My son Tyler has high functioning autism. He's in a public preschool and he gets Special ed, and speech therapy. I had wanted to homeschool him so badly, but now I know he needs the help from the professionals. He's been in preschool for a total of 5 months now and until recently, he's been a really good boy, as described to me by his teachers. Lately, however, he's been belting out loud screams when he doesn't get his way, echoing some of the things I say at home, like "Oh Lord, help me!" and "I can't take this anymore!" (which is pretty darn embarrassing, as it's obvious he's mimicing me.) and on Friday he bit his own hand - not enough to pierce the skin, but I really think it's for attention because he will look around while he's doing it to see who is watching him. His teachers say that he's great until lunchtime and after, when kids are playing with toys and he wants what they are playing with. He will scream and really act out. (He hasn't learned to share yet at all.)
Now, there HAVE been two situations at home that have changed for him and I think this MAY have triggered his behavior: We had a baby daughter last Feburary who has Down Syndrome and needs lots of medical care, so she gets a lot of attention and I KNOW he feels jealous over this. Also, my husband (his daddy) is in the hurricane Katrina region surverying damage for the government and will be gone until at least July. Tyler can't spend the night at his little cousins now without "crying about mama" in the middle of the night or if my nephew is watching him at my home while I'm running errands.
He's been screaming a lot more lately at home too. He screams while he plays and seems a little more active than what should be considered normal. I've started to wonder if he isn't hyperactive. His screams are ear-piercing and no matter how many times I TRY to tell him not to do it, yell at him for it, or put him in time out, it doesn't seem to have any impact at all. I tried ignoring it, but it gets worse and then he REALLY starts acting out, like running through the vertical blinds (which he knows I get angry over) or yesterday, when he grabbed a crayon and deliberately scribbled on the wall next to me, and during all these bad behaviors he looks at me to see how I will respond. I quickly realized that ignoring it was making it worse.
My theory is that he just CRAVES any attention he can get. Positive or negative. It's not like I'm ignoring him at home. I play with him a lot through the day. I draw pictures for him and he colors them. We play with plastic food, we play house, I read to him and tell him stories with him as the main character (which he LOVES) we wrestle and tickle, all sorts of things.
Sometimes his screaming and acting out really upset me and I cry out of frustration. I'm a very verbal person too, so I blow off steam verbally and he will follow me ranting like I do. At first it was funny, but then when I realized he was ranting in school, I felt bad. Sometimes he curses, but I don't ever curse in front of him or ever verbally assault him. I just make exasperated statements sometimes, as it's how I've always dealt with stress. I'm now trying to change my behavior, but I simply can't bottle it up. I need to relieve this steam somehow. I guess what he's doing is echolalia.
I guess I just feel at my wits end. Both my children have special needs and with my husband gone, I feel isolated, lonely and sad. I'm doing everything I can to lavish my son with attention, but I know that the recent changes in his life make him need so much more. He talks to his daddy often and sees him on ****** all the time, and I know that's not a good substitute, but my hubby and I really need for him to do this job so we can get out from under a mountain of crushing debt.
I guess, this thread is more of a rant than anything. If you have some comments though, I would be happy to recieve them.
I hope I don't sound patronising but I really don't know how you do it. Sounding off is perfectly natuaral and obviously is keeping you sane.
Don't beat yourself up about your sons behavior it's not your fault. My son Anthony went to nursery with a wee boy who screemed all day long lots of things triggered the screaming. To top it all, the other boys either cried or joined in so you can imagine the noise levels in that room. Anthony used to sneak out the room and sit in the library when it started.
Lots of autistic children pick up on behaviors for lots of different reasons. The school should start a trigger chart and maybe if you have time start one at home and look at what triggers the screams and then start to look at what you/nursery can put in place to prevent this. if it's sharing then they have to look at helping your son learn to tolerate this.
I always say calm things down take the pressure off him, work with him in a quite relaxed setting, lights dim, soft music and a few toys allow him to play and then a little at a time interupt his play. start sharing by teaching him first to turn take. Use toys that he gets a turn then you quickly have a turn then even let him have three turns before you get in with another turn until he is doing a turn about. Expand this a little at a time sometimes you have to pretend you are 4yr old again and demand a shot of the toy.
Social stories are also good telling him that we have to share i use a lot of photos in my social stories. Get the digital camera out and get the nursery to take pictures of the toy time and then explain in as simple a way possible.
It is all a lot of work however if you are on your own. Maybe get the nursery to make up the books and tell him the story.
I hope things work out well for you it can't be easy espacially if your other child has down syndrome. My cousin son has down syndrome and is delightful but it is all the medical worries that cause the most worry. I am thinking of you and keep posting it will good to hear how you get on.
Thinking of you
Bernadette
Hi Kim,
I don't have a lot of advice for you. My son is just turning 3 in March and he is non verbal. He just started the really really tantruming and screaming. We don't know what sets him off and I know what you mean about the patience level. My son is the third of four children 6 years through 1 years. He doesn't get as much one on one time as he should.
Adding a second child in the mix is a difficult adjustment for the entire family. I think you are doing the right things with giving him one on one time, but if it is possible to have time with all three of you. Perhaps use your daughter to teach him to share. Obviously since she is still young it would be simple things like a blanket or teddy bear. This way all of you could spend time together and you are teaching your son to share.
All the best to you and your family. I think it is good to get those things out. If it were possible to get in some family to help out and give you a break once in a while. That would be good for all of you. It restores your energy and sanity.
perhaps you can try a sticker chart... have him work for treats or special time with you, an exteded bed time. Let him know that if he acts out, he will not get a sticker or even if it is really bad, take one away. But make sure you expalin that he can win them back by being good and not screaming. I would guess alot of this has to do with daddy being gone and that has to be VERY hard.
My has is dx HFA/AS, and they can learn this. It is hard to teach cause and effect behavor, but once he knows that his actions in school and at him have concequence, he will learn not to do them.
You can also try diet intervention. Gluten free/dairy free. IF you went the biomedcial route, the screaming has a lot to do with yeast overgrowth and I have also read that he can help children with Down's also.
Hi- behaviors always occur for reasons, and like you said, you're pretty positive he's doing it for attention. Kids maintain behaviors for many reasons... whether it be tangible (tantrum when they don't get their way), attention (act out to receive your attention), or escape (act out to escape demand or situation).
I know its really tough to keep your cool when your child is biting and screaming and doing everything in his power to grab your attention, but I can't urge you ENOUGH to try to keep your calm, as your escalated behaviors only intensify and reinforce his. Its one of the hardest things I've tried to teach the parents I work with, but it can be done.
If Tyler's definitely doing it for attention, then you need to ignore it. (And you can still ignore it if he's drawing on the wall... walk over to him, grab the crayon, don't make eye contact, and walk away. If needbe, pick him up or take him by the hand and move him into a safe place where he can't destroy anything) His behaviors WILL increase at first... it's called an extinction effect. For example, if a child learns that screaming will earn him attention, then he'll use that to get attention. However, say the child starts screaming, assuming he'll get attention but then he doesn't get it because you're ignoring him. So he'll scream louder or start acting out in other ways (aggression, destruction) in order to get the attention. Eventually, he'll learn that screaming and other disruptive behaviors will not get him the attention he craves.
It is important though to consistently reinforce Tyler for good behavior. You can reinforce him for having a quiet voice or having a calm body or anything you want. Parents sometimes neglect to award children for good behavior, but tend to punish for bad behavior instead. It's important that Tyler receives plenty of attention from you for the good behavior, and no attention for the bad behavior. Special needs or not, he'll catch on to this. These kids are smarter than they get credit for!
I also think a social story is a good idea.... especially if its about the proper ways to ask for attention.
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