When is it too much? (long, sorry :() - Autism Spectrum Message Board

2cutekids · 01-05-2006, 02:21 PM

I'm not sure if this is where I should post this or not. My son is 5 1/2, almost 6 and dx with HFA/AS, since he was 4. He is currently on the gf/cf diet and it is doing wonderful things for him. He is in mainstream kindergarten and just before Thanksgiving got his IEP which included 1 hour of speech and 1 hour of social skills a week. He also has it written if he starts to melt down, what they don for him and if it is bad enough, he can leave the room to chill.

He also attends Wesley Insisitute 2 mornings a week for 3 hours a time. That makes a total of 6 hours there for Social Skills and then the other hour at K. He goes to private ST on Mondays for 1/2 hour, totaling for the week 1 1/2 hours of ST.

OK, my son is very high functioning, to the point at times he doesn't appear to have anything wrong with him, and other times it is obvious. He can hold a conversation, just not to the extent that the "professionals" are happy. He can interact, play and use his imagination, again, not to the extent that the "professionals" feel is currect. They want him to substain imagination play for 15 minutes, but he doesn't and his attention span is kinda shout, I'm wondering if there is some underlying ADD going on.

When is it enough therapy to say... hey wait a minute.. that is just my son and NOT the AS. That is how HE is. My dh isn't dx with AS, but he has alot of the tendencies and he did ok. He has 2.5 beautiful children, a wife that loves him. He works hard, so what if he doesn't care to be around alot of ppl and likes a lot of "me" time. I'm becoming the same way and I'm not Autistic. I don't feel it is nessasary a "bad" thing.

I don't want to go through my life and my son's life trying to "fix" him. He is who and what he is, when is it ok to say... ENOUGH! lets see what he becomes!

Tues and Thurs are really had with all the running with Wesley and K. Over the Christmas break, he did GREAT!!! He got along great with his sister, shared, played, didn't flip when we painted and changed his room. He is ok with the baby going in there with him. He is a happy boy, then we start piling school and therapy back on, and he gets more snippy.

How much of doing the SAME therapy day after day, week after week, month after month works? It seems stagnant. He has pertty much a photographic memory and he knows, he remembers.

He has transition problms at kingergarten, perhaps if we cut back some of the other stuff, would this clear up??? Maybe it is just too much.

Also would ppl notice or nit pick the problems if he wasn't dx with AS? Would they just think he is a little "weird" or "off" and leave it at that? I feel like every thing he does, every move he makes is recorded for all time and he is constantly under the microscope.

Picali · 01-05-2006, 03:01 PM

I can really identify with what you wrote - I think some of my son's tendancies are part of his personality and have refused to try and change them (for example, his school teacher wanted me to try and make him more compliant - he is very stubborn and once he says no, that's it). Both myself and his Dad are like that, so it's pretty normal for him to be that way. I also like that about him, I like that kind of dogged determination and the fact that he can't be made to do stuff easily. He's happy with his own company and gets kind of overwhelmed with lots of people (I'm the same). So I completely understand what you're saying.

It's a difficult situation - I think I'd be inclined to keep a diary of his behaviour (you mention he's been different since being back at school) and explain that you're concerned that he's overdoing it and you'd like to try reducing some of his sessions on a trial basis to see if it makes a difference. That way you keep the door open if you do want more help in the future (I guess the problem is if you cancel services it might be hard to get them again if you need them?). But I think at the end of the day, you're his mum, you know him better than any therapist, doctor or teacher ever will and I think that if you feel he's doing too much, then it needs to be toned down a bit.

Isn't it ironic that some people get too much help and some not enough?!

bercol1 · 01-06-2006, 07:04 AM

I totally agree with the above posting if you have a gut feeling about somthing go with it. Again, as above, I wouldn't close the door on the help all together, but ask to see how your son manages without the intervention for a period of time as you feel it's a bit too much. Then ask for it to be phased back in, if and when required picking out the interventions you feel are benificial and discard the therapies that are of no use. I have found in my experience that methods of intervention that work don't always come from the people you expect. Anthony (my son ) has a speech therapist at present who isn't worth a hoot. He has a class room assisstant who has no qualifications who instictively knows how to work wonders with him.
I hope it all works out
Good luck
Bernadette

anthonysmom · 01-06-2006, 11:22 AM

God Bless You. Wow, I can relate. My son sounds alot like your child (mine is 9, but at almost six what a similarity). You are so right, when is enough, enough. Each time I have a meeting with my sons teacher, I always get the same thing, they say, "if you do decide to medicate him, let us know" Medication has never been a consideration. There are so many times, that like your child, my son appears just like his siblings. But then as you said, there are times when there is clearly something different. Be strong, you know what is best for your child. Take care, have a great day.