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Old 02-25-2011, 10:59 AM   #1
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Decrypting

Hello, I'm new on this forum so please forgive the possible mistakes.

My boyfriend and I are together for 3 months. I've always had the impression that some things are not quite right in his behavior but decided not to make any assessments.
A few patterns seem to repeat themselves though and it's beginning to worry me...

1. he often repeats my word or ideas, acting as if I hadn't said that
2. he has problems identyfing what is relevant in a discussion and what not
3. he sometimes really speaks and talks as if he wouldn't have any feelings and doesn't seem to notice that it's not normal
4. he has very naive thoughts and plans regarding our relationship, rarely can think realistical about it and actually about anything...
5. he rarely understands subliminal messages or ironies- as a contrast, he's very intelligent, olympic in maths and physics
6. he's socially not very skillful, to say so. I mean he's not really keen on noticing the intentions people have regarding his person or what he should do in specific moments
7. he switches from one mood to another and then doesn't admit he acted differently; I have the impression I'm talking to 2 different people
8. He puts all his thoughts into words, I can't always decide whether what he says addresses me or not;
9. has problems making decisions
10. never foresee what could hurt a person or why that happens... I always have to explain myself when he hurts me.

these would only be some of the weird aspects... It can't be related to immaturity, I'm sure of that and I also don't think he's pretending. I would also not classify it as lack of experience... anyone learns with time, doesn't he?

In fact I need your oppinions:

Could something be wrong with him? I sometimes have the feeling our relationship is leading nowhere...

Thank you in advance for your help!

Last edited by windnangels; 02-26-2011 at 08:34 AM.

 
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Old 02-25-2011, 07:59 PM   #2
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Re: Decrypting

Hi there,
I can tell you with no doubt , that your boyfriend has many autistic spectrum traits. If he has never been diagnosed by a professional then their is not much anybody can do. Unless he agrees to a evaluation from a qualified professional.
I do know that a lot of people on the spectrum can be very high funtionioning and have relationships. Just a little bit more different then what would be commonly expected in a person.

 
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Old 02-26-2011, 04:38 AM   #3
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Re: Decrypting

I was fearing he could have schizophr. traits because of what I wrote in bullets no. 1 and 7. but I don't really have the right to make such assumptions. It would be scaring, though.

1. he often repeats my word or ideas, acting as if I hadn't said that
"7. he switches from one mood to another and then doesn't admit he acted differently; I have the impression I'm talking to 2 different people "

Last edited by windnangels; 02-26-2011 at 04:53 AM. Reason: Had to add something

 
Old 05-16-2011, 07:40 PM   #4
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Re: Decrypting

Quote:
Originally Posted by windnangels View Post
8. He puts all his thoughts into words, I can't always decide whether what he says addresses me or not;
Hi, have a dx of Asperger Syndrome and can relate to this one big time
It is a conscious effort to stay focused on what the other person said rather than going off on a tangent of inner thoughts.

A lot of the other traits you describe sound like they are on the spectrum.
In social situations, people speak in a complicated language; there is much subtext. Direct communication is the only thing that makes much sense. People make subtle eye movements to communicate their emotions. i don't speak with much emotion.
People with AS can learn things with time but progress only so far socially (it depends on the individual). For example, i can learn some superficial things but still have trouble understanding the most appropriate way to respond. In a straightforward, structured situation it is easy, but when there is no structure it gets complicated and confusing.

Quote:
10. never foresee what could hurt a person or why that happens... I always have to explain myself when he hurts me.
Can relate to this also though it is more subtle. The words themselves aren't offensive but the way they are said sometimes (without meaning to). For example, using a coarse tone of voice when approaching a certain issue rather than talking softly or testing the waters first. Same words are spoken but the inflection makes a big difference. For many on the spectrum, this does not come naturally- or the phrasing isn't quite right.

Last edited by sunni123; 05-16-2011 at 07:43 PM.

 
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