friend or foe...it's all the same to my son! - Autism Spectrum Message Board

MOM23ANGELS · 01-01-2006, 03:58 PM

anyone have any ideas on explaining the difference between friends and not so nice people. my husband took my kids to the park the other day and my older (typical) son told me there was a "bully" pushing my ASD son down the slide really aggresively and acting mean to him. when i asked my ASD son if anyone was bothering him he said no. "my friend was pushing me down the slide." he always refers to everyone as a friend. now, i know, he can tell the difference between emotions because he tells me when his brother is "being mean" or "mad". so why can't he understand that (unfortunately) everyone is not your friend.

when i try to explain to him that sometimes people arn't nice, he gets upset. he thinks i'm scolding him for doing something wrong. i don't want him to think people are being mean to him because of something he has done.

kirstee · 01-01-2006, 09:24 PM

Isn't this a hard one!! Kids with any sort of development disorder will struggle with naitivete. My Asperger's son is 32 years old, and I did a lot of praying for him while he was growing up. There was no other way of coping with the taunts of bullies as I couldn't be with him 24/7. I could tell you awful stories that enraged my heart. Somehow he grew up anyway, and the bullying and teasing is a thing of the past since he has found his pathway in life with people who really understand him. The journey of your ASD child is going to be different to be certain, but somehow he will make it. I have the greatest admiration for any parent going through this valley. Just the fact that you posted on this board shows your love and compassion, so I know you are watchful over what concerns his life. That special love you have for him will see him through.

Blessings,
Kirstee

MOM23ANGELS · 01-02-2006, 07:17 PM

kirstee,
thank you for your post. i have always said (once i became a parent) that i would love to just put my kids in my pocket and carry them around with me forever. when i think about how cruel and confusing this world could be to typical people, i want to cry (and do) when i think about how difficult it is for our challenged kids. all i can do is give my son all the advice i think he can handle and hope for the best. this board has been a great resource and comforting place for me to come to when i'm feeling sad. people who arn't in the same situation havn't got a clue what our lives are like. take care.

geezermom · 01-02-2006, 09:36 PM

How does your son do with "social stories"? Don't know if he's too old to be interested in them, but I build these for my 5yr old about his day at school, his emotions & those of storybook characters, etc.

If you can wrangle aruond on powerpoint, you can whip up a custom story, maybe featuring two brothers who go to the park, go to the pool, and a birthday party together over a long weekend. In 2 instances, there's an interaction with another child who is kind. The older brother comments on the "friendly" behavior. The 3rd situation should be with a taunter.

The older wiser brother advises little bro about "smart alecs" or some other term you want to call the brute. At school the next day, little bro tells his buddy who just got bullied...its just like my brother said, ya just gotta ask people sometimes "are you being a good guy or are you being a smart alec?" When it comes to friendship, my big brother knows everything because he is, of course, my best friend of all.

Ta da. You can do this with basic graphics in a couple hours or so. Hope he responds to this kind of thing - its the only thing I know except for those published social story books. Good luck!

MOM23ANGELS · 01-03-2006, 07:02 AM

social stories sound like a great idea. my son loves book. i have heard about them but never looked into what they were all about.