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Old 01-13-2005, 09:01 PM   #1
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edaisy80 HB User
Sad and I don't know what to do....

I'm going to go ahead and say I'm sorry if this post gets long. But I really need some advice.

My husband is in the military and oviously we move every couple of years and we meet lots of people. But the problem is I don't know how I'm going to explain to my son that his best friend may be moving away. The last time we moved he had a little friend but he was really to young to understand. It wasn't like he ask to play with him or anything. He's almost 7 now. Well his best friends dad found out on Monday that he was getting out of the Army in 4-8 weeks. He was being reviewed by the medical board and they told him they were sending him back to Iraq for 12-18 months so I didn't think to try to prepare my son for this. I don't want to sound selfish but I just don't know how I'm going to get him to comprehend that he can't just get into the car and go see his friend or go to school and see him. If the little boys father get the federal job here on base then they will stay but the problem is he may not get it. Has anyone every had to explain to their child that there friend is moving? I know that he won't comprehend. I think that's the problem. They have been friends since Kindergarden. Now their both in first grade. Well my son won't play with anyone else in his classroom but this one little boy. I really don't know I'm just confussed right now. I know how hard it was for my oldest son to move away from his friends and he's not autistic. So oviously he comprehends better. I also have a little girl who is almost 3 years old. And she just loves Caleb's friend, his little brother, and his mom. We've became good friend with their family. I know I'm sad thinking about one of my really good friends moving but I'm a grown up who has learned to accept that people move away. I move an awful lot when I was a kid. I never stay at one school for more thne 3 months until I was in 4th grade so I didn't even worry about making friends until I was in 8th grade. Please if anyone can help I'd really appreciate it.

Last edited by edaisy80; 01-13-2005 at 09:04 PM.

 
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Old 01-13-2005, 09:47 PM   #2
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Annee HB User
Re: Sad and I don't know what to do....

I know what you're going through. My 24-year-old has cried only three times in his life, and once was the last time he saw his best friend.
I suggest you try to initiate new friendships for your son. It might be wise to talk to his teacher and see if he/she can arrange for him to pair off with another child to work on a project. Perhaps you or your husband have acquaintances with children that you could invite to your home. In the meantime, I think you should try to explain to your son that his friend is moving away by comparing him to other people who've moved away. Then, explain to him that he and his friend will be able to write letters or email to stay in touch. It's wonderful that you're friendly with the child's family. Perhaps you can exchange photos now and then.
I think if you put the situation simply and repeat it often enough, he'll understand enough to get through. Good luck to you!

 
Old 01-13-2005, 10:00 PM   #3
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edaisy80 HB User
Re: Sad and I don't know what to do....

Thanks Ann for the reply. Caleb and his friend both are HF. The other few kids in his class are not. Its almost like he gets irritated with them. He doesn't want to bother. As far as the kids around here. We've tried getting then to play with Caleb but it comes down to them being mean to him because he can't sit still and he like to make weird noises when he's not on his medication or his medication has worn out. My niece is 2 month younger then Caleb and she used to play with Caleb all the time when we first got here but now she just like to boss him around. I don't know. I want to let Caleb know his friend is moving but I don't know if their moving just to another part of town (we live in Georgia) or to Wisconsin where their from. I guess that's the problem. But thank you for your kind words and advice. I really do appreciate it.

 
Old 01-14-2005, 06:13 AM   #4
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RowansMom HB User
Re: Sad and I don't know what to do....

I would wait to tell him until you know for sure what is going on.
BUT, just to make sure, why don't you go pick up a little web cam, they are really cheap and pretty cool. You can hook it up to your computer, and schedule him a time in to sit down and talk to his friend, ANDyou can get a mic. It would be like being there with him. (the other child have a computer available?)
I agree that you should talk to his teacher. . . .
My oldest son, 10, is friendswith a little guy who suffered a brain tumor as toddler. He has tons of issues that were a result of the surgery to remove it, and has a hard time making friends.. . . My son, who is WONDERFUL, empathetic, and just a GOOD kid, was so good with him. . .for 3 years he was in the same class, sitting next to this boy. I guess my son was able to keep him settled in. . .unfortunately this wasn't the BEST thing for MY son, all the time. The other little boy didn't want him to have other friends. I spoke with the teacher about this, and they were sooo understanding, and had admitted that it was simply easier for them the way things had been. Well, they ended up splitting them up, and the other little boy was able to make other friends, and so was my son. It was a win / win situation.
EVEN, say, if this child was NOT to move. . .perhaps it is good to broaden their friend base a little. It's never healthy, for anyone, to have just one person they can hang out with. . . doesn't really give us that variety in life, huh? New people to learn from, to teach.
I guess that I am rambling, but I think that this is something that can be handled fairly smoothly. . . .
I have YET to deal with it myself with my autistic son, so I can't relate to the true dynamic of it all. . . .. .
BUT, as a mom of children who have moved several times, I do understand the heartache that is involved with MAKING NEW FRIENDS, KEEPING THE OLD, ONE IS SILVER AND THE OTHER GOLD, process! With technology, we can keep touch with anyone we want. No, it's not hte same as sitting down with your best friend, in person. . .but it certainly makes things less yucky.
Maybe, before ANY move is to take place you have them spend some time together making a book or something together. . . putting pictures together, art stuff. . like a little scrap book, something tangible. So that when the time does come, they will always have something of each other. . .
good luck!

 
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