Do any of you ever... - Autism Spectrum Message Board

here4Jace · 01-17-2007, 10:19 PM

hate to hear your friends talk about their typical children? I know this may sound ugly and hateful, but i can't help it. Don't get me wrong i'm glad my friends lives aren't as complicated, tired and stressed as mine, i just don't enjoy hearing about it. I don't talk much about my family life much to them, just so i don't have to hear about their children. I don't want to hear about little Jimmys friends coming over or Suzy not getting the part in the school play. Sometimes i just want to say...
SHUT UP!

My son is 7 and can't talk, he's never told me he loves me and may not ever be able to, his idea of having fun is running away, into the street. My son doesn't have any friends, his way of communicating is hitting the kid next to him in class or screaming in a voice that is so high pitched, that you think your head is going to explode.
Sorry, guess i just needed to vent.Do any of you ever feel like this or am i crazy?

ruby41 · 01-18-2007, 03:52 PM

Hi, my son sounds very similar to your son. He is also 7 and although his language is developing he is violent runs away as soon as he gets outdoors to the first lampost and taps it, then to the next one to tap it, then across the road to the one there to tap it with no awareness of danger. No I dont think your crazy or hateful. Infact I feel exactly like you. At the moment the school my son is at is trying to move him out to a worse school. I'm very stressed about this and all i'm hearing from friends and family is how their kids are doing so well, comming home with Student of the Month awards, getting invited to birthday parties. Infact 1 friend is talking about moving her son to a different school because she feels the schools not pushing her son to get to a higher level. I feel like saying think about how im feeling I don't have these choices at least your child is learning and in a mainstream school. Or some insensitive person will rant on how great their child is potty trained fully at 2 when my son is not completely trained at 7. Your not alone we all feel the same.

here4Jace · 01-18-2007, 06:14 PM

I'm so glad i'm not alone. I was beginning to think that i'm going crazy. I feel like i need my sons medication more than he does

Thanks for the reply

9CatMom · 01-18-2007, 07:17 PM

(((To All of You)))

Laenini · 01-18-2007, 09:07 PM

I do get to feeling sorry for my boys and myself sometimes, but I really try to stop myself when I'm getting that way. It doesn't do me any good, and it doesn't do my boys any good. Things I try to remember that help to pull me out of it are:

*My belief that my boys are exactly the people that God (or mother nature, or fate, or whomever) intended for them to be.

*My belief that God gave me these boys to raise because He believed that I was the best match for them as a parent.

*My belief that there is more than one way to lead a happy life. Its alright for my family to have our own definition of a happy life that is distinctly different from others.

*My willingness to seek out creative social opportunities for my sons. I don't wait for them to be invited to things, I find things instead to take them to. For instance this Saturday we are starting Zach in a Saturday morning bowling league. Nick spends his Saturdays at Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments. They both enjoy their activities in their own way and on their own terms. I also seek out appropriate children to invite along on activities and have some luck with their schools helping me find kids who are good matches. I have found that kids with a certain level of compassion along with an outgoing personality and great social skills work out best. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out so well to take 2 kids who both have poor social skills and try to foster a friendship between them. Its better to go the other way and get a kid who has over the top social skills to compensate for the child with the weaker skills.

Sometimes too it can be useful to get a subtle message to people who are maybe not realizing that their comments are making you feel bad. I don't see anything wrong with pointing out to Suzy's mom that "gee, you must be really proud that she made the effort and tried out for the play! I know I'd be so proud to see my Zach be able to try out for something like that, even if he didn't get it." A statement like that gets the message across to the other parent, yet still helps them to feel good about their child too.

I know how competitive some parents are. I made a choice many years ago to drop out of the competition so to speak. I can always find something to feel grateful about, or proud of about my boys. Try to look for and embrace the good, and leave everything else behind. And if someone is really "toxic" and seems to go out of their way to make you feel bad then cut them loose. Life is too short to allow those types of people into your life.

Leanne