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Old 08-16-2005, 05:08 AM   #1
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v8euphoria HB User
New here with 3 yr old son...

I have been reading several posts that are really enlightning. And it is so good to know I am truly not alone. Although I would prefer for noone to have to go through this, it is good to know we can support each other. Anyway, my son is 3 and hasn't been diagnosed as of yet. He has an appointment with the Childrens Hospital next month and he is beginning his 2nd year of preschool in a couple of weeks. He was born prematurely at 32 weeks and has had mild to moderate delay since about 3 months of age. We were able to get Early Intervention services early on and they have helped alot in getting him where he needs to be. He saw a speech therapist for about a year and that helped a little but he is still speaking in 2 or 3 word sentences. Most of his words are unrecognizable to other people. He has severe SID especially when you are speaking of noises. He has recently begun to crouch down and cover his ears whenever there is any loud noise. He has also just recently started covering his eyes when in a strange place or around strange people. He has always lined up his toys and had strange fixations with things that spin. He plays with his poop about once daily, he is very frustrated and angry most of the day and he wakes up a few times every night. He hits and shoves people including his 1 yr old baby sister. He has really begun to hit his father and I whenever he is angry or in a new situation. We made the mistake of taking him on vacation last week to the Baltimore Aquarium and the DC Zoo. He was absolutely miserable and violent. He was in a severe meltdown the entire time. It shocked us because he loves animals. But we figured it must have been the noise and the people. He can't sit at a restaraunt for dinner, he can't go anywhere if he is unable to walk continuously. I think walking is his stimming. He is always going like he has somewhere he has to get. He has done this since he began walking. He can not drink from a normal cup, he isn't even interested in potty training and he can't be left alone for more than a minute without supervision. Sometimes he will attempt to interact with other children but mostly plays alone. He is very repetitive in everything he does from watching the same movie over and over to repeating heard words and becoming frustrated if you don't also repeat them. Etc, Etc, Etc!! I know in my heart that he has Autism and I look forward to hearing it next month, just so I will truly know what is wrong with my son, and also so that I can begin the process of helping him. I hate seeing him so miserable all of the time. He doesn't even like his favorite toys anymore. Oh, and the weirdest thing I have noticed, he doesn't laugh at funny things on TV. Anyone else notice this? Anyway, just needed to vent and enlist some advice and stories from others going through this too. Thanks for reading!
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Old 08-16-2005, 06:18 AM   #2
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marissamm HB User
Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

welcome v8, i have a 16 year old son with autism. whom is miserable all the time never happy. you might want to try sunglasses on your son when you go out in public. my son is also violent he has been since 3. he is on meds right now to help with his behavior and to sleep. the folks on this board are very helpful when it comes with experiance and advice. i wish i could post more but my sons school called and now he has having a major meltdown i am an emt but now a stay at home mom so i can take care of my son. that is a different story though. again welcome.

 
Old 08-16-2005, 08:07 AM   #3
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Kolby HB User
Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

Welcome to the board. Wow, many, many things like my 3 1/2 year old. But there is hope. And I too knew in my heart what he had. One day my husband said "I think you want him to have Autism." What a stupid things to say to me, but my heart told me he was and so I went with it. Read until you can't read anymore. Do your homework. It will help with the feeling of no control. I like to educate myself and learn from other parents. It has become my hobbies. My son used to be very upset most of the time. Here are a few things to try.

Brushing him. You will get a brush if you get OT therapy.
Take him to playgrounds as much as possible.
Try and nap him. Like my child falls asleep in the car a lot so I will drive in the car so he sleeps. He seems to be less stressed if he gets enough sleep.
Play a lot. And I mean a lot. Jump with him. Toss him in a blanket. Wrap him in a blanket.
Give him hard things to eat like pretzels. If he likes water, get him in the pool. Put bubbles in the water.

You can not potty train at this point. You first need to calm your son and the rest will follow. My son used to watch movies in fast forward mode. Or the same movie over and over and over. He doesn't like me to sing but will tolerate it in some situations. He still hides his eyes but only when he is tired or there are a lot of people around. It takes time but I am telling you, I had the best OT in the world and she taught me so many things. The tossing him in a blanket is perfect for eye contact too. Sing a song while you do it. We sang rock-a-bye-baby. So he would come up to me and say "Mommy, Rock..." Or if he got out of control, I just stick him in a blanket and wrap him up and hug him or role him. That was called Hot Dog.

I may be off my rocker, but I have so much hope for my son. I can't imagine that he will be like this forever as I have seen the changes. Please do everything you can because sometimes it takes so long for therapy to start.

I could go on an on so I'll leave it at this. Play is the best way to get to your son. This is all in my opinion.
Michelle
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:40 AM   #4
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Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

Thanks so much for all of your stories, help and support. I will definately try some of these ideas. Some we have tried or are already doing. I hate seeing him so angry all of the time. And since I have a 1 yr old at home too, it is so difficult to spend the one on one time he needs. But I will keep going and researching everything. I truly believe that school will help because it made such a difference last year. Not to mention the break I get.
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:55 AM   #5
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Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

You may want to include the website www.generationrescue.org in your reading list. You may want to include the book "Evidence of Harm" too. I know many parents on the board don't agree with me, but you may apprecate the two later.

aridus

 
Old 08-17-2005, 06:14 AM   #6
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Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

Hello, I would like to throw my two cents in. Your so right about "Generation Rescue" and"Evidence of Harm". They have been very helpful and informative for our entire family. What gives us the hope we have is the "stories" click that and see how well some of the children have done.

 
Old 08-17-2005, 10:36 AM   #7
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AggieMom HB User
Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

Reading all these of course reminds me of my son also- he's now 7yrs old. The only thing is he has never really shown any kind of "angry" behavior. Don't get me wrong, he can be very destructive- but it's more for sensory stimmulation than anger it seems so I can't really advise on that. I believe one of the common things you might hear or read (at least I did) was that they need consistancy and sameness to avoid meltdowns. I think that is good to know, but not always good to follow. The advice to take your child to the playground, for instance, is good because it gets him OUT of his comfort zone. He may not like it, but if you always avoid what he doesn't like he will never be able to adapt. My son used to melt down when I turned on the car windsheild wipers in the rain. Of course I couldn't turn them off, so eventually he just got used to it. On the other hand, I know that if we take him somewhere he's not comfortable that we may have problems and I try to prepare for that by taking a toy or book he can focus on. I know some parents who actually have to take the EXACT same route from home to school, school to home, school to doctor, etc...If they make a turn that is different their son would have a meltdown. He was non verbal and one day his mom brought him to therapy and couldn't figure out why he was melting down. She called his dad and he told her it was because she parked on the wrong side of the building and came in the wrong door! Life is not repetitive and predictable. If these kids never are exposed to things they aren't comfortable with who will they ever survive in life? It's just something to keep in mind because it can sometimes be easier to avoid the meltdowns than to deal with them and help them get past it. I can go either way depending on what problem I want to deal with. Welcome, and Good Luck.

 
Old 08-17-2005, 12:13 PM   #8
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Re: New here with 3 yr old son...

When you go to a store, bring a video game or something he likes. Mine used to scream out for a balloon everytime. That was his thing he could focus on while we were in the store. Now I tell him that I will get him a special treat at the end of our shopping trip. Sometimes he wants it right away but most of the time he just looks forward to getting it and is somewhat patient. The playground idea isn't for social reasons. It is to get his body moving and to help him get rid of some energy. He may need to play in a sand box or slid down a slide. Swing or go up and down on something. Playgrounds are gret for a good sensory day. But in a way it can help a little with social issues. It's not like there is a toy a kid can pick up and take. In fact my child likes to do what the other kids do. I think that is a good sign that he is paying attention to others. He still has the space to get away from people if he needs to. Good diets are good too. Wish mine would eat better. Good luck.
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