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Old 10-02-2006, 09:38 PM   #1
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here4Jace HB User
need to vent

So, as you know, we have been having lots of problems at school. We recently had a behavior intervention put into place and in this the idea was to keep him in school, rather than, he has bad behavior and gets to go home with mommy. Last week I got a call from the vice prin. She told me that I needed to come and pick him up, due to his bad behavior. I didn't like her tone. I felt like she was talking about an animal rather thatn my child. She stated "we have him contained" and you need to come and get "him." This was at 8:15 in the morning. I am a single working mom, with 2 kids to support. Don't get me wrong, I do everything I can for my son, but I won't be of much use to my family, with no job. The school is suppose to place him in a room until he calms down. It's 8:15, he's been there for a total of 30 minutes. I know that if I always take him w/me, this bad behavior will continue, so that he can come home with me. The school knows this. I'm wondering what the purpose of our intervention plan was, if they're not gonna stick to it. I told them, the principal and vice, that i wasn't gonna take him home. That was very difficult for me to do, made me feel like crap. I told them that he is my main concern, but not my only. I have to work in order to feed and clothe my children. They didn't like this...I am so frustrated with his school and I wish we could figure out why he is acting out so badly. I just wanted to vent. Thanks

 
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Old 10-03-2006, 12:32 AM   #2
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jeffreys mom HB User
Re: need to vent

You sound like you could use a hug right now. ( hug )

I understand what you are saying. They need to do their job and help assist him through these tough situations. They are supposed to be the professionals and should be assisting in helping him overcome the behaviors that are interferring with his getting a free and appropriate education.

Sending him home does not do anything but allow him to use behaviors as an escape mechanism from doing things he doesn't want to do. It's their place to help him and I wouldn't feel bad about insisting that they do their jobs.

I think you should stand your ground with them and insist that they do their part to help your son with the behaviors that are getting him into trouble. Sending him home sends the wrong message.

Be firm and good luck

 
Old 10-03-2006, 04:33 AM   #3
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soozeq HB User
Re: need to vent

I agree with Jeff's Mom. Be firm, be strong. Don't let them get to you. You know that you're doing what is best for your family, as a whole. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do. They are professionals, and they are paid to be the ones to deal with him. Stick to it, girl. I don't envy you, and I hope that we arn't in the same boat in a couple of years.

Suzy

hug hug hug

Last edited by soozeq; 10-03-2006 at 04:34 AM.

 
Old 10-03-2006, 06:55 AM   #4
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9CatMom HB User
Re: need to vent

(((Here4Jace)))

 
Old 10-03-2006, 12:57 PM   #5
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BetsyAnn HB User
Re: need to vent

I am so sorry you are have not receiving better support from the school.

I completely agree with the other posts (hi jefferys mom), stand your ground.

It sound like they need to bring in some specialists from the district to provide some training for the school and to get things undercontrol. I would not hesitate to ask for this. I would also insist on meeting with the district special ed. director and ask that they attend the next meeting you have with the school. They may need to bring in additional staff in order handle your son. If it is necessary they will just have to do it. It is not appropriate for them to be sending him home.

I attended a teacher inservice training about autism at our district yesterday. One of the points that was very strongly emphasized was that things will generally get much worse before they get better when you are working on behavior modification. They should have been prepared for that and expected that. Of course he is going to have bigger and "better" tantrums each day in an attempt to go home. They need to wait him out. It may take several weeks for the intervention to work if it is done correctly. If they keep sending him home it will never work.

Be strong. My thoughts are with you.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 08:03 AM   #6
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rbecca HB User
Re: need to vent

Hi here4jace-
I think everyone above is absolutly on the mark- you were right to stand your ground and tell the school that you weren't going to take him home- good for you!!!!!!!!! One suggestion that BetsyAnn made about contacting the school districts sp. ed. director sounds like a necessary move at this point,and a very good one at that.
I went through the same thing with my son,I'm also a single mom of 2 and me having to leave work 3 or 4 times a week to go scoop him up from the school just really wasn't impressing my boss- needless to say I had to quit.The decrease in income was devistating,just child support and SSI....we had to move out of our house and into a 1bdrm appartment.I hesitate to mention that wonderfull 3 1/2 yrs,because I don't want to seem negative or scare anyone.
Here is my little short story with the school issues: My sons school did the same thing,but then it got worse.....first no field trips(even with a one to one paraprofessional that was always assigned to him,even just in the classroom),then no playground or gym class and finally total classroom confinement. I thought it couldn't get any worse than that, I was wrong-the school district deemed him unfit for public school and he was placed on a waiting list for a "special school to suit his needs".He was on that waiting list for almost a year- because it is the law,the district sent a home tutor 2x per wk during that time,but he needed structure and some sort of routine,certainly more than what he was getting.When his name finally came to the top of the waiting list I thought ok, now we can start to get back to normal.I was so wrong- I won't give you the horror story of the special school,just one thing for perspective- poor Christopher made it his objective of the day to see who he could tick off the fastest and get put into the padded quiet room- it's sound proof,comfortable, and dark <smart huh?> .He was overstimulated by the excess chaos going on in the calss and that was his place to escape it.The public school district wouldn't take him back,but I sure wanted him out of there.
To make my long winded story shorter,what finally ended the battle was me calling the local ARC office and speaking with an advocate- she was wonderfull,she explained a few little tid bits that I was not aware of (as far of his legal rights) and then she set up a meeting with the district and the special school that she attended with me.Not that I hadn't had more meetings with them than I could count by myself.Now he attends regular school again and the ARC advocate attended every IEP and behavioral intervention meeting we had.Now he is doing great,no behavioral issues at all.

It is pathetic, but true that many schools will not listen to the parents alone, you need someone else with a title of some sort to interveen(sp?).

Good luck and hang in there-guess I needed to vent too........oops, but I hope the info helps you and your son.

 
Old 10-13-2006, 07:19 PM   #7
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here4Jace HB User
Re: need to vent

Quick update...thanks to all that responded, you helped me out bunches Jace is now out of the regular ed. class, he wasn't in there that much to begin with. He continues to go to P.E. lunch, recess and assemblies with the typical students. They wanted to take him out of P.E. and I told them no, I won't agree with that one. Glenwood, which specializes in Autism has been contacted to come and observe, then train(I've been trying to get the school to ask for this for 2 yrs. now) This may take a while for them to actually get there, but the first step has been taken now. I made it totally clear that I will not take him from school, when bad behavior occurs. I also made it clear that I feel they have labeled Jace as the "bad kid" that causes problems and that it had better stop. I know his rights and he will not be removed from this school, unless it's by my choice.
rbecca Thanks for saying the things you did. For the past 3 years, we have survived on SSI alone. I put myself through school, only to find that I can't find a job that will accomodate my schedule. I now have a job making practically no $, but it does accomodate us. So now I have a degree that is worthless and student loans that I will not be able to pay off. You are the first I have spoken to dealing with the same situation. I admire and respect you to the fullest and I'm glad your son is doing well. Thanks to all...

 
Old 10-19-2006, 11:10 AM   #8
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Re: need to vent

here4Jace-

Hi there, I would love to know what you found (employment wise) to accomodate the wonderfull lack of ability to conform to the 9-5 bankers hrs that us mom's, (or Dad's) w/kids that have special needs-and especially complicated,regimented schedules are plagued with !!!!!

I have the same issue- major student loans,& a highly marketable occupation, but I can't find a job that will let me just work during the hours that my son is in school. I don't know about you, but I'm a single mother, I have run out of friends who are willing to help out for a few hrs per day (or on wknds) to fill in the gap from when he gets off the schoolbus until I get off wk & home. I have even tried working nights, and then just having someone sleep overnight here with kids- that didn't work either since reliability was an issue as far as getting my son up & ready to go to catch the schoolbus in the am before I got home.
Thank God for court ordered/garnished child support !!!!! What's funny though is that last Dec. I got the standard letter from SSI saying how much his ck would be every month for the yr and then when January's check came it was 440 bucks less than what the letter had said...... talk about a new years curve-ball straight to the fanny!! As it turnes out - half of the ch/sup is counted as HIS OWN personal income and a large portion of it is deducted from the SSI. OUCH, although it's 440 less than it was we sort of make it every month, my finding something to do part time would be helpfull.... I have looked all over for something to maybe do from home, but nothing I've found is really legit- bummer,for lack of a better word........... I have my resume posted a few places and frequently get calls from employers, but when they hear the hrs I'm available, I get the "thank you for your time, &we'll keep your resume on file and call you if something comes available", sure you will !!!!!

Have a great day, Rebecca

 
Old 10-20-2006, 05:26 AM   #9
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here4Jace HB User
Re: need to vent

I know how you feel. I have a job, because my best friends family owns the business. It's not the job of my choice, as far as money goes, but it 's gonna have to do. Maybe you can find a job in the school system. The pay sucks but the hours are accomodating. I tried that, with no luck. I have realized that my degree is useless. I won't ever have a career that will allow my children the time they need. I am also a single mom of 2. Child support didn't work out for us, the SSI helps alot. I thought of cleaning houses or something like that, so that I could make my own hours. If you take that route health insurance is a definate NO. I know that some child care centers will hire for school hours. I think that a job in the school system will be your best bet. I know here if you have an associates degree in "anything" you automatically qualify as an instructional aide. These were just some of my thoughts before I came upon my current job, maybe this will give you a better idea. I wish you the best and my thoughts are with you. Good Luck!

 
Old 10-22-2006, 04:32 PM   #10
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rbecca HB User
Re: need to vent

here4jace
Thank's, actually I have tried for something in the school district because as you said, the hrs are pretty close to when he's in school and the days off /hollidays wouldn't be an issue. I just haven't run accross any openings that have worked out (YET!!!). For some reason, around here elementary(sp?) school starts 1 1/2 hrs after jr high/high school, so obviously it ends an hr & 1/2 later also, Christopher is in 8th grade and I keep finding openings in K-5th grade schools. I'm still looking though, thx for the suggestion and have a great day, Rebecca

 
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