and had a string of females that he was emailing etc. although never meeting with any. A few months later after a traumatic family time (illness etc.) he did it again. I realised then that it was following a pattern, always when some kind of stress arose.
After that he did nothing for three years but last summer contacted another woman which I managed to stop but shortly afterwards he started a full blown affair with a local woman which lasted 6 months. That ended because she realised he was losing interest (ie his obsession with her was ending) and so informed her husband which understandably caused huge problems. A few months along and I'm coping (just) whilst he seems to have forgotten the whole thing more or less. Lately I have caught him in correspondence with two more ladies, one who he sold an item to on ebay would you believe, and another who was helping him start his own website (interestingly perhaps) about depression. This had started to progress from business to personal like they all seem to. He has no ideas of boundaries with the opposite sex if you like but has awful problems socially and often simply falls asleep at social gatherings which is very embarrassing.
I feel that he is less interested in me now, less loving I suppose although still needs me for endless support emotionally and otherwise. He has started to be slightly sarcastic which he's never been before and yells and swears at me when I question his thing about women saying I'm controlling.
We had counselling after the affair but he flatly refuses to be criticised and if I get angry just walks away, he can't take any form of negative emotion. My counsellor said that he loves me as much as he can but really the only person he loves his himself.
Our sex life is good although sometimes I think he's obsessed with sex. When he's on holiday, which is a lot as he's a teacher it's twice a day. He's not adventurous with sex, his own satisfaction always comes first and he gets angry if I ever say I don't feel like it even though sometimes he's doing it from habit rather than need.
I would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences. Does this sound like Aspergers and if so, do we stand a chance with our relationship? I understand that men with Aspergers are rarely unfaithful but when they are it's a pattern very hard to break which fills me with despair.
Hoping for help with this!
Frances

 
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