Turners bday party!! - Autism Spectrum Message Board

lizz554 · 09-06-2006, 10:51 PM

Turner turned 5 today!!We practiced for a while answering the question" how old are you?" but he pretty much just repeated it back at us. Finally he let us know he was frustrated by responding "I not 5" Anyway, we had his party at a local pizza place that has games and he was so into the video games that he wouldnt open a single present. At home once the fuss was over he was more than happy to open them all. I was wondering if maybe next year we should just have a small, immediate family only party at home or at a hotel like we did last year. Seems like when we try to have a shindig its more for our benefit than his. Also, I needed to vent about that fact that his biological Dad invited the whole exteded family on his side. His biological Grandma has seen him all of 2 times all summer long and once was for the family reunion. And she brought cupcakes to his class so she looks like Super Grandma. Just burns my buns that they spend absolutely no time with this amazing boy but when there is an event they want to be a part of it and pretend that they're one big happy family. None of them EVER have asked how ANY of his Dr appointments have gone or expressed any interest in attending any of his therapy sessions. But have a party or a field trip for school and all of a sudden he's the world to them. Sorry about that, I went off on a rant. I just love my little guy so much and he doesn't notice the slights. He just knows he loves it when they come to spend time with him. I just get mad on his behalf. Anyway, am I being a bad Mommy by not wanting to have a big party for him next year?

jakey · 09-06-2006, 11:25 PM

Hey Liz, I hope your son had a great birthday. I don't think that there is anything wrong with having a small party if that is most comfortable for your son. If he is more at ease then you will be too. We have always just had a small group of family at home for my son's birthday parties. Last year I took cupcakes to school and they let him have a little party at the end of the school day. I liked that because he was able to have his classmates be a part of it too. I think you are being a good mom by doing what you think is best for your son. As for the showy extended family, don't you just hate that! I have certain family members like that. It makes me mad too! The only comfort I get from that is knowing that my son knows who is and isn't active in his life. Even if he doesn't completely get it all now, he will. I'm sure your son knows too!

sross24 · 09-07-2006, 05:31 AM

Happy birthday Turner!

I understand the extended family thing. It's probably not that they don't care, but that people don't often know how to approach the subject. I find that often times people ignore that the kids have autism. In a way, it's great, we all want our children to be treated like every other kid, but sometimes it would be nice if others took a more active role in the care of our kids. I even asked my cousin to come watch one of his therapy sessions. She never really asked how he was doing, but I told her it would be important to me if she would come watch one, and she did. Sometimes you may find if you ask others to take a more active role, they will.

There is nothing I hate more than people who want to show off my kids. They have no interest in their day to day lives, yet on special events, they cannot wait to show the off. They act like they are so proud of them, yet never make any effort on any other day.

-Steph

9CatMom · 09-07-2006, 07:42 AM

Happy Birthday to Turner!

A small party would probably be less stressful and more meaningful. Hoping things go better for Turner and your family.

lizz554 · 09-07-2006, 07:47 PM

I'm 99% convinced that next year we'll just go with an intimate party. I think it's time I let go of doing everything exactly the same for him as for my NT kids. I need to just let Turner have a party that HE can enjoy and not the party that I want him to be able to enjoy. The showy relatives really do tick me off but I'll just continue to grin and bear it b/c my feelings aren't important. Turner loves them and that's what counts. I just wish they would realize what they are missing out on. It's not that I haven't asked them to actively take part in his life, it's that if it isn't for show or a party atmosphere they just aren't intested. It's as if they need an audience to acknowledge that they are " good family".. Look how great we are to our autistic grandchild/ nephew/etc.

their loss though.Thanks for all the b-day wished by the way. I can't believe my baby is 5 Where does the time go?