I need some advice !!!!!!!! - Autism Spectrum Message Board

jeffreys mom · 05-25-2005, 07:07 PM

My son was dx PDD/Nos in March and it was recommended that he receive 28 hours a week of therapy. He has gone from 2 hours and I have worked him up to at this point 17 hours which is great. The problem is that most of this therapy happens in my home with every day having someone show up with a bag of toys to play with my son. I'm having real difficulty juggling our schedule so that my 4 year old daughter is somehow otherwise engaged.

She just doesn't understand this whole thing and is very hard to include in the therapy sessions as it is her personality to try and take over. She is young and just doesn't get it. I find myself getting frustrated with her and then mad at myself for this. I do my best to give her individual one on one time by doing something special but some days I feel sucked dry and no matter how much I give to her she always tells me it's not enough.

I'm only human and I know I do the best I can but some days I could just tear my hair out trying to please everyone else. I just don't want her to feel pushed aside and resent me or Jeffrey later on. I feel like crying right now.

CindySue74 · 05-25-2005, 07:57 PM

Is it possible for you to take your daughter and do an activity with her while the other adult works with your son sometimes?

Or...is it possible to get her some of her own special time: swimming lessons, dance, etc?

jeffreys mom · 05-26-2005, 05:02 AM

Most times I arrange for her to be busy with something fun for her either with her grandfather or her grandmother. She loves that but is still aware that Jeffrey is getting this special attention. Yesterday and once in a while I'm not able to have someone take her for that time. I try to do an activity with her but she only wants to be involved with what's going on with Jeffrey. Some of his therapy has happened while she has been in preschool as well which is about to end. How do you get a four year old to understand that her brother learns differently than her and needs some extra help ? She always tells me that Jeffrey gets more attention than her. I really do give her extra special time that's just her and I but it isn't the same as having people come to the house to play. She has me and our old toys all the time.

KathleenW · 05-26-2005, 05:16 AM

I agree. Four year olds need a lot of attention. Is she in preschool? I would look for a fun half day summer program. I think it is very important for children to stay busy and have a routine and structure. If children are busy there is no time for problems. This has been the best year of my life and it is because my four year old is busy every second

He goes to school five days a week 8:45-12:15. After school we meet friends for play dates and then at 3:00 every afternoon until 4:00 he either has swimming, soccer, or T-Ball. This summer he will be on the swim team. I also have him signed up for Spanish camp, Chefs camp and a swim camp that are all half day programs.

seesa1 · 05-26-2005, 08:36 AM

Hi,
I had the same exact issue in the beginning. I have a 2 year old that receives home therapy and my 4 year old daughter did not understand why all the attention was focused on her little sister all of the time.

I explained to her O.T. that I really didn't have anywhere for my 4 year old to go during her therapy so he decided to include my 4 year old in the therapy which has worked wonderfully. It has actually helped both of my children to learn how to share (as much as 4 and 2 year old will!) and before the therapy, my 2 year old didn't even know that her sister existed, she ignored her and refused to play with her or even look at her. Believe me it was hard in the beginning because there was a lot of crying and screaming going on but they have learned to work together now.

Some days are still a battle and my 4 year old wants every single toy that the O.T. pulls out of the bag but our O.T. MAKES her choose ONE, if she wants to play with a different one, then he makes her put the one she has away first and then she can move on to another.

Your O.T. shouldn't have a problem letting your other child join in. Your youngest child getting the therapy isn't the only one affected by autism, your whole family is affected and leaving the older one out just makes things worse. My 4 year old is just now starting to ask questions about her little sister and it is the hardest thing in the world trying to explain things to her but doing therapy together has brought them closer than they ever have been and makes it a little easier for my older one to understand.

Just talk to your O.T. and see what he thinks about it, I know the same things don't work for everyone but it has done wonders for us!

Lisa