Please help !!!

2nosy

Children with Aspergers usually aren't known for being disruptive. They are known for having meltdowns, but that's when they are frustrated about something. Children with Aspergers are usually very quiet or socially awkward, so they are viewed as strange, but most often these kids are totally ignored by their peers. I know children with Autism can be considered disruptive. Now they have merged Aspergers and Autism together, which we all probably know. Some adults I know who have Aspergers refuse to honor this change because they don't understand it, and think it was just somebody's bright idea. I personally think it was a mistake to make Aspergers and Autism the same diagnosis because they are not the same, and in many ways, they are opposites.
As far as your son not doing his homework, I personally would have to be there to observe him, how he interacts with teachers and peers, and even see how he interacts with you, and if not, really get daily reports on how things are at home.
It could be that your son does not understand his homework, has dyslexia, or may even not be able to read. You might think it would have been detected by now, but some people are expert concealers when it comes to reading and such. Maybe a tutor or skills trainer would help. I'm not sure how he would feel about having a skills trainer with him in high school, it may make it worse. I do know that oftentimes children do so much better with a third party adult such as a tutor when it comes to these types of situations. They will work better with a tutor than with mom. It doesn't mean you are not a good mom or he prefers someone else. I can't explain it much, but I know it works. I can't make any guarantees of course, but it may be worth it to try. Some schools have afterschool programs. I know these things cost money, but if he has a disability, he should be eligible for a skills trainer or someone to help him after school even. It might take some time and patience, but it might work.
One more thing I want to say is this could be a way for your son to get lots of your attention. I could be totally wrong, but if this is his motive, he's doing a good job.
Also, you may need to back off a little? Give him some space? What you're doing may be well-intended, but mom may be overdoing it. I'm sure you know we Aspies need our space. We don't like to be crowded, we don't like crowds, and we tend to spend lots of time alone because we are not comfortable with people. Being in school all day is a great challenge for us, then to come home and be well...approached every single day by someone who wants to fix us, see us in her own image, lecture us about the same thing for (hour?). I would tune her out too. This could be for any kid. They will tune you out or at least seem to, but one old theory I used to hear was that although children don't seem to be listening to their parents, they in fact are listening. They hear every word you say. They just don't let on. It's just the way kids are.
And they will ignore you. I remember our mother would call us to dinner several times. We would just keep watching T.V. Then she would say, "Don't come when you get good and ready, come now." That's when we got up and went to our food. Maybe we realized we were hungry, and she actually had a point. I know this is getting a little off track from your original topic which is your son doing his homework, but it's all relative.
I also know it can be very difficult to get a child to tell you what's bugging them or the real reason they won't do what you expect. Sometimes they don't know themselves, or they somehow feel responsible if something bad is happening to them perhaps at school.
One last thing I learned in family resources/life cycles: Boys are very different than girls in one particular way many people don't know or understand. It's communication, and of course, there are exceptions to every rule. The theory I'm referring to is that girls are more direct. You can sit down and talk to them face to face. Now it may be something too embarrassing or maybe she feels defensive, or she's the exception. Now for boys, it is said that it is much easier to talk with them while doing an activity such as fishing or shooting hoops. Shooting hoops takes more energy, so it may be harder for them to concentrate on what you are saying, but I think you get my idea. It's easier to talk with boys while doing an activity, while it's easier to sit and talk with a girl face to face. You might want to think of a simple activity, and do it with your son when he isn't feeling defensive, and try talking to him that way. You might get more out of him if you don't push too hard.
Also, you may try laying...off I mean away...for a while, and see if he loosens up around there. Take the attention off of him. Nobody likes to be singled out. And remember you have a life too. Maybe you could use some recreation. If you divert your attention away from him, he may come looking for it. ["Hey, where did all my attention go?"]
One last thing, if I haven't managed to annoy you totally. There are support or rap groups for Asperteens. There's noting like going to a group with your peers who know exactly how it is or have their own personally experiences with Aspergers. Sometimes, these are the only friends they have or it is a great way for children who have such a hard time making friends at school to get out and meet some young people who have the same problem. Of course, you would want to check into it to make sure it is legitimate, and even go with him and sit in another room close by perhaps with other parents also incase he feels he's not ready for this and wants to leave. I'm sure you know these precautions as a parent, and maybe you have already tried this. I just want to mention precautions because I'm making this post, and I feel it's my responsibility to make it as complete as possible.

Good luck.