Laenini

Did I understand correctly that she menstruating already at age 10? And that you have you noticed she is more aggressive right before her period? If that is the case, maybe she has some PMS? There are medications to help with PMS, so maybe you might want to check with your doctor? A little Prozac might go a long way in this case.

Also, sometimes these kids are more physical with the people in their lives who they feel safer expressing their frustrations with physically. I agree that letting her know she is hurting you is a good idea. I think too it might help for you to try to restrain her hands with your own hands and tell her very firmly "you may NOT hit (bite, scratch, etc...) me!" when she is starting to get physical. Even with the autism, I think at 10 she is old enough to learn that unsafe behavior has consequences. You may want to place a condition of safe behavior on certain social or community activities for her to participate. If she acts out with unsafe physical behavior, those activities could be withheld until she can prove she has her behavior under better control. The fact that she stops the behavior when her dad is around shows that she does have some control over it. You need to give her logical incentives to control it all the time. Consequences for unsafe behavior and then a small reward or recognition when you catch her controlling her temper could work wonders. Be careful not to dangle the reward like a carrot though. You want to reward good behavior, but not bribe or buy good behavior from her. That could open up a whole other can of worms!

Good luck!