can anyone out there who has aspergers beyond the age of lets say 15 tell me if they've had a relationship before. I was walking yesterday and saw some teenagers huggin and kissing and got sad because I wasn't sure if my son will ever experience that kind of love. Butterflies in the stomach, the magic of that first kiss, sex etc.
This subject has also laid heavely on my heart, so if anyone can answer this, please do. My son was diagnosed with austism (though his dr and teachers now think he's HFA or Aspergers) at the tender age of 2 and a half and the very first thing out of my mouth to the doctor was, (through tears) "Will he ever get married?" For some reason, that was my first thought. I want him to find that special someone, get married and have his own family. I want him to have the opportunity to feel for his children what I feel for him. That undying, unwavering, unconditional love that makes life so beautiful. Thank you so much Liamsmom for asking this question, it has been on my mind for 2 years now.
You know that among neurotypicals not all get married, and even among those who do, the experience of
That undying, unwavering, unconditional love that makes life so beautiful.
is not universal.
Looking at my son who is 15 yo & PDD-NOS, very high functioning -- most teachers think he has very mild Asperger's if anything at all -- I would say that these experiences will likely be a while down the road. I have every confidence that he will get there, but his social skills & social anxiety are making the journey a little longer than for the average teenager. Right now he is concentrating doing well academically & "fitting in," and making progress. What more could you ask. Sure, there are kids at his school who are "more advanced" socially, but there are also A LOT of neurotypical guys who at 15 yo are basically nerds, who just blush & get tongue-tied when a girl walks past.
I'm esctatic that DS is now at the stage of being extra-careful with his personal hygiene & grooming, that it really matters. Took a little while for him to get there! But this is one of the milestones along the way.
I'm not too sad about that. I look at all the hypersexuality in our culture & think, the more impulse control my son will bring to a relationship, the more maturity & understanding, the better. Right now he is concentrating doing well academically & "fitting in," and making progress. What more could you ask.
Many of our kids bring a very refreshing honesty to social situations. They don't play the games & the concept of wearing a mask is something fairly foreign to them. The truth is always near the surface. In some ways, they are pre-wired for the sort of long-lasting intimate relationships we all hope for, for them. In many ways, it's the neurotypicals who have to get the garbage out of the way ...
"I want him to have the opportunity to feel for his CHILDREN what I feel for him. That undying, unwavering, unconditional love that makes life so beautiful."
This is the entire quote. That love I am speaking of is the love shared from parent to child. I would hope that is universal. There is no other love that comes close to that, trust me I KNOW, this is my second marriage. This is what I am referring to, I want him to experience the joy of being a parent and I would hope that would come after marraige. This may be a fairytale that may never be, but I am not ready to give up hope at this time. He is such a beautiful soul, I just pray that a good girl comes along one day and sees that too. Take care!!
my son is 17 hfa he has not yet experienced a realatioship yet, i know he likes girls he cuts out pictures of them i guess he is on a 12 year mentality level, he will have one i am sure when he is older but right now he is no where ready for one,
I cannot answer from experience, but I do have a friend who has a son with Aspergers. He just got married (in his early twenties). Because of his Aspergers, his wife and him decided not to have a biological child (fear of genetics), but they are interested in having a family, so they are looking into adoption.
You are describing me perfectly. I am not the kind of person who can play "let's pretend" games with people. I would like to think I have something to give to a relationship, but I'm not sure it can happen for me.