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Old 11-23-2011, 01:19 AM   #1
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Question Undiagnosed Aspergers Syndrome in partner?

Hello everyone,†sorry in advance for the long post... my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years and are young parents to a happy and beautiful 7 mth old boy.†We love eachother a lot, but†I started to notice a change in his behavior and characteristics †when we first started dating.†

He had certain quirks about himself and he found it hard to read body language. He was very clingy, messaging/calling obsessively and would take offense if i asked for time alone. He also became easily insulted and couldn't laugh at himself or take a friendly joke.

We have had a lot of problems from the start of our relationship but recently they have become a lot worse as he gets older. His name calling towards me started out as a frustrated response in arguements, but as time went on they became a lot more sinister and nasty.

I figured he must have had a lot of troubles in his life with things he wasn't telling me, and this was resulting in heavy depressive and defensive behaviour. I cared a lot about him and stayed to make sure he wouldn't feel alone. I invested a lot of emotional time and effort because of this.†

I eventually became exhausted and depressed. It continued as i got pregnant and his symptoms got worse. Baby was born and my bf was more concerned about casting the attention on him, not talking about anything else but himself... he seemed literally incapable of changing the subject and was extremely jealous of bub. I'm so emotionally bruised that i can't handle supporting him now that i've found out i have post partum depression. When i'm down he stares from across the room whining that i'm not happy anymore and he shows no empathy for the way i feel. (although he sometimes expresses he does care)

The reason i am posting in this section, is that i've recently been told that his†father has Aspergers syndrome and his step mum is leaving him because she cannot handle the emotional and verbal abuse that he has caused. He has also passed AS onto their eldest daughter, my boyfriends half sister. I'm glad that i may now know what may have been troubling my partner all these years, but i'm now afraid my son might have it too. I have gone through a lot of grief with my partner and been with him through so much pain that i don't want to see the same thing happen to my baby boy. My bf has avoided his families calls so has no idea his dad has AS, and he may have it too.

I wanted to know how i could get my partner to get tested but i don't know how to go about this. Also should i handle my partner differently/sensitively now that i know he may have AS? I also wanted to know how i can be stronger for my son and what to do if He is diagnosed with AS too?

If there is anyone who has Aspergers or has children with AS or are partners of people diagnosed with AS, please share your stories. I would love to hear them.

 
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Old 11-24-2011, 03:05 PM   #2
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Re: Undiagnosed Aspergers Syndrome in partner?

I also believe my sons father has AS. I left him after I noted alarming behaviors from our very young son. The response was from him was "you pay him too much attention"(?)! My love changed before my eyes..I left him when my son was 20 months old. My son was Dx as PPD-nos at age 6 and aspergers at 9. I did have his father evulated when I was still nursing..he denied everything! The need for psy workup,sessions and medication. After my son was DX I could actually see what I missed, all the odd type behaviores his father has. He is very bright in many areas!! I do still miss him but could not help someone who did not believed he needed help. My son it 18 now (also DX with rare JIO after falling at age of 12/fx his L hip). He has had 4 hip surgeries and now needs a replacement. Has not seen his father since age of 5 (sad). His fathers behavior has gotten him arrested many times since I left him,jobless and at times homeless. All of this is so very sad to someone who I loved and so bright but would not accept help. I an hugging you Beaclady

 
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