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Asperger's Syndrome Message Board
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Old 06-10-2012, 04:36 AM   #1
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(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
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mintchocolate90 HB User
Dating

Hi there,

I'm a college student who has, within the past few months, began seeing somebody with Asperger's. He's never visibly socially awkward, doesn't say anything particularly peculiar, and is incredibly affectionate--in fact, I'm one of the only people who has any idea that he has AS (including his friends). Because of these reasons, I actually was really surprised when he told me since I had had friends in high school with AS and even though they were all really great and fun, they definitely seemed much more awkward socially than he ever has. He was slow at first to get close to me, but we've become extremely close and I really, truly adore him. He's sweet, talented, intelligent, and has never so much as raised his voice to me--overall, he's just an excellent partner.

The only trouble is that I don't know how to handle when he's upset. I have pretty bad anxiety myself and therefore get panic attacks frequently, but I've rarely ever been on the other side of the crying and shaking. He occasionally gets really sad and seems to be upset by himself being upset, which is troubling since of course I would never want him to feel embarrassed by this (especially considering how often I cry myself...), but I don't know how to comfort him better than to hold him.

Is there anything that I can do that might help more? I want to be sensitive about the AS but I don't want him to ever feel like I think of it as a disability or anything, because I don't think it is. I have a condition that caused my anxiety in the first place and have had boyfriends look at that in a really pitiful sort of manner, which made everything worse for how I felt despite the fact that I just reacted to things differently than a lot of other people might. I absolutely do no want him to think that I'm unhappy at him for being upset--I just want to make him feel better when he is.

Anyways, if anyone has advice on how to best comfort a romantic partner with Asperger's, let me know!

 
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:09 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Liverpool, England
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GinjNinj HB User
Talking Re: Dating

This guy sound exactly like me, mild AS so has some symptoms but not all.

If he truly is anything like me, he'll be very embarrassed to be crying in front of his girlfriend. My advice is to temporarily switch from girlfriend to caring mother sort of person, simply comfort him and let him get his feelings out.

I'm not sure if this advice is good, but it's worth a try and definetly better than panic attacks, no offence.

 
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asperger's, asperger's syndrome, autism, dating



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