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Old 01-31-2007, 10:25 AM   #1
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Sort of new to autism

My son was diagnosed almost 2 years ago with autism and now with ADHD. He is 5 and a half. I can't stand his behavior most of the time and am at a loss. My son hits and says really upsetting things over and over again. He hears things once from TV or his sisters and he says the phrase a hundred times at least a day like "shut up and are you happy now". He is so mean to animals that our dog bit him and had to be put to sleep. The cats run for the hills when ever they hear his voice. He has tried to choak me and kicks and hits even the doctor. I use to think that he would out grow some of his behavior,but it seems like he is getting worse the older he gets. I had no idea that autistic children where so aggressive! My osn was a quiet toddler,but did not really speak until 3 and a half because he went to a preschool that helped him. Anyway, he also makes the biggest messes and everything he does he knows is wrong but keeps doing it. The doctor suggested medication,but my husband "will not have his son on a narcodic(sp)." I want so much to enjoy my son,but I don't know how. He does give kisses and bear hugs,but he tells me he hates me while hugging me. I say "well I love you", and he'll say again "I hate you mom". We have tried spanking once in a while,but that does no good at all, it just makes him freak out and go crazy. We do time out and again he goes nuts. How do you disaplen(sp) a child with autism? I love my son so much,but at the same time fear his out burst. Is this all a part of autism?

 
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Old 01-31-2007, 12:44 PM   #2
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Re: Sort of new to autism

Unfortunately, yes this can be part of Autism. I'm wondering does he go to school and what happens there? Does he have a therapeutic aide in school? After school? There are several interventions for this kind of behavior but it needs to be put in place by professionals and generally with a team approach including teachers, aides, consultants and parents. What kind of special needs services is your son receiving now?

 
Old 01-31-2007, 06:08 PM   #3
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Re: Sort of new to autism

Hi thank you for responding. My son is in a self contained class room with one teacher 2 aids and 4 kids. He also gets OT,Speech,and PT. When my son acts up at school and goes wild, the teachers hold him in a restraint hold until he calms down and will not hurt himself or anyone. I think at school he acts better than he does at home because it is more stuctured at school. We also have a hard time getting him down for the night. He usally pops back up at least 10 times to go to the bathroom, get water or what not. Anyway, I'm rather new to finding out more about autism and any thing I should know please help. My husband refuses medication and I think my son needs it,but that is another story...

 
Old 01-31-2007, 08:36 PM   #4
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Re: Sort of new to autism

I'm not a big fan of medication either and it's questionable whether or not it would provide the kind of relief sought. You may want to do some research on it over the net to get an idea about the medication(s) suggested.

It sounds like your son's receiving the appropriate services at school. Does he have any aide after school? If not, is that possible? Because of the aggressiveness you state, and the getting up a lot at night, I'm wondering if he doesn't need some kind of extended physical activity for 2-3+ hours after school, with an aide. Many ASD kids are often quite energetic and do need extended periods of physical activity. The trick is finding what activity and that depends somewhat on the location and the community resources.

Who coordinates services? The teacher? Is there an external consultant involved with planning treatment services/interventions for the school? A psychologist?

Another issue is consistency; if it's possible to use the same interventions at home as in school - and vice versa, that helps. You may need to learn about various behavioral interventions. Team members will need to meet to go over the interventions so everyone is on the same page.

Does your son use language? Can he communicate his needs? Can he understand instructions? If not, he may have great difficulty expressing his needs and may need some kind of assistive technology. Picture Exchange System works well for kids that age that are not able to use language.

There is certainly lots of information on the net about autism and you'll probably finding yourself learning more and more about it....There's no doubt having an ASD child is very challenging. Some communities have autism support groups and there are online autism support groups - you might find something like that helpful. Good luck.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 12:36 AM   #5
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Re: Sort of new to autism

callinga kid who has been diansoded with AS also ADHD is just plain dumb.

im really sorry if i sound mean but please please for your sons sake dont take the ADHD thing seriously, its VERY common for shrinks to "mistake autism for ADHD" and thats a bad thing.

now being mean to a cat does not sound like autism to me, two of my siblings do that, but they have distructive behavior disorder. they try to able them as ADD too, which pisses me off, they dont need riddalin they need to be taught how to act kindly to others.

now if hes doing things like just pushing a cat, not Really trying to be mean or like hes not mad or anything,that could be a form of effection. hugging you while saying he hates you could be effection too, example; i pull my boyfriends hair and call him "prat" as effection, but he thinks its cute. i dont always make a nice expression either i could be looking serious, but its still an odd form of love.

i hate misdiagnosis for ADD becuase of its meds, it can seriously hurt kids who dont need it. like, my friend didnt need to be on it he was just obsessive compulsive, and the drugs made him suisidal, he almost died. be very very very careful when concidering giving mind altering drugs to children.

to me, if something was not explained logically and rationally i would not listen
if my mom said 'becuase i said so" id just says something like 'i dont care!" very angery. i hate fake answers, and i dont understand emotional or implieing answers. i need it blunt and i need it logical. i need to hear it concistantly, not just once, or ill wonder if it "still applies"
but that doesnt work on ALL autistic kids, it just worked on me.
it only works on my brother if hes calm.
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Please excuse any gramatical/spelling errors, I have a verbal disability.

Last edited by iyami; 02-01-2007 at 12:43 AM.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 02:42 AM   #6
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Re: Sort of new to autism

Thank you both for your input. I joined this board here for support and learning more about autism. I still have to look into support in our community. We are looking into a pyscologist for my son for a 2nd oppionion of the ADHD. It's having them get back to us that is so hard! My son does not have an after school aid. I looked into outside resources,but my husband wants to go private. My son does the picture thing at school,but not at home. He does talk and most of the time now we can understand him and his needs. My son is mean to the cats to get them to stay on a couch or just a few minitues ago he wanted and tried to step on the cat's tail just to get a reaction. My son knows it's "wrong" to step on the cat's tail, that is why I don't understand why he does things he does if he knows it's wrong. He does laugh when he is hurting someone or something because he does not understand how much it really hurts or that it does hurt. I don't know and I guess that is all apart of the autism puzzle. About medication, I was hoping for anything that could help calm my son down. It's winter time here and very cold so it limits his time outside,so I wish we could "run" him to get him tired out. Lots of good things to think about,thanks for replying!

 
Old 02-01-2007, 06:59 AM   #7
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Re: Sort of new to autism

Some of the behavior sounds like Austism/AS, but animal cruelty is not part of the disorder. My heart goes out to you.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 08:50 AM   #8
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Re: Sort of new to autism

Thanks 9catmom.

 
Old 02-02-2007, 08:38 AM   #9
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Re: Sort of new to autism

Does your son have sensory issues as well? Because my son is mean to our cat and has been for yrs now and just got his first scratch ever just a few weeks ago (Shows you whose the more tolerant species). When I asked him why he's mean to the cat he said it's because he rubs up against his legs and I said that's the cats way of showing affection and love and he said the way it feels bothers him. I felt stupid for not putting the two together sooner. My son has always had sensory issues with sound touch etc. So now we've figured out a way to shoo the cat away with out causing strees to anyone.Perhaps this is one of the reasons for his cruelty to animals.

 
Old 02-02-2007, 11:50 AM   #10
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Re: Sort of new to autism

HI, I think my son has sensory issues,but not with the cat. He loves to have the cat next to him and "hold the cat." I don't think thats it. He is mean to me and his sisters. He just likes to "mess" with us to get our attention or a reaction. He also one time hit a lady just as he was walking by her just for the thrill of it I think. He hits his dad too and the dentist and doctor. My husband trued to defend our son by sayin ghe was just in a small space when he hit the doctor,but I don't know. He thinks it's funny when he hits and he laughs and runs away. Sometimes though in his defence he is defending himself or one of his siters when he does hit. My girls fight with eachother and it gets my son upset,so he hits too no matter whos fault it is. Anyway, he just came home and i had to drag him in the house. I guess we could have stayed outsdie for a bit,but he just wants to do what he wants to do no matter what you ask of him. We do have an appoinment with pyscologist next month to see if he is ADHD or what ever. I still feel he needs something to help him calm down and not be so aggressive.

 
Old 02-02-2007, 01:17 PM   #11
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Re: Sort of new to autism

As I read these posts and think about the daily things my son, Andrew does, I am in agreement to the sensory integration dysfunction he was just newly diagnosed with. I have thought for a long time, he was doing this to get my attention and p*** me off. When we go to the store he drags his hands on everything. When he sleeps he has to have the knit blanket my mother made him when he was a baby, he also carries it around like a lifeline. He has a car in his hand at all times, or a truck. He is touching everything around him. He does not like loud noises like music or yelling, but when we go to the fireworks or where you think it would bother him, he doesn't flinch. His feet always have to be pressed up agains the front seat of the car. I can actually put a WOW, that is why! as I think about the past four years. There are so many different diagnosis's for Autism it wasn't until the other day that I actually came to the understanding and acceptance that this is my son.... Michele

 
Old 02-02-2007, 01:44 PM   #12
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Re: Sort of new to autism

My son still had his blankets and his binki. The school wanted us to get rid of the binki,but the doctor said for him to keep it at night to help calm him down. I'm learning to accept my son,but my husband thinks I'v givin up on my son thinking that he will never be "normal". As I read other's post exspecailly the ones who are autistic and are all grown up, it gives me hope that one day my son will be able to "have a life". And not be sent to a home to live when he grows up for people who can't make it on thier own. I did't give up so much as I thought my son would never learn anything to help him be self sufficent(sp). I have a learning disablity in writing and spelling and I never thought I'd come as far as I have with being able to post on boards and things,so if there is hope for me then there is hope for my son. He is already reading site words and can spell his name Zach. Too cute, my car is dusty fromt he salt on the roads and he spelled his name in the dust and spelled Mom too. It melted my heart.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 03:33 PM   #13
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Re: Sort of new to autism

This will sound right out of left field but there is a nutritionist in Britain called Patrick HOlford who has a lot to say on kids with supposed 'ADHD'. Go to your library and look for a book called 'Optimum Nutrition for your child's mind' or something - it has a green cover. He gives suggestions of supplements to give kids with behaviour problems that apparently do work.

It would be worth a try. My friend's child who was diagnosed with ADHD and PDD and figure ground hearing used to be mean to his animals but he isn't any more, he's 11. It may be just poor impulse control exacerbated by the other stuff. He used to be really rude as well - called his grandma 'fatbum' which was very funny but very rude as well!! and used lots of swear words. but now, he's 11 and he's a different kid. Really sweet actually, and conversational and much, much calmer. But when they put him on ritalin he totally freaked out. It didn't help.

I really do advise you to find that book.

 
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