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Old 02-04-2011, 08:45 PM   #1
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Does this sound like Asperger's?

Hi,
I'm new to this board. Is anyone familiar with Rythemic Movement Disorder and its relationship to Asperger's. My adult ex girlfriend has been head rolling since she was a child and I believe this may be from some ADHD. I was always concerned about her preoccupation with details and how she would get so upset when she had to change plans or disturb her routines. My ex was diagnosed with Anorexia when she was about 16 which she overcame but continued everyday exercising. She does not miss a day. i searched the internet and i came up with OCPD which is said to be co-morbid with Anorexia. I now read something out of the UK where they are calling Anorexia the female Asperger's. I am right now separated from her but i feel really bad about the breakup. I am trying to make sense out of it. It seems like we could not agree on just about anything. Certain things and the way she responded to me just did not make sense. It was like she had no experience in dealing with relationship issues. She could not really discuss something without getting angry. i tried to explain the way i was feeling but it did not move her. She would do stuff and I would tell her that hurt me. But I did'nt see any true understanding on why that might hurt me. She just seemed to not understand my feelings. It was almost like i started to feel some awful rejection or just no connection. Yet it's strange I really believe she loves me and I feel the same way but I just get so frustrated with these experiences that I had to leave or she got so fed up with me that she did'nt want me to question her ways!!!. This stuff is so confusing and I need help trying to understand this. i through out a lot of terms but what I have read recently makes me now think it could be Aspergers. If it is. Does she have any understanding of how she reacts or doen't react may be upsetting to the other person.I lose all hope when i start to think she will never get the fact that she may be causing our problem. Yet I'm sure if not positive she thinks it's all me!!!!! Does any of this sound like Aspergers?

 
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Old 02-06-2011, 10:10 AM   #2
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

Very hard to tell, unfortunately. Asperger's is closely linked with social deficits, such as not understanding social cues. I'd like to liken Asperger's to a person who has tone-deafness... they can hear, they can sing... doesn't mean it's same key as yours. They have a hard time understanding why you are upset; very black/white thinkers at times. Let's share a bit of nuance- She calls you and says "I am going to so-and-so's instead of seeing you tonight. I know we had plans, but I'd rather do this." You get upset, tell her "FINE! Go! Have FUN!" in your most sarcastic voice, and you'll hang up. She hears "Fine! Go, have a great time!" She'll never understand why you were upset later, because she hears the most literal form of speech. Subtle nuances are non-existant in her world.

Relationships with Asperger's are very hard. My sister in law has Aspergers, and her social skills are so horrible she just doesn't know how to function. (She's 33, and lives at home still) Her way of trying to fit in with everyone only makes her stick out like a sore thumb. She doesn't understand things unless you lay them out STRAIGHT to her, no hinting, or anything. I have to tell her that "People do not like you saying (insert rude comment here). You may hear me say it to my friends, but they understand that I'm joking with them. When you say (rude comment) to people, they don't realize you are trying to joke around with them and WILL take it the wrong way. So do not do that. Ever." She still doesn't understand most of the time, and actually will make up stories to try to fit in. You'll tell her about your bad day at work, and she'll say "The SAME thing happened to me..." and make up some story because, lets face it, she has no friends and wants desperately for people to like her. She's only had 1 boyfriend, and she couldn't understand why everyone hated him so much. (He used her and she didn't see it) It's draining to either listen, or call her out on it. I've had to tell her many times, and she still doesn't understand. She's not stupid, let's be clear. She just doesn't understand give and take in conversation; she'll listen to you, and turn what you said back into something about her. She has feelings; She exhibits them differently, and will have a meltdown over simple things. She tries to find common ground with people; it just isn't common ground when you don't have interest in it. But she fakes and tries.

I'm not sure if this sounds familiar to you with your ex-girlfriend, but if you feel guilty, don't. My suggestion would be to sit down, and speak clearly with no subtle hints in your voice, nuance, anything. "I want to talk about our relationship. When I talk to you, you ignore what I say. You don't seem to understand if something you've done upsets me. I'd like to remedy that, I don't like having bad feelings about us. I don't want to fight, I care for you. I want to make things better for us. The more I understand how you feel, the more we can work things out." Make it as short and to the point as you can. See if that helps. There are MANY Asperger's "Signs and Symptoms" pages on the web; search one out and see if she's willing to go over the checklist with you. ASPERGER'S IS NOT A DISEASE OR DEFECT IN MY MIND. They, just, think on a different level than most of us. Not negatively, just instinctual. What emotions come easy to us; regret, remorse, guilt, sadness... they register differently. Nothing is wrong with that, or them. They are capable of having successful, happy lives. Recognizing the difference is key though. There are therapies, support groups, EVERYTHING for Aspergers.

As for the Anorexia & exercising, the only thing I can offer you is that Asperger's are known to have fascinations with a certain topic or activity and will pursue it endlessly. I wouldn't call Anorexia the female aspergers by any stretch though. Asperger's generally live in their own little world; they understand on a level that they are different, just, don't know why.

Don't get mad, though. All you can do is sit down and try to speak to her literally; she might not have Aspergers, so don't assume. If you feel she operates on a different level and has insurance, you should see if she's willing to have a psychologist do an examination. If she's unwilling to even consider, then it's a lost cause. You can lead a horse to water; you can't make it drink.

Take care. Hope I helped a little bit.

 
Old 03-18-2011, 05:44 PM   #3
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

Yeah, that sounds an awful like aspergers. I have it myself. I got ill w a virus at one yrs old and was dxd w autism. I lost ability to do simple activities of daily living. Thru intense therapy nursery school I recovered most of my ablities.

I still have some issues w social skills and relationships. I sometimes seem cold towards others and I tend to have an initial wall put up till I know I can trust a person and feel comfortable with someone.

Im not sure what to tell u is the best way to handle this issue, but know that she is not trying to hurt u intentionally, its just part of her. Just try to be there for her, if she will let u. It may take time but maybe she will come around, so to speak and open up to u. If not, dont blame yurself.

Its nobodys fault, thats just the way things are...

Good luck and keep us posted.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 12:58 PM   #4
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

Since she was diagnosed when she was 16, I think there is nothihg she can do about it. Did she have any therapy about that when she was 16? There must be some reasons why they tested her back then.
To be honest, I think she is not aware of it. If you are really hurt by her, I don't think she is capable to understand. You can only take it or leave it. Maybe a therapy session can help but I think this is the way they are.

I suspect my father-in-law has Asperger's as he is extremely self-centered to the point that he has no ability to see that his sons are not working in his own field whatsoever. Now he has Alzheimer's and he is 90.

His late wife was able to tolerate him saying he was born that way. She was also strong enough to do everything for him as he never did any tax or housework except repairs. She didn't mind it because she was quite capable. When she got old, he refused to travel with her to Europe again. So she went alone. However, it does not seem to be good for my husband and they do have this father-son distance issue.
Overall, he is not a bad husband or father, but he is not "good" either considering his selfishness. He is nice to the family in his own term and he has social skills and he is political. Quite charming. But it does not change his nature.

I think you need to think about how far will you tolerate her. If you really cannot take it, leave her alone. Someone else may be able to tolerate her better. My late MIL was quiet and shared the same interest as my FIL. So I imagine someone with the similar interests can be better match for your ex-girlfriend. But I don't think anything can be changed really. She is smart also. So don't worry about it. If you are hurt by her, try to see that it is not personal.

Take care,
Nina

 
Old 03-30-2011, 01:32 PM   #5
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

You mentioned that you ex had anorexia . And called it the female ASpergers. I have had both anorexia and bulimia for many years. I was not considered as having Aspergers though. However with your Ex the head rolling to me, sounds like it could be a tic disorder. If these movements are involuntary , I would suspect either she has something going on that either are chemical imbalances due to the anorexia, or a tic disorder , which is also a movement disorder. Sometimes their will be other obvious signs , such as eye blinking , twitching , and just not being able to hold still at all. My son went through a period of this , when he was under stres the twitching was worse. He was a young boy when this first began happening. He as on Medication to control hyperactitivy , and also had a diagnoses of autism. Professionals even leaned so far as to say he had Tourette's .
Your Ex is hopefully being treated by professionals, and someome is watching her carefully. Chemical imbalances are common in eating disorders, and that can make other symtoms aparent.

 
Old 03-31-2011, 11:22 AM   #6
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

I feel for you. Not only do I have a daughter with AS, my husband shows signs of a similar condition. When I had my daughter evaluated, one of the researchers explained that at that time, AS and autism as well as PPD were all conditions that can not only overlap but have individuals who don't quite fit into any of these areas. It makes life interesting when you are trying to figure out where a person's head is at. Best of Luck.

 
Old 03-31-2011, 02:28 PM   #7
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

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Originally Posted by mothersuperior View Post
I feel for you. Not only do I have a daughter with AS, my husband shows signs of a similar condition. When I had my daughter evaluated, one of the researchers explained that at that time, AS and autism as well as PPD were all conditions that can not only overlap but have individuals who don't quite fit into any of these areas. It makes life interesting when you are trying to figure out where a person's head is at. Best of Luck.
Realy? I was always told that PDD, ASperger's Autism , could overlap. Even though they are separate diagnoses or labels they all have simalar behaviors. I agree with you that it makes it difficult to get a correct diagnoses when this happens. When my son was cery young he had extreme Hyperavtitiy, as well as showing classic behavioral signs of autism. But, whenever I took him to a different professional they all had different impressions of him. Now That was frustrating. Everyone knew something was up with him, a lot of them said he is on the Autistic spectrum, somewhere> They did tests , the CARS rating scale placed him on the mild to moderate for autism. He did have a lot of special ed services.
In 2009 , the regional center set up an appointment to have him evaluated by a neuropsycholigist. by now he was 15. They wanted him re evaluated , aven after all those years he was under the autism diagnoses for schooling.
Well the Neuro did a lot of testing on him as well as talking to him. I talked to the professional first.
His diagnoses stuck > AUTISM . And some very low IQ scores. That actually bothered me the most was the IQ. The DR. wrote a very specific notes on him, and included the tests he had , and it was very clear . But hard to underrstand the test scores . I was not surprised by this diagnoses , but it made me feel bad. Like Now that he was already 15, had so much help in school can do a lot of activites, but to see it in concrete writing , by a very qualified professional was sad. I was hoping a Asperger's diagnoses. But the Dr. said it was becuase of his language delays as a young child prevented it from being Asperger's.

 
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Old 04-01-2011, 08:18 AM   #8
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

Mscat,

I recently just read from an article that autism kids have at least 10 good qualities. They never judge other people and etc. Well, autism is better than retarded if you don't mind my comparison. Asperger's seems to be on another level and people sometimes think Asperger's is just another style or personality.

When it comes to lower IQ, it is hard.
I know there are special ed. school for autism kids. I sure hope your son will get lots of help from the system.
I met someone in church who has a retarded situation (I don't know the person well) but she was with her Mom and she was willing to sing along in the choir and etc. I think sometimes bringing your son along to some social gatherings can help him to mix or blend in. Actually it is quite common to see a retarded person in church because the parents want the kids to get help in church functions.

I think your son certainly can do better since he still has some basic IQs. I find that IQs is not really the only issue in the society. There are lots of stuff such as getting adapted and being political and etc.

My father-in-law who probably had Asperger's (he now has Alzheimer's so it does not matter now) is very political. It is funny because people thought he is really sociable. The fact is he was just playing along and his own preference was to be alone doing his scientific research.

Take care,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 04-01-2011 at 08:19 AM.

 
Old 04-01-2011, 09:03 AM   #9
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Re: Does this sound like Asperger's?

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Originally Posted by ninamarc View Post
Mscat,

I recently just read from an article that autism kids have at least 10 good qualities. They never judge other people and etc. Well, autism is better than retarded if you don't mind my comparison. Asperger's seems to be on another level and people sometimes think Asperger's is just another style or personality.

When it comes to lower IQ, it is hard.
I know there are special ed. school for autism kids. I sure hope your son will get lots of help from the system.
I met someone in church who has a retarded situation (I don't know the person well) but she was with her Mom and she was willing to sing along in the choir and etc. I think sometimes bringing your son along to some social gatherings can help him to mix or blend in. Actually it is quite common to see a retarded person in church because the parents want the kids to get help in church functions.

I think your son certainly can do better since he still has some basic IQs. I find that IQs is not really the only issue in the society. There are lots of stuff such as getting adapted and being political and etc.

My father-in-law who probably had Asperger's (he now has Alzheimer's so it does not matter now) is very political. It is funny because people thought he is really sociable. The fact is he was just playing along and his own preference was to be alone doing his scientific research.

Take care,
Nina
Well I do know that people with autism never lie, and are concrete thinkers. It is very hard for my son when someone is not specific or tells a joke. He just does not get it. Sometimes he gets angry, and easily can have a temper. My brother, a grown man, can gethim going rather quickly. So their are exchanges of words, and now my son uses them against my brother. He also repeats what he hears, and my son has a photographic memory. Sometimes what he hears is inapropiate, and my Matt will eventually repeat it , sometimes at the worst time . Since he is imatating what he heard it can be embarasing.
He is very verbal, but when he was professional diagnosed some of the tests showed where he was lacking on a verbal scale. He thinks in black or white. Good or bad.
Matt Does have quirks, and will constantly talk about what he is interested in all the time.. Very hard for him to change the subject, sometimes I just tune him out, because I have head it a thousand times already. It can become irritating.
He talks in a monotone voice. It is plain without his voice going up or down.
When small he had echolia , just repeaed what he heard someone say, the last three words. He never talked at age 2 . But at 21 months old ,he suddenly said a three word sentence , a toddler who never spoke a word ! He said this is a bottle. We were all stunned. He did do it again but i don't remember what he said. After that no talking until 3 yrs old, then he only repeated . At 4 he got caught up on saying, Hi whats your name? To everybody. Even though he knew their names that was all he said.
I knew for a long time he had cognitive delays, as well as being on the autistic spectrum. Actually WE all knew. I hate the word retarded. now a days it is referred to as cognitive delays, or develomental delay.
He has pretty good adaptative functioning, and knows how to use a computor, he can read some. But does not understand how to tell time or any money skills. A hundred dollar bill is like a dollar to him. Vice versa, their is no comprehension.
It is very difficult for time, and time management, since he can't tell time it is very hard . Same as itis with money.
Lack of social skills , is huge . But he is a friendly kid, as long as your nice to him. He can't stand teasing, and even if kidding , my son goes through the roof. He seems a lot younger then he actually is. Mainly because the delays. Even though he is a big guy people think he is way younger then he is.
When shopping he gets into the "I want" thing, and that is very annoying. He tends to wander too , so their are a lot of things.
He obsesses over movies, dates , actors , actoress, and obtains info by looking it up over the internet. He can figure out when your born just by telling him your age.
He has what is called splinter skills. very strong in one area nearly a wow how can he do that? but then weak in anther area that a 7 yr old would know .
Well he is turning 18 in Aug. Raised him on my own since birth.
mscat

 
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