My brother is 66 years old and we have never gotten along. I am 59. I have just realized in the past few years that he must be a high ? functioning Aspergers. He has many of the characteristics. The problem I have is my family dynamics has been influenced all my life by him. My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mother (who is very attached to him and still covers for him) allowed him to be a surrogate father to me and I highly resented it. He would discipline me, but he could do what I did and it was ok. I considered him to be a spoiled brat and I couldn't understand why he just wouldn't "do right". Now I realize he wasn't capable of it, although I think my mother just gave up on him since she couldn't seem to be able to discipline him. He was failing in high school, and was watching tv all the time so she got rid of it. I had no tv in my life until I went to college. He was also very controlling to me.What he wanted to do, he got to do. He had no friends in school, or they were all weird like him. Now she is 89 and needs someone to stay with her. He is freaking out that he has to be responsible to someone other than himself. She will not admit he has problems. I think she knew but couldn't admit she had an "imperfect" child. I guess what I am saying is that yes, we should be understanding and all that but what about the other family members who suffer due to all the attention paid to this person? I never knew how to talk to people when I was growing up because if you talked to my brother he would ask you endless questions and question everything you said. It was so tiring to defend myself over and over. No one told him he was a jerk and rude, but me and then I was the bad guy. (according to my mother)
I could not tell you if yiur brother meets the defination of Asperger's syndrome. At his age, I do not see it making a significant difference in his behaviors or thought process. Or life
I hope someone other then your brother can take care of your mother. He acts like he does not want to, and might not have the capability to so so . I'd try to stay away from your brother if you could, and focus more on your mother needs.