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Old 07-26-2013, 10:10 AM   #1
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Question aspergers complicated by phobias

Hello.
i have found my recovery to be a lot harder than i expected. My only social contact in life is the church group i joined. For a long time it was the one shining star of positivity in this world for me.
Then a new guy came in who seems to want to be the head of the place as his own personal social club, and "i ain't in it." Constant private and public put-downs, insults, and embarrassments make me think this guy is nutsziod against me. Yet he is almost overly accepted by everyone else because he is a master manipulator of people. So now i stand alone in the group.
The trouble is I accepted the church before he came in and also accepted the church, now i'm the oddball in my own church and i think a lot of it has to do with being an aspie.
He whams on me because I don't fight back, but he doesn't know how lucky he is that I've accepted the church's teachings and don't return railing for railing, because i can be an extremely nasty dude if I decide to be -- but it is not my nature.
THE PHOBIAS are: lifelong anxiety; lifelong depression; panic; fears of being seen; of going outside; of talking to people obviously, but also of just being near another person; frankly I grew up with my late mother as my 50-year life's companion (co-dependency) so since she passed on, I've almost lost my capacity for emotional love; body dysmorphic disorder; agoraphobia; anthropophobia; WELL I've discovered that i don't know how to live.
I know I need a wife, but find also that I have neglected to make myself a livelihood and so am dependent on Disability money in this nice house to keep me from becoming a street person. I rent a room in a basement, and have the place pretty much to myself, all the amenities -- another bubble to live in. The first bubble burst when mom died. This one will burst when i have to move out of here, unless i can get a cool thousand behind me. Ha! My bank account goes down to zero in the middle of the month. No, I don't "lay up and wait for a welfare check every month," I keep myself immersed in the church every day, trying to be as useful to people as this sick mind can be. NO BEER. Nothing. No smoking, no alcohol, not (much) cussing, i'm so square i might accidentally cut myself on my edges. I belong in the Victorian Era, so SQUARE! I am neat and clean and keep my room and the basement the same way.
I USED TO HAVE A TEMPER, but I've matured out of anger and find i cannot even hold a grudge. GEEZ, I'm so squeaky clean I could sell myself out as laundry detergent! BUT BECAUSE OF THE PHOBIAS AND ASPERGERS I PLAIN DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE.
Thank you for your time. Maybe, you have a comment or an inquiry?

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 10:39 AM   #2
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What about trying to take "baby steps". Go out a little bit one day, maybe go down to the corner, then the next day maybe go a little further, then a few days later maybe you will feel up to walking around the block. You say you immerse yourself in church duties, does that mean you go to church? So you must be leaving the house sometimes, right?

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 10:55 AM   #3
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What about trying to take "baby steps". Go out a little bit one day, maybe go down to the corner, then the next day maybe go a little further, then a few days later maybe you will feel up to walking around the block. You say you immerse yourself in church duties, does that mean you go to church? So you must be leaving the house sometimes, right?
Thank you for the kind reply, rosequartz.

Yes, i can take the bus around the city on good days. Most days i'm home. I've missed church for the last 5 or 6 weeks straight, because the stress builds up with migraines (with aura), panic attacks, or agoraphobia.

I've been fully dressed for church then stayed home because i could not force myself out the door because -- i forgot to mention this. Our little group of a dozen has grown to 50+ over the last year, and with that growth my attendance got worse. Now i just plain can't face them, it seems.
I don't really need baby steps.
I really need coping strategies.
But the aspergers association here has quit for the summer!

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 11:06 AM   #4
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

oh my mistake, I thought the baby steps analogy was a form of a coping strategy. Could you find a friend to go with? If there are 50+ people in the group, surely you could find a kindred spirit? They can't ALL be following this one bully, could they?

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 01:17 PM   #5
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
oh my mistake, I thought the baby steps analogy was a form of a coping strategy. Could you find a friend to go with? If there are 50+ people in the group, surely you could find a kindred spirit? They can't ALL be following this one bully, could they?
One other guy and a few of the women seem to be on to him.
Oh, thanks for the discussion. I had a nap 'cause i'm in a depressive bout.
My fear of people is key - I've been thinking - in my 20s and 30s it was just under the surface, but with my great depression since the 1990s it has grown much more prominent.
I'd handle maybe 20 of us, but 50 makes me quiver.
I must sound like a wimp.
Honestly I'm not.
Every person I walk past, even family, the question comes up in the back of my brain, "What is this person going to do to me?"
Anthropophobia is fear of people.
Apparently if does happen.
Ha! Apparently!
So I ask, how do I learn how to live?
I think this may have to go to the professionals.
Yet I would appreciate any comment you may have.
Any information is something.

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 02:35 PM   #6
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

although I am not an aspie, I am not totally comfortable in social situations myself. Sometimes I avoid them if I can, so I understand. You don't sound like a wimp at all. I suggest you align yourself with the guy and lady who are "onto him". You may find in time that more people turn away from him after they see his true colors. Just be patient and bide your time on that one. Do you like animals? would you consider volunteering at a shelter or even adopting a pet? They make life more enjoyable and give unconditional love.

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 02:55 PM   #7
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
although I am not an aspie, I am not totally comfortable in social situations myself. Sometimes I avoid them if I can, so I understand. You don't sound like a wimp at all. I suggest you align yourself with the guy and lady who are "onto him". You may find in time that more people turn away from him after they see his true colors. Just be patient and bide your time on that one. Do you like animals? would you consider volunteering at a shelter or even adopting a pet? They make life more enjoyable and give unconditional love.
Dear rosequartz,

"not totally comfortable," no, maybe not, for we are all under each other's scrutiny to some extent. That i think is normal.
i'd get an old cat. An indoors 'retired' cat. One who just needs a safe place to live out its years.
An animal shelter sounds perfect.
See? Good advice! No surprise that you're a senior vetran here.

Bless You, stingafurt

 
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Old 07-26-2013, 03:39 PM   #8
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Re: aspergers complicated by phobias

a retired senior cat sounds wonderful! You'd be saving a life and gaining a loyal companion/friend. My mom adopted a senior pug 2 years ago when his owner passed away. He was 13 and the family didn't want him, they were just going to throw him away, which I think is so sad, considering how much he was loved by his owner, you would think her family would have respected and honored her enough to keep the little guy and love him and let him live out his life. I found out about him from a friend of a friend on a pug message board and the rest is history. He's 15 now, and I don't think anyone would have expected him to live that long, but with love and care, anything is possible.

 
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