What do I do? - Autism Spectrum Message Board

ALC311 · 05-21-2005, 10:18 AM

I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 years now and he has a son that is Autistic. His son, James, is 14 now and I am crazy about him. He does not talk to anyone, he can talk, but he won't talk to you or answer you. He loves to sing and he is very good. He is very affectionate, loves to be hugged and kissed. He does sometimes hit me if I'm not paying much attention to him for whatever reason, like cooking supper or driving.
My problem is that James is going through puberty. I hope I don't offend anyone by this, but sometimes he tries to be sexual with me. I gently push him away and tell him No James. I don't want to scold him, he doesn't know what he is doing.

should I stop paying attention to him. I always hug him and give him a kiss on the cheek when we go pick him and his sister up, should I not do that? Sometimes in the store if he is feeling really frisky I have to just push him off me and let his Dad take over watching him. His Dad thinks I worry too much about this. He says it is no big deal. I do not want anyone to think that I am in anyway molesting this child. I would kill myself before I would ever do anything like that to any child.
To make things worse the mother of James hates me. She was already remarried when I met my boyfriend, so I am not a homewrecker. She just doesn't like me. I'm good enough to watch her kids (5 kids) but not good enough to invite over or to go shopping with. I can't talk to her about this problem. I am afraid she may say I did something to cause this. She is just starting to be civil to me after all this time. My boyfriend won't mention it to her either. So, do I just stop seeing James? Have others out there been through something like this. I don't know how to handle this problem. Is there something they can give Autistic boys to suppress "those feelings". Or is that cruel, afterall it is basic human instinct. Thank you.

heartcreature · 05-21-2005, 04:49 PM

I think it would be good if his father could sort of coach him to only do those things in his room. Maybe if he could hump the corner of the mattress. If he does that to you at home you could say you must do that in your room alone. I personally would not want to be in your shoes with an ex who doesn't like me and dealing with issues like that with a possible step child. If I were you I would step way back from that one and let the father handle it. Unfortunately it may not seem like a big deal to dad when it's happening at home with a family member who is aware of the problem but he may attempt to do that to a stranger before you can stop him and then you've got problems. I have an autistic child but I didn't have those kinds of issues to deal with but I'm sure it's tough to figure out the best way to handle it.

ALC311 · 05-22-2005, 07:49 AM

Heartcreature,
Thank you for your response. I have had friends laugh when I have told them about this. Lots of people don't think this is a real problem. But James is getting bigger and stronger everyday. He is a sweet boy and I know he would never hurt me or anyone else on purpose, but someday he may be too strong to just push away. I have woke up from a nap because he had came into my room and was laying on top of me. I pushed him off and that was the end of that. But what worries me is that I am a grown woman, I can get him off of me, but he has 3 sisters at home at his Moms house. His Mother probably has control of the situation at home, but I don't know for sure. Like I said before his Dad thinks it is no big deal so he has never even brought the subject up with her. Maybe I am overreacting. But it makes me feel yucky.