First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nick and I'm 23 years old. I've been diagnosed as bipolar....and I'm curious as to this...here's what's up..
I have a horrible time keeping eye contact. That leads a lot of people to think I'm trying to deceive. I'm terrible at lying. I can't keep eye contact not because I'm trying to deceive...but because I don't feel comfortable with it. I also have little mannerisms that I tend to do (that annoys the hell out of my parents) I'm always doing something with my hands it soothes me to do repeated behaviors like if not wringing my hands or messing with my fingers I tend to rub my shirt seam repeatedly. Then I catch myself rocking myself especially when I'm concentrating or when upset.
I'm big on routine and I get REALLY upset if that routine is interrupted. It ruins my whole day. I have to do everything in a certain way. The way I eat. How I dress. How my room is ordered. My activities. Everything is routine. A slight change in that routine will cause me to have a meltdown.
I'm very picky with food. There is a lot of food that I don't like, and it's not really about taste (although I can be sensitive to that too, but I think everyone can at least a bit...) it's more about texture...for instance Milk, I HATE milk always have since I was a toddler. I don't like the texture of it.
I HATE touch. I can't STAND being touched in anyway. Unless I have asked for the touch it upsets me terribly.
I get obsessed with certain objects. For instance I have a teddy bear that I absolutely adore. I've had him since I was a toddler. Everyone expects me to get rid of this bear. I can't. I LOVE Joey. I cry when I think about getting rid of him. I can't imagine life without him despite the fact that he's merely a teddy bear. To me he's my closest friend and he knows more about me then anyone else in my entire life.
As a child I was never social. I hated any type of "group" activities. When I played with my toys I'd line them up obsessively....
I have no desire for human contact. I really prefer to be left alone. I get uncomfortable in a group type atmosphere (which makes school a nightmare for me). I have very few "friends" (mostly online) and the friends I do have that live where I do I still prefer not to hang out with them. Given the choice between going somewhere with a friend and being home listening to music...I'd much rather stay home by myself and listen to music. However I also have a severe fear of abandonment. I believe that this comes from being abandoned by my mother as a small child (my grandparents raised me I call them mom and dad). I have a problem with relationships but it's more because I have no desire to be touched and boundary issues.
I do have a huge problem with mood regulation. I constantly feel empty like my life has absolutely no significance or importance at all. Like I'm just a waste of time being here. I have a horrible time with my anger. And I have my biological father's temper when I get mad I get destructive and violent. I have meltdowns a lot, and they're not fun...
I also have a problem with sympathizing with other's feelings. I tend to laugh at inappropriate times. Example when someone gets hurt I tend to be amused at it as opposed to being polite and asking "are you okay?" As it pertains to me I also have an issue with describing how I feel, though you couldn't tell from this .... But I was just curious. Thanks
If you are concerned and if everything you said is correct go and get it checked out. If you are looking for answers its the only way for peace of mind.
Take along any tests you have had done, or letters from schools etc. If you have someone you can take along with you for support thats good to. No matter what the diganosis is you will still be you and need to become comfortable and happy with who you are.
After reading what you have written here, I would say yes, you probably do have asperger's. If you'd like me to go into more detail or if you have any questions then let me know. There is an online community you might want to check out called wrongplanet.net for people with aspergers and other forms of autism. I am not a member myself, but you if you have other questions about aspergers, that might be a good place to ask them.
Hi Nickin - Some of the symptoms you describe could sound like Asperger's; but what I would reccommend is an appointment with a psychologist for an evaluation for a diagnosis. Then you will know more for certain. And I would definitely follow up with that suggestion made about finding an Asperger's message board to bounce some ideas back and forth on and to help you get some more insights.
A psychologist could also help you with the feelings of what you want to make of your life; what meaning it has for you. Either the psych might work with you or refer you to a counselor. Good luck to you.