Too Harsh..........or not? - Autism Spectrum Message Board

D & K's Mom · 08-19-2005, 09:44 AM

HI My son has me feeling really guilty this morning. As he is going on a new med, (Focalin). Which, frankly, doesn't seem to be doing much for him at this point. He is absolutely out of control! Now, my question is, knowing that he is having a hard time right now, do the house rules change for him? I have been a bit more understanding, but certian things, i just can't tolerate. Yesterday, I told Devin about 10 times to stop throwing in the house. He just kept doing it. I placed him in several time outs, and as soon as he was out, he was pitching things around my living room again. Knocking over plants, throwing pillows, hitting Kyle with the remote that he sent hurling across the room. ( I think you get the idea) I finally placed him in a corner, away from everything, and insisted that he write "I will not throw in the house" ten times. ( not an unususal punishment aroiund here) He did it with no problems. Until the next time, when I made him write it 15 times. Then on the third occasion, when I made him do it twenty times. The last time, he sat there throwing a fit, then finally after about an hour and a half, he decided to start on it. by the time he was done it was bedtime. You can imagine how that went over. Well, this morning, he is doing it again. He threw Kyle's stuffed cat in his face. I gave him a warning. "Because Kyle was screaming that you give him the toy NOW, I will let this one go, but next time, you will be in the corner writing sentences." Not 5 minutes later, he again knocked over my plant by throwing a pillow at it. Plant dirt all over!!!!!! So, as promised, I put him in the corner to write his sentences. He has been there over an hour and hasn't even started, but this time, he's not crying or throwing a fit, he's making a joke of the whole thing. He's doodeling on the paper, he's slamming the desk into the wall, he's calling the dog and cats to come and see him, he's broken the pencil three times already, and broke the tip off one ink pen getting ink all over himself. Currently he has locked himself into the bathroom claiming that he really has to go. But he's been in there for over twenty minutes. So, am I being unrealistic thinking that he can do this right now? I mean he did way more writing yesterday..........or.........is he doing this to drive me nuts? I am a firm believer that he does need a bit more understanding right now, but at the same time, I can't let him do whatever he wants, just because of his med change. I guess I just want a little bit of advice, am I doing it wrong? I just had to get up and escort him back to his corner, because he sneaked out of the bathroom and decided to go watch TV. He's laughing about it. He just told me that he will write the sentences, but he is "omitting the word not" so that the sentences say "I will throw in the house". So now what? I told him that he can write all the sentences he wants that way but he will not be leaveing the desk until I get 10 that are written correctly. This is a big joke to him. So, what do I do? I can't keep letting him trash my home. I even went as far as to tell him if he needs to throw to do it outside or in the basement. At which point he threw the remote in the pool. HELP!!!!! I am going crazy with this kid!!!!!!! I don't believe in spanking, and every one that I know tells me that if I just spanked him once, he wouldn't continue in this way. I don't see that as an option. I give him time outs, and I take away privelidges, make him write sentences. But it's not working. I just don't know what to do!!

D & K's Mom · 08-19-2005, 10:15 AM

Okay, so, now he just gave me a paper that has "I am sorry that I am not your favorite child" written ten times on it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I told him that I do not have a favorite child, that I love both he and his brother equally. But, he still needs to write the approiate sentences before he can come out. I am so upset, I feel like a total ***. Is he just playing me? Or does he really think that I love his brother more? HELP!!!!

jeffreys mom · 08-19-2005, 10:30 AM

It sounds to me like he's feeding for negative attention. It will continue if you continue to give attention to the undesired behavior. I'm not living it so it's easy for me to say, but ignore it. Take the item he is misusing away from him without saying a word. Have nothing to say until he does something positive then reinforce the good behavior with something positive to say. It takes time, but once the child realizes they are not getting reinforced for the negative behavior it lessens and lessens until it finally stops. Give it time and prepare your self to have to ignore alot of screaming but it's a strategy that does work. If after he screams when you've taken the item away, when he stops screaming say " good job for having a quiet voice" Now if you would like to play with your ball lets go outside then give him the ball once he is outside.

I'm no expert but this type of strategy works with all kids. I hope it helps.

AggieMom · 08-19-2005, 01:33 PM

I didn't see what age your son is, but in this case I don't think spanking is the answer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally against spanking, but you know how they say that kids learn to hit from being spanked- well with my 7yr old we are having to really rethink any kind of physical punishment because he's never shown any aggressive tendencies in the past, but struck out at my husband when he tried to "swat" him on the behind. Before that he started "spanking" himself and laughing when he was in trouble. So I don't think that's going to work for him. Don't let anyone tell you that you should spank your child. That is your decision.

Sheronor · 08-19-2005, 07:58 PM

My daughter had a problem with screaming, so I would turn my back on her and as soon as there was a one second gap in the screaming, I would turn around and say "good calm" or something like that. If she started screaming again, I'd put my back to her again. It worked really well.

It will be hard, but I suggest that as soon as he gets up, start complimenting him on his behavior - thanks for getting out of bed, you're eating breakfast like a big boy, etc. If he does something negative, completely ignore it. The behavior may get worse for a little while, but as soon as he figures out that he won't get attention for throwing, he'll stop.

And put away anything you don't want broken before you start doing this.