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Old 11-17-2004, 09:59 PM   #1
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Unhappy help! autistic nephew has regressed

hi all am new to this board . i hope i can get some answers here...There's an autistic in the family (son of bro in law) and sad to say he's regressed. He was diagnosed at 3 (he's turning 10 in 3 mos.) but we could sense somethin wrong with him b4 that. Let's call him 'sonny'. His parents said there's nothin wrong with their child. Told them to consult a pedia, they did and the pedia said Sonny's normal, he's just one of those 'late talkers' ,accdg to her.. that's not just the problem, when u call him he wldnt turn to you so hubby told his bro that maybe the hearing is affected. My bro in law wld always say then that nothing's wrong with Sonny. They weren't even bothered when Sonny smeared the carpet with his poo and almost ate it (he was more than 2 y.o. then) . I thought that's not normal anymore cuz kids that age wld vomit at the sight n smell of it. Sonny wldn't play with the others, no eye contact, he wldnt cry when he hurt himself. The time came when his parents accepted the truth so they enrolled him in a special school. Sad to say the mother wasnt attentive, she left all the task to bro in law and they hired someone to look after sonny. Not long after, sonny's parents separated. His mother went on with her life. Sonny was with my bro in law and one of the teachers was able to find him a new nanny. The new nanny taught him lotsa stuff, even ride a bike (no supporting wheels). Sonny's life changed when his father had a new wife. The new wife got preggy and told bro in law that it's no use sending Sonny to a school which he attended 1-2x/wk. She said Sonny's just imitating the kids' behavior and showin no progress plus it's a waste of money and time. Not long after , the nanny resigned. They hired a new one but she had no experience with autistic child. This new caretaker got along well with the wife for they came from the same place and speak the same dialect. Sonny wld go out less often. Sonny wld write less. Sonny wld speak less and Sonny wld always pee in his pants and play with his poo. The new caretaker spends less n less time with Sonny cuz the wife has now 2 kids--Sonny's halfbros. Sonny is so afraid of his stepmum. When i go to their house, Sonny wld grab my hand and put it on his head, i then wld pat him or tickle him , he enjoys this. And when the stepmum is in sight he'd stop in an instant.

Sonny has no one now. His father is so busy minding his business. We can't rely on his stepmum for she has her own babies now. I feel guilty for not makin a move in helping him. What's the best approach can i make? I dont want to appear like meddling. I'm aware that by helping Sonny, i am risking my relationship with the stepmum. Any advice on this? thanx a lot!

Noobee
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Old 11-18-2004, 06:44 AM   #2
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Re: help! autistic nephew has regressed

I think this is a hard situation. Is the stepmom aware of Autiism and everything about? Maybe she needs to be more educated on the subject. Can you offer to have Sonny at your house and spend time with him as well.? I do think you need to have a talk with the dad to help him realize what you see is happening. It is in the best interest of the child. I wish you all the luck.

 
Old 11-18-2004, 09:46 AM   #3
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Re: help! autistic nephew has regressed

Yes i agree this is very important for the future of Sonny he is a human being with Special needs .Contact the Autism Society they will send you alot of infomation on Autism and you can give it to the Parents.Someone needs to be involved these issues need to be addressed it will benefit Sonny and also make things between him and his parents get better and keep the home running smoothly it takes alot of work to raise a family and more with a special needs person .Theres alot of major issues that go with Autism .Sonny needs alot of attention and help and so does his parents by the sound of your post. I dont know if theres a State Regional center for the handicapped in your city they can help also by sending someone over to help with Sonny.They will also be his Advocate per say his rights laws, needs.There are alot of services out there for him.Also if the parents feel there are issues with him at school let them set up a meeting with the teachers and address the problems with them . Maybe he needs to be in a different setting.I dont know.His parents might want to have the special education school district office phycologist do a reassessment with him with his parents near by!His parents are his voice.He sounds like he wants alot of attention and he deserves to have it just like any other person. We all need LOVE.God Bless you. What would Sonny do with out you being his voice too.

Last edited by I Love LJC; 11-18-2004 at 09:48 AM.

 
Old 11-18-2004, 06:19 PM   #4
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Re: help! autistic nephew has regressed

Everyone has given some great advice, one other thing I would suggest is that if you are in the position to do so, offer to have Sonny on a regular basis, ask his parents if that would be ok as you understand how difficult it can be with having a child with a disability and finding the time for the other children. This way you are not saying they are "neglecting" Sonny but giving them an "out" to have a break. More importantly though it is giving Sonny the chance to spend time with people who care and want to help him in ways that are different. He obviously likes you and trusts you a great deal. It would also give you the chance then to bring up issues that you see in a way that they will accept as concern rather than interference.

It can be such a difficult line to walk and I don't envy you. If you feel that there is abuse (you mentioned that he is scared of his stepmom) then you may be able to get enough info out of him to contact the proper authorities in your area and act upon. If this is the case I would not be concerned over family relationships if a childs well being is at stake. Please know I am not saying it is the case or accusing them of abuse.
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Old 11-19-2004, 01:17 AM   #5
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Re: help! autistic nephew has regressed

thank you for the replies. We're in Thailand. And the word autism is not really familiar to all. There may be lots of autistic in this country but those affected didnt receive proper care, some, i heard were even locked up/ chained. There's not much institutions. I was told that 1 of the reasons y Sonny's not in a special school is because they (institution) won't accept him anymore for his condition's already severe and that there are really not much educated caretakers here. Sonny doesnt talk-- oh when he does, he's always led by someone and he'd follow and the words he utter are not clear.
When sonny's stepmum moved in with his dad, she was like goody goody to him. There was a time that the mother of Sonny told them that she's gonna get Sonny but the stepmum herself refused n told us "what's she thinkin, y wld i give Sonny to her, Sonny is doin quite well here with me" ... oh well.. i think at that stage she's still tryin to win Sonny's dad n she didnt have a child of her own then.. bout a couple of months ago , the mother of Sonny wanted to see him and so they met, Sonny with the caretaker, stepmum n my sis in law. The mother told the stepmum that she was really willing to take care of Sonny then BUT now, not anymore, she got no time, said she trusts teh stepmum.. the stepmum didnt say a thing and when they're home she's furious..makes me think that she wants to get rid of Sonny but can't find a way... Sonny's parents had been separated for like 5 or 6 yrs now and u can count the times the mother tried to visit Sonny.
is Sonny bein abused? in a way i think yes. he's deprived of what he needed most-- love and care. the stepmum cld go shopping, bring her son with her n tag Sonny's caretaker along... in those times, Sonny's on his own , in his room.

as for me, i have kids of my own. we live 1 block away from Sonny. 3 days ago i went to see Sonny n brought him at work (family business) , the caretaker came too n she's so defensive. When it's time to go Sonny wldnt leave. Next time i bring him here, i'l tell teh caretaker not to bother comin .. any more suggestions?
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Old 11-19-2004, 05:30 AM   #6
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Lisa in Indiana HB User
Re: help! autistic nephew has regressed

Thai Autism Vocational Center and The Association of Parents for Thai Persons with Autism are 2 resources I found for you. Look them up. I hope this helps you! God Bless you!

 
Old 11-19-2004, 07:18 PM   #7
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noobee HB User
Re: help! autistic nephew has regressed

Thanx so much Lisa for the effort to look up for the sites. I appreciate it very much. I called the Association but the receiver cldnt help me.. called the autistic thailand but the receiver's a kid, she said her parents went abroad. I'll look up for more and will tell u guys if i'm successful at finding one...

have a wonderful w/end !
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