Good idea or just plain weird??
My partner with un-diagnosed AS has a sister living just around the corner, sometimes I think great, other times Im not so sure what to think. I believe she is also in the spectrum, however not diagnosed either.
Approx a mth or so ago my partner & I had a disagreement (as cpls do) and took off on me, as he often does. For part of the time he stayed with his sister(which I was happy he was seeking an alternate perspective as in the past he would not) and I suppose he said part of the time just wandering around as he often does, he was gone most of the weekend, basically staying with her. In the past he would be gone at times for days b4 returning, usually ended upo at his senior parents an hour away, but as his sister recently moved in our neighborhood, looks like he has a new place to run to. He has managed to get some control over those urges to run off and has only done so once whereas he didnt return home..recently he stayed at his sisters past midnight, came home & again left the next morning, so improving I would say compared to the past where hed be gone no communication for days at a time.
When I asked for advice from his sister, she seemed to feel he needed to make some friends( as he has none) and maybe he just needed to get away every now & again , do guy things and maybe lower his levels of frustrations I see her point to a small extent..however was still surprised when she called over & advised my partner that a cpl guys moved in next door to her and maybe he should meet them as they may have some common interests, this could help get him out of the house more...etc etc...no I didnt feel right about this then or now..
The two guys that moved in next to her are in their late 20's early 30's, both like making videos apparently, work out and like to Rap...who knows what else really. The sister went on & on about how cool they are & how she wished my partner would just pop over one day to meet them...so tonight again she called and invited him..alone of coarse...to go meet these guys next door. Id like to make a note that this is the third time this summer the sister has excluded me from an invite, which I think is just plain rude. Its a bit tiring for me and irritating as his partner to be regularly left out. I was frustrated tonight again when she insisted he go there..and more frustrated I suppose when he simply just went without question seemingly thinking this was ok..in the past he wouldn't go anywhere social, however he has been trying to be more social and finding it easier, so off he went..without one weird thought..although I felt left with many. He said he only stayed there for a few minutes , said hi and went back to his sisters..they all live in a five minute walk from our own house..
He told me they were young, interesting guys and may he will pop by again one day and say Hi.. oh and I of coarse could come too..needless to say I didn't find this appealing, nor normal in any way.
I honestly find this all child like and plain weird of his sister to do.. nothing else. He thinks Im unreasonable and that there's nothing wrong with this..so I expressed how I felt & naturally he just went to bed early, covered up his head as he usually does when he doesn't like something I say..and didnt want to talk anymore as I was feeling weird about it all.
I dont feel this was normal or natural of his sister to do, feel its forced and I almost feel embarrassed for him & for her..I just cant seem to feel one positive thing about this whole situation.. he assures me he doesn't feel she is doing anything wrong, and that next time he will bring me...I just feel weirded out!
I feel his sister is interfering, even if in her head she is doing good..I still dont think this is right.
His sister has now been the root cause of a cpl disagreements we've had recently, and I feel there will be more as shes only lived close for less then a year. I know SHE may feel she is doing good somehow..but come on..hes a 42yr old man..not a guy that needs a cpl 30yr olds to hang with..at best he needs a 45yr old to play golf with..not these dudes who are still living life high and wild ..single and unattached..what is she thinking??.
I dont see how she feels this is a good thing to do, nor do I feel its the time in my partners life for his 55yr old sister to be searching for play dates for her little brother so he can bond with some males in the neighborhood. IMO he is a full grown man and we just happened to have our five children here tonight and we are all on holidays, not a time for him to be rapping with some 20yr olds..I dont get it?? I feel very irritated. Whats wrong with her finding a nice cpl we can both do couple things with..Im guessing its because she has two failed relationships and hasnt been a part of a cpl for years. What does anyone else think of this?? What should I do without causing a huge family scandle..I do like her...but man she has some serious issues....and now they are crossing into my world with her brother..
Last edited by Kat41; 08-17-2011 at 11:40 PM.