Separated parents - Autism Spectrum Message Board

homerjay · 09-17-2004, 05:22 AM

Hi all,
My partner has a daughter of 2 1/2 who has just been diagnosed autistic, it seems she is on the mild side & it was diagnosed becuase she has a speech delay (she does say a few words but not many)

Since she has been diagnosed, her weekly routine has been changed significantly and she does seem to have improved. she now goes to nursery 3 times a week, her dad has her one day a week. he used to have her overnight, but my partner has asked him to give that up & she now stays at home 7 nights a week.

We have noticed that she really needs at least an hour nap during the day. The nursery are not giving her this and she is becoming very grumpy and irritable with ZERO concentration span.

My question is, does anyone have an autistic child and is separated from the other partner. Is it a good idea to remove the 1 nights access to her dad? I know autistic kids thrive on predictable routine, but my partner is unsure what is for the best. It looks increasingly likely that she is going to have to change nursery to one that accomodates naps in the afternoons.

One thing we have tried is piling her with sweets to see the results. well, she was a nightmare a kind of "little *******", so sweets are now banned from her diet. The next stage is possibly a gluten free diet. but we need to get the routine sorted first.

Thanks for any help!

lillypad · 09-20-2004, 03:56 PM

Hi!
What a great support person you are! I do think that structure is very important. I also believe that Dad needs to share in the parenting. Only my thoughts, but her support system will need to increase as she grows up and taking Dad out of the loop decreases it.

Besides that, Moms need a break too! Hopefully the Mom and Dad can come to some agreement on consistent visitation and stick to it. If he is willing and able to participate I say include him - alot! My children's dad bailed on them early in the game. Like I said, just my thoughts!

Naps, you bet! Most 2 1/2 year olds still need naps!

Lisa in Indiana · 09-21-2004, 04:24 PM

Hi and welcome!

I have to say that I do disagree with asking the father to give up his night with his daughter. In the beginning, autistic children do have a tendacy to resist any knid of change...HOWEVER, if you repeat, repeat, repeat...they eventually get used to the routine of being at Daddy's house.
I used to think I couldn't leave my dd with anyone, then I began taking her to my brother's house once a week. She cried for about the first month when I would leave her (but only until I was out of sight). No matter how much it pulled at my heart strings, I did not give in to her. I never left her for extremely long periods...the most ever was 3-4 hours. She eventually learned that going to her Uncle's house was not torture and she began to look forward to those visits. Now, she loves it so much, she even spends the night. So, maybe you could try the building up to an overnight stay thing.
Her father really needs to be kept informed of all her needs and treatments, etc. To shut him out just because she is autistic is unfair. Autism is a very treatable thing with therapy, exercise, and dietary intervention. Unless she is in some kind of danger at her father's house, he should be included in her upbringing just like a common child of divorced parents would be. She will need all the support she get in the upcoming weeks, months and years.