geezermom

The lack of direct eye contact is one of the recognized symptoms of autism. I've read about kids who would look at you, but turn their head to one side so they were looking at you through their peripheral (side) vision. I've read in a couple places the explanations given by autistic adults or older kids who've explained that eye contact can be too intense for them. It seems invasive to them.

Maybe you can explain this is some way to your daughter so she won't get her feelings hurt. Its not that he doesn't love her, its just a quirk of his condition. Perhaps examine how they interact, especially if its just her who he won't look at. If she talks a lot to him to help draw him out, or if she takes him by the hand to go play, etc he may need to avoid that intensity for a short while.

On the positive side, he may be going through a developmental stage where one part of him is getting better, but it means he's gotta shut down something else in the meantime. Like, if you're trying to get your cranky car engine started, you might turn of the A/C or radio for a bit. EVERY child on the planet does this, but usually its noticeable in infancy. They can only focus on one developmental task at once. For example, they may stop taking an avid interest in toys while they are concentrating on learning how to walk. Once the developmental "touchpoint" is achieved, they go back to loving toys again.

I hope this may help your daughter see that it is not her, its just the fun and excitement he feels playing with her that needs to calm down for a bit. If she is willing to just do some quiet parallel play, then she can still show him she loves him.

You're a good mom to both your kids to ask about this!