.i feel awful tho - Autism Spectrum Message Board

emz282 · 01-02-2007, 05:20 PM

hi i would like to share my story about my beutiful daughter katie, i knew there was a problem when she was 2 but the doctors told me to give it time...play with her more spend more time with her etc...i am a stay at home mum i spent ALL my time with her we did everything together! but im JUST her mum and i spent 2 years of hell believing them, thinking i was an awful parent and my daughter wasnt "rite" because i was crap as a mum
then she started nursery and that got the ball rolling.....i think i proberbly knew but... when the teacher pulled me into her office and said " your daughter has alot of autistic tendencys and i think she needs proffesional assesment" it was like someone tore my heart out..i cried for at least a week (i still cry now, 7 years on) i spent alot of time choosing schools for her big brother, and she was going to the same school....regardless"
she had disabilitys but i wasnt about riting her off!" this was the best school in our area and ALL my kids would attend.
i didnt know anyone with disabilitys(exept my xpartners family and we didnt have much to do with them)
i made her attend this school(with full time support) against everybodys advice for 3 years and then i guess i stopped fooling myself, my child is NOT a learning tool for other kids! (i would rather the hostility than the patronising, phoney.."im glad my kid can be with a disabled child! it will give her skills" )god!! makes me wanna punch the smug ***** in the face! my baby is beautiful, charming and funny!
i love her with all my heart...and i hope i can begin to make choices 4 HER rather than hold on to my dreams 4 a child that doesnt exist........anyway thats where im at at the moment
emma x

maggie78 · 01-02-2007, 09:13 PM

i certainly understand atleast some of what you are going thru. i too knew there was something "wrong" with my son when he was two. he started speaking at the right age, however, his speech didnt seem to advance as time passed. he added more words to his vocabulary, but not the sentences, the words were and are mispronounced alot of the time so we cant always comunicate with him as we should. he will be four next month. i too went to my pediatrician at age two and was told i was comparing him to my two older girls who spoke very early on very clearly. one of them is in gifted class with an iq score of 130 in the verbal part. i was told i was trying to compare him to her. i was told that because i stayed home with him, he wasnt socializing. that i was babying him. that i needed to seperate him from me, put him in day care, teach him playing skills and set up his own room. i did all those things, after feeling i was to blame for his delays. his behavior began to deteriorate, his "meltdown" increased. he began to show sensory issues (like he hates wearing clothes,and if angered his socks and shoes are the first to go) he has auditory sensitivity also, church and school functions are a big no, and of course the over stimulation, the lack social skills, etc. no one caught not the dr's not the daycare staff. at my husband and i's insistance he was sent to a pediatric neurologist and they diagnosed pdd-nos for now, i think it will probably be reclassified to aspergers at some point. it was bitter sweet. i too felt i had lost this perfect little boy, and had no idea what i was going to deal with. the tears were constant, like you they still are. but it was "sweet" to know i was not crazy all this time. he is not spoiled, or babied, it is not lack of discipline. there is a problem, and now he will start getting the help he needs. next week we will take on the school system too. i'm told to hang in, things wont get easier, but we will learn to cope with it. best of all, you are no longer alone. there are lots of us just like you !!! we'll support each other.

iyami · 01-03-2007, 10:58 AM

i think autism is Not a disability, its a Difference and normal people are too conceited and self ritious somtimes to accept differences in others, i mean if some things are harder but some things are easier, there is no "disabled" there is only "alternative"

you Should and are Right to be proud of your beautiful-charming-funny daughter, and one day maybe shell realize what a total ****** she sounds like and then she should appologize to you properly. if she doesnt she is not worth givng the time of day, and hopefully her daughter wil be much more understanding than she is.

i think you made the right choice and going to a Good school is the best possible thing for her, becuase if they relaly are good, and they are willing to teach herin a way she can understand too, she will accell for sure, i know i was much happier to struggle in a good school than be bored to tears in a regular school.

Ms-Trixi · 01-03-2007, 07:48 PM

I have felt horrible all week. Lots of crying and a little too much wine.
When I was 6 months pregnant with my second son, I went online to research language delays for my 2-year olds upcoming doctor appointment. Of course I was directed to all of the autism websites and I recognized the condition in my son.
No one believed me. Not my husband, or my son's doctor, or even the doctor in the emergency room. I had a horrible anxiety attack and went to the emergency room. I told the doctor that I thought my son was autistic. He asked me if he made eye-contact and when I said yes, he said that he wasn't autistic.
Finally another doctor who had a son with mild autism agreed with me. I had a nervous breakdown (while pregnant) and ended up in the county mental institution with severe anxiety and depression. I almost gave my baby up for adoption. However, because I was so persistant, my son started getting therapy right away.
All I want now is for him to talk. I don't see autism as a disability (many people on both sides of the family have autistic traits and are fine). The only thing that scares me is that my son isn't talking yet (just babbling).
I read a view of autism being like a fruit salad and I really believed it. The person said that autism is simply the manifestation of different genes thrown together (like a fruit salad). That is why the spectrum is so wide, and autistics are so different from eachother. It's more like a type of personality (maybe with an obssessive compulsive gene and a late-talking gene, and an anti-social gene for one person, another mix for another person).
With therapy and understanding available today, these kids have such great potential.
I do understand your feelings though. I feel awful too.

emz282 · 01-04-2007, 11:20 PM

hi thanks every1 for replying to me......iyami? my mail is [email]emma.williamson10@ntlworld.com.........i f[/email] you want to give me advice on how you think i should be dealing with my katie or if you u just want to chat about where or what yur up to now i would b HAPPY to hear from you.......emma x
p.s how old r u?