I am new to the Aspergers realm, my 9 yo son was diagnosed last year, but I always knew something was "different"; he also has a defiance thing, which is really hard to deal with. He is having a hard time at school, and I want him to fit in so badly. I never had a hard time with fitting in and always paid attention to the kids who didn’t and was extra nice to them and protected them. I am heart broken over my son's inability to socialize, and to "conform" to what is the "norm". He has one teacher that just refuses to learn anything about Asperger’s-she is so ignorant. We provided her with pamphlets on it, and ways to help herself and everyone else (cuz we all know how if one thing goes bad-everything goes bad) but she didn’t read them. Any way he has now been suspended from school, which I believe is a huge misunderstanding on his part, and the teachers.
His behavior always gets worse during the holidays and before his birthday; the defiance and the maligning behavior carries over to all aspects of his life. I feel so bad for him, it’s like he is trapped in a fortress with all these walls that he does not know how to break thru, and he knows things are going badly so he then behaves badly, and cannot stop himself. He told us once when we asked him why he did these things; he said "my brain just tells me to".
I don’t feel that compassion is being taught by parents any more, and it breaks my heart. He is now calling himself dumb, and he is so far from that. He gets along with adults fine, in fact they usually find him refreshing, and the younger children love him, they flock to him, he thinks of the most fun things to do-imagination wise. But with classic form, all the children his age think he is strange, and mock him.
My husband and I are at wits end, we know this is a catalyst of sorts and do not want our son to end being dubbed as the "weird kid, that is always wiping his nose (The Bench Warmers movie). And if you have seen 'Napoleon Dynamite' you have met my son, he acts just like that, and that movie just drove things home. (We only recently saw it.)
I have tried everything, and read everything I could get my hands on, but nothing works consistently, rewards and punishment work sometimes, but then it all goes wrong. Is there any parent out there who can give me some pointers, advice on medication-he is not currently on any. Any techniques that would be helpful. I really am going to have go on some severe sedatives to avoid this whole defiant stuff. The worst thing is, is that when he is bad, he loves the company of my younger children. He has really had, to tell the truth a very bad influence on. It’s like I have 3 Asperger kids all running around defying me... He makes it seem so fun to them, and I feel completely helpless, I am getting mad all the time; that’s where my sedatives come in. I know he is a warm hearted, sweet boy, but it is really hard to see that thru all the bad behavior.
I also have such a hard time with his teachers, they have just no idea on what to do, its like they have never had an Asperger's child before, but I know they have. Any way I really could go on and on...
Thanks for listening, any advice you may have would be so completely appreciated.