help with school - Autism Spectrum Message Board

rebecca197334 · 02-17-2008, 01:04 PM

Hi,

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with schools and teachers and therapists. I bought a book on my rights as a mom, but its confusing. I am prepared for the IEP. I intend to go in and tell them exactly what my child needs and threaten to appeal if they do not give it to me. I do not want to burn any bridges with my sons teacher, but I have some serious concerns about her lack of communication with me about progress. She is a good teacher and Kyle does well in her class, but she has to be more informative with me. Also I have a lot of requests I do not feel will be recieved well. I am afraid they will give me the run a around or just say that can't do that. How do I get them to work with me. My son's biggest issue is social. He is so socially inappropiate and has severe sesory problems that are all interferring in his learning processes. Are they obligated to deal with that? They are discouraging me from seeking an autistic diagnoses. They claim he is too high functioning, but i fear he is the lowest functioning in his pre K D class. Most of his behaviors are at home and at school he is mostly non responsive. They don't concider that a problem and even say to me that I expect too much and they can't deal with behaviors they don't see. I thought as a special needs child the school was obligated to see his home enviornment as a factor in his education. I need help. All advice welcome.

MOM23ANGELS · 02-17-2008, 05:11 PM

school districts discourage a dx because once a child is classified, they have an obligation to provide appropriate services to your son (according to his dx). there are state mandated programs for autistic children. do what you need to do for your child and getting a diagnosis is crucial. i will tell you (from experience) socially ackward behavior only gets worse as a child gets older. especially if he does not get the appropriate intervention. children are very accepting of "differences" when they are young. once a child starts second or third grade the kids aren't going to be so accomodating.

it's all about budget for them(school).........it's about advocating for your child for you.

Picali · 02-18-2008, 09:21 AM

Hi Rebecca,

Dealing with 'the system' is, for so many parents, the hardest part of dealing with their child's autism (or any other condition they may have). We had so many problems that I now home edcuate my son; I just couldn't cope with the constant battles any more.

I can't give you any advice regarding laws and your rights as I am in the UK so obviously the same things don't apply, but with regards to dealing with 'professionals' I have found the following to be useful:

As difficult as it is (and believe me, I've been close to thumping people from time to time), try to stay as calm and objective as you possibly can - I know it's difficult because that's your baby and he's just a job to everybody else, but signs of aggression, hysteria or general 'normal' responses to the problems that you are facing are often barriers to being listened to - not the way it ought to be, but I've found that's the way it is. So lots of deep breaths and try to stay as calm and focused as you can.

Write your own report. State clearly all of your concerns regarding your son and the areas that you'd like to address. Try and group them together so that you can deal with things in clusters (social, self-care skills, verbal etc etc) and try to give examples of things you are concerned about and how you would like to see your son being (for example, if he won't share toys, mention a certain time this happened and state that you would like to work towards him being able take turns/play alongside/play with another child or whatever it is that you feel is appropriate). Once you have your report prepared, there are two advantages - 1, you can give everyone a copy prior to the meeting so that everyone has time to read it and digest the information beforehand and 2, you're putting the ball back in their court - expain your concerns and give them the opportunity to suggest ways of addressing those concerns. You may, of course, feel that their suggestions aren't enough, in which case you'll need to explain very calmly where you feel they are lacking and what you would like 'reviewed'.

Be very specific about the information you feel you are not receiving from the teacher and ask for suggestions for ways to improve the situation.

With regards to him being assessed and diagnosed, I don't know how your system works but if you can go through your doc re this I would, and if it has to be done through school then keep explaining that, whilst you appreciate they don't feel he has asd, you are concerned and would like him assessed fully in order to gain a better picture of his needs overall.

If you are told that you expect too much point out, very politely, that all you expect of your son is that he is able to access the curriculum and to achieve his full potential - that is the crux of what the school is supposed to do, so point out that you simply want him to be able to learn and enjoy all aspects of his school experience.

It is a colossal pain to have to put in all the extra work and to treat people with kid gloves when all you want to do is to slap someone and scream "For God's sake, do something!!". However, I have learnt the hard way that professionals tend to respond much better to a calm, considered approach and that threatening with appeals etc tends to make them immediately defensive. That isn't to say you shouldn't appeal - if you aren't satisfied with the outcome, write down your concerns, explain you'd rather not make a formal complaint but feel you will have to if your concerns aren't addressed blah blah blah and give them the opportunity to respond. I know it's a huge amount of work for you (and you need the patience of a saint) but long term, it will probably be better for everyone if you can all work together and you can get them on your side, as it were. Polite persistence pays off, I think - there's quite a fine line between assertive and aggressive and one works much better than the other. Don't let them walk all over you and don't agree to anything you don't want to, but equally try not to go in all guns blazing and ready for a fight. Try and take notes during the meeting if you can and if any verbal arrangements are made try and jot those down and say "just to re-cap" and list them and check they agree that's what's been decided - I've been to meetings before where they've said one thing and written up something very different. Try and confirm it in writing afterwards as well - write saying 'this is a summary of our discussion and the outcomes we agreed, etc etc' and ask them to write back confirming that.

Hope something in there is useful - sorry it's so long.

Good luck with it all,

Janine

rebecca197334 · 02-23-2008, 03:49 PM

It has been the most aweful week. My son's teacher's are so condesending and critical of my job as a parent. They are just looking for something to talk about except his education. They are not teaching him! He is like a zombie in class, little to no response or interaction. They tell me he is doing wonderful and that i would be impressed with his level of improvement. What were they thinking!!! At home he is using full sentences to communicate and trying to sing and dance. At school they call progress using one word and gestures to say what he wants. At school they call progress playing with one kid for two weeks interaction. At school he puts on a hat and suddenly he plays with toys appropiately!! I am so flabbergatsted. They have no idea what he is capable of. They think his brain damage is so severe to be retarded, but no Dr. has ever said so. They say they don't have to retest him for another year and a half. How can I convince them what my child is capable of? They are so close minded. They don't want to teach him because they think he can't learn. But my child does so much better at home than at school. I think they don't stimulate him enough. And he cannot self stimulate. How do I convince them what my child is capable of???? Help.

FlipflopJacks · 02-24-2008, 07:52 AM

I am a special education teacher in NY... I know crappy teachers exist everywhere, but I want to tell you that there are some good ones out there!
I honestly have heard really only negative things about the Florida school system, especially when working with students in special education. I had a student who came from Florida about four years ago and we are still waiting for his IEP and information... needless to say we didn't need it a few weeks after knowing him, but still the information should have arrived shortly after him joining our building. I am sure the teachers are great, but the system itself isn't too fine and dandy.
Anyway, just remember that it is your right to know what it going on in the child's school life. Also remember that sometimes kids are completely different when at school because of the comfort level, especially those who have special needs. Ask questions because you have a right to know! Show/ explain to the teachers, admin, etc how your child is so different at home and what exactly he is capable of...Good luck!