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Old 11-15-2007, 11:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: near SaltLake City,UT
Posts: 96
rach33 HB User
Problems with Christmas & Birthdays; bad behavior due to anxiety

I am new to the Aspergers realm, my 9 yo son was diagnosed last year, but I always knew something was "different"; he also has a defiance thing, which is really hard to deal with. He is having a hard time at school, and I want him to fit in so badly. I never had a hard time with fitting in and always paid attention to the kids who didn’t and was extra nice to them and protected them. I am heart broken over my son's inability to socialize, and to "conform" to what is the "norm". He has one teacher that just refuses to learn anything about Asperger’s-she is so ignorant. We provided her with pamphlets on it, and ways to help herself and everyone else (cuz we all know how if one thing goes bad-everything goes bad) but she didn’t read them. Any way he has now been suspended from school, which I believe is a huge misunderstanding on his part, and the teachers.

His behavior always gets worse during the holidays and before his birthday; the defiance and the maligning behavior carries over to all aspects of his life. I feel so bad for him, it’s like he is trapped in a fortress with all these walls that he does not know how to break thru, and he knows things are going badly so he then behaves badly, and cannot stop himself. He told us once when we asked him why he did these things; he said "my brain just tells me to".

I don’t feel that compassion is being taught by parents any more, and it breaks my heart. He is now calling himself dumb, and he is so far from that. He gets along with adults fine, in fact they usually find him refreshing, and the younger children love him, they flock to him, he thinks of the most fun things to do-imagination wise. But with classic form, all the children his age think he is strange, and mock him.

My husband and I are at wits end, we know this is a catalyst of sorts and do not want our son to end being dubbed as the "weird kid, that is always wiping his nose (The Bench Warmers movie). And if you have seen 'Napoleon Dynamite' you have met my son, he acts just like that, and that movie just drove things home. (We only recently saw it.)

I have tried everything, and read everything I could get my hands on, but nothing works consistently, rewards and punishment work sometimes, but then it all goes wrong. Is there any parent out there who can give me some pointers, advice on medication-he is not currently on any. Any techniques that would be helpful. I really am going to have go on some severe sedatives to avoid this whole defiant stuff. The worst thing is, is that when he is bad, he loves the company of my younger children. He has really had, to tell the truth a very bad influence on. It’s like I have 3 Asperger kids all running around defying me... He makes it seem so fun to them, and I feel completely helpless, I am getting mad all the time; that’s where my sedatives come in. I know he is a warm hearted, sweet boy, but it is really hard to see that thru all the bad behavior.

I also have such a hard time with his teachers, they have just no idea on what to do, its like they have never had an Asperger's child before, but I know they have. Any way I really could go on and on...

Thanks for listening, any advice you may have would be so completely appreciated.


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Old 11-16-2007, 12:08 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 292
kwebster HB User
Re: Problems with Christmas & Birthdays; bad behavior due to anxiety

So sorry that you are dealing with these issues. Is your son in private or public schools? Does he have an IEP, and does it contain behavior goals??

Have you considered a social group for him - kids with Asperger's etc. My son is 10 and is high functioning. He really benefits from social group.

It is very frustrating to educate those who are supposed to be educated. Some school districts are fantastic with providing inclusive resources to ASD kids. Some are just plain behind the times.

Kids and adults are cruel. As a mom, it is hard to see people shun our kids.

Is there some activity that soothes your son so there is less stress for him over the holidays? Cooking, sand art? Some type of outlet for him?

I hope it all works out.


Old 11-18-2007, 01:26 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: near SaltLake City,UT
Posts: 96
rach33 HB User
Re: Problems with Christmas & Birthdays; bad behavior due to anxiety

Thank you. The (Public) School was supposed to have set all of that up for us last year, but our state just doesn’t pay our educators; the therapist that worked all this out, quit and went to another state, and my sons file and the information set up was lost, so we are back to square one. He was on a behavior plan last year, and it really did work wonders, it just seems that the teachers this year have all labeled him as just being defiant and disruptive and really do not know how to handle him-I myself don’t really know how to handle him... The group sounds wonderful, but I don’t know any one around here that even knows what Asperger's is, and the school cant give out the info, how would I go about something like that? State, City, Private?

Its seems weird but for some reason, he really likes to just pour things like soap, mouse, shampoo, anything this will ooze; into the sink and watch it go down. He loves to mix things together, and play his computer; but that just seems to make him withdraw more. He doesn’t really have a "behavior" that sooths him, he doesn’t have any routines he has to follow, no rocking, or small places like that. He has a lot of interests; he holds interest for a while but moves to something else. There is nothing that works all the time.

Any way thank you for taking the time to reply.

Old 11-18-2007, 03:37 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 292
kwebster HB User
Re: Problems with Christmas & Birthdays; bad behavior due to anxiety

Have you tried doing some online research into ABA and RDI or Floortime. If your county and state doesn't have the resources, maybe you could try yourself for the time being. How about an autism group near you?

The social group my son belongs to is a private one conducted by therapists who deal with autism. We live in the Northern Virginia area so there are many excellent programs for kids. One nearby as I mentioned before in Dr. Stanley Greenspan. He developed the Floortime method. But, you could check into other programs depending on the severity.

I know a lot of people homeschool their kids. Even though I am an educator myself, that is not a realistic option for us. My son actually needs the interaction and is very important. The thing about autism is the treatment can get very expensive. You really can't rely on the public schools to help.

I really hope things work out!

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