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Old 04-14-2008, 09:36 AM   #1
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campark HB User
I really need some help/direction please!

I have been wondering about my 6 year old son. It is like he ignores us, doesnít listen and always tells me he wants to be good and that he is sorry. After he gets into trouble, he says how stupid he is and that I donít love him. It is breaking my heart. I have tried so many things, but it is so frustrating. When he was little he had speech problems, and had speech until age 4. It is almost like he doesnít comprehend what we are telling him sometimes, almost like he doesnít understand, even though he says he does. I also think some of his actions he just doesnít think about what he is doing. He laughs at inappropriate times, like when his brother hurts himself, he will turn around and laugh. He is not a mean-spirited little boy, but I donít understand this at all.

How do you go around getting them tested? Should you talk to his Dr. first and if so, do you make an appt and just go yourself or take your child? Sometimes I donít know if it is just a phase and he will get past it or if there is really something wrong? Me and my husband discipline him all the time, but it is like he doesnít really care or he forgets and canít help himself. I will tell him he wonít be able to play with his friends and he tells me he really doesnít care and that bothers me a lot. I donít know if he means it or if he is just saying it? He should care. Any info you can give me would be very helpful.

Last night, he got in trouble again and when he settled down, I was talking to him, and I asked him if he understood why he got in trouble and he just looked at me, almost like he is not processing what I am telling him. I donít know if I am being paranoid or if there is really something wrong. I know most people would say he is just being a typical 6 year old boy, but I have a 9 year old that never acted like this, and I know they are very different children and are not going to be the same, but I really donít know.

Any suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks!

 
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Old 04-14-2008, 03:46 PM   #2
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OneKrackedMom HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

We are in Michigan and we started with his medical doctor. Is he in public schools? If so, the teacher should be able to hook you up with someone in the school system to get some of the testing done. Mostly it is just watching behaviors. If he is in the spectrum, he should get some therapy, here it is done through the school, we have a pretty great Autism program. Does you son avoid eye contact? Does he eat everything, or is he a very picky eater? Does he play with other kids or just play by them? Does he eat things that are not food, like strings, rocks, drywall, or plastic? Is he potty trained? (It typically takes longer for Autistic children.) Does he do repetitive things, like watch the same short segment of a video over and over, or watch the wheels turn on a toy car? Does he have trouble sleeping? Does he rock or bang his head, or bite himself? I ask because my son has Autism, and he does all of these things, not all kids do the same things, but if he does even a few, I would definately get him tested. Our doctor knew within 3 minutes of meeting our son that he had Autism, and yes, he is quite severe, but it was very frustrating to me because I had specifically asked 3 other doctors if he was Autistic and all 3 other doctors told me that I was "An over-reacting new mom", boy were they wrong! I was so glad when my hubby got out of the Navy and we got to see civillian doctors, first visit, 3 minutes, and Bam!, he was 75% sure he was Autistic, and he was right. The doctor was shocked when I looked at him and said, "AND?", he didn't know what to say until I explained about the 3 Navy doctors that had so miserably failed my son. Best of luck to you, if there is any thing I can do to help, just ask, I will do my best.
Kris
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Autism is the silent epidemic. Don't stare, be aware.

 
Old 04-18-2008, 05:30 AM   #3
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campark HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Kris,
Thank you so much for your reply. This has been very frustrating to me and I feel so overwelmed I honestly don't know where to turn. When my son was 2 we had him evaluated for his speech. Heartland AEA came into our house and monitored him and said he was not autistic, however he had speech therapy up until age 4 and they said he had delayed speech. His speech is okay now, but I am more concerned with his thought process. Sometimes he just looks at me and I don't feel like he is understanding a word I am saying. For example, when he gets into trouble I will ask him if he knows why he just looks at me and says I don't know. He laughs at inappropriate times like when his brother hurts himself. He tells me he wants to be good but he just can't and that he is trying to be. He calls himself stupid all the time and sometimes will hit his head with his fist. He gets VERY frustrated if he can't do something. His kindergarten teacher tells us that he has a hard time moving from task to task and sometimes when he is asked to start a project he will just sit there until somebody comes and gets him started.
In answering some of your questions, he is a very picky eater, he is potty trained, he sometimes hits his head with his fist.
Am I over-reacting or is he just being a typical 6 year old boy? There is something telling me though something is not right. I can sit and talk to him until I am blue in the face and I will ask him if he understands and he just looks at me. I was in tears last night, because I want so desperately for him to understand and it kills me.
We are in the public schools in Iowa.
Thank you so much for listening.
Mindy

 
Old 04-18-2008, 07:42 AM   #4
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Cassandra72 HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Campark, There could be a few explanations for why your son acts this way. He could have ADD (attention deficit) combined with a language based learning disability (LD). He could have a mild cognitive handicap. How is his printing and self care skills? You need to find a multi-disciplinary clinic where he could be assessed. Ideally he should be seen by a speech-language pathologist, psychologist and developmental pediatrician at the least. If he seems clumsy or has trouble using his hands he should see a physical therapist and occupational therapist I don't know services in your area, but talk to your pediatrician.

In the meanwhile, when you talk to him, talk slowly and keep your sentences short. Repeat things but not in way to show you are frustrated. He will listen more if he is not feeling upset. Use visuals. Use gestures and make little stick drawings to show what you are talking about, or use picture books. Show, not tell. Act out what you are trying to tell him. Get him to act out what he is trying to express. Make it fun so he is relaxed and doesn't feel bad. He will try harder if he is happy. (Autistic kids rarely compensate for language issues with non-verbal communication so knowing if your son does, is useful.)

He could be compensating for not understanding connected language by acting silly or aggressive. He perhaps hits his head because he is frustrated at knowing things by not knowing how to express them. Good luck.

Look up LD on line and see if you get any suggestions with your search.

 
Old 04-18-2008, 06:41 PM   #5
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sjs40 HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Hello!

I have an 11 year old son who was just evaluated and tested by a clinical psychologist. My son is a really good kid, but is socially immature..He is hardly ever serious. If something goes wrong, he'll say that he is stupid and that he doesn't know why he did what he did.

I learned from the doctor that kids who have had a speech difficulties have a greater likelihood for ADD/ADHD. That is because the frontal lobe of the brain is, well, not functioning as it should.

I agree with the other two posts.

Your son is old enough where you can seek help form the school district where you reside and have him fully evaluated. Stick with your intuition.

You just don't know for sure. I suspected that my son may have ADHD because of his behavior at home, but his behavior is fine in school.
He has always had learning support in school, but now that we have a diagnosis, his needs are being met and his grades have shot up with no more effort on his part.

Hope this helps. God Bless!

Mom of 4 Great Kids

 
Old 04-19-2008, 07:57 AM   #6
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OneKrackedMom HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

I would have to agree with the possibility of ADD/ADHD, however, I wonder if it is possible that he may have a food allergy? I don't know why, but this is something that popped into my head immediately, could you ask your doctor about it? There can be some really strange reactions to food allergies, especially if it is wheat, or lactose, so I am just tossing in a suggestion/thought.
Kris
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Autism is the silent epidemic. Don't stare, be aware.

 
Old 04-20-2008, 01:03 AM   #7
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Monkey7935 HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Could be add or adhd or even an extrememly high functioning autism or a combination. I have Asperger's which is a form of autism, but very high functioning. We talk, we appear normal but our brain just thinks a little differently. I also have ADD. So I honestly w ould say he should be tested for the learning disorders.

 
Old 04-22-2008, 07:36 AM   #8
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campark HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

I want to thank everybody for your replys and help.

My son too has no problems in school, I don't have the teacher calling me and telling me he is disruptive in class. I get none of that. Do you think it would be best first to go through the school or through his pediatrician?
Thanks again,
Mindy

 
Old 04-22-2008, 11:26 AM   #9
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sjs40 HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

I'm not sure a pediatrician could help you. Our Dr suggested the clinical psychologist that specifically can test and evaluate for any impairments.

I would ask your Dr for recommendations. Not a diagnosis.
You could ask the school for a full psychological eval. They would test for any difficulties & needs he may have. The eval should definitely be done by a highly qualified person though.

Our school district said they could have done a psychological evaluation on our son, (they have a Dr on staff) and actually asked me if I was dissatisfied with them in any way that I sought help outside. He isn't a trouble maker in school, so it was something I didn't know was available to us, or fully understood it.
I will say that I am happy I did go to a Dr on the outside, because she actually taught the school administration how children like this need to be helped. They can then apply it to other children they come across.
I somehow don't think the school psych would have been able to do that. The fact is, that she learned something from our Dr too when we all sat down
to have a meeting.

Hope this Helps.

Mom of 4 Great Kids

PS It just so happens that our entire family is being tested for food sensitives. There is a special blood test that tests for delayed food reactions. As another post mentioned this earlier, she may be absolutely right. It's not done at an allergist though. I'll post more later if anyone is interested.

 
Old 04-22-2008, 11:48 AM   #10
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campark HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Mom of 4 great kids,
Thanks for the info. Can I ask you what symptoms your son has that made you think it was more of an issue? Like I mentioned before, my son does not seem to get into trouble at school, but at home he gets so out of control. I just don't understand it. I would be very interested in the food sensitives that you are being tested for. My son is a very picky eater and maybe like Kris said, it has something to do with food? I would be interested in hearing more.
Thanks so much,
Mindy

 
Old 04-22-2008, 12:25 PM   #11
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MaybeImIndigo HB User
Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Im wondering if your son does so well at school because it is a more structured invironment. At home, because we are so busy, our children tend to play while we are cooking, cleaning ect..Maybe you could try to structure it even more, I know with my son, he is okay with our routine here at home now,3:30 get home, tidy room, playoutside, dinner at 5:30, showers 6:30, 7:00-9:00, homework and movies, 9pm, bedtime. He does better on the school schedule becomes its much more regimen and also they have rules set up in the classroom that he has memorized whereas with the commontion at home sometimes, he can get the boundaries blurred. It might not hurt to set up a list of rules on a big piece of cardboard paper and do positive and negative reinforcements until he gets the concepts, and target his most out of control behaviors, then you can go over it and have a discussion with him as to why these behaviors bother others, but also praise him for his good behaviors or good deeds, with four kids I bet that can get overstimulating for anyone, sometimes sending them into a frenzy. I get overstimulated with two

Last edited by MaybeImIndigo; 04-22-2008 at 12:27 PM. Reason: adding

 
Old 04-22-2008, 02:13 PM   #12
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Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Hi There!

For starters, my 11 son at the age of 2 was diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction, and has an extremely limited diet. (But only because of his sensory issues.) So when you said your son has a limited diet, well he sounds more and more like my son.

To make it easier, I'll call my son Jon. Jon was always a very active kid. Even in the womb. He is very hands on tactile, but also required, especially when he was little, everyone to keep hands off him.

Because he was always off the wall at home, I thought ADHD. But he is calm in school. What made me finally take action, was when Jon couldn't take it mentally anymore. He felt out of control. He felt different from others, abnormal, socially inept. He became very depressed about himself. That was a BIG Red Flag for me!

I've known about food sensitivities for a few years because of my oldest son. He is Autistic. They say autistic people are sensitive to wheat & dairy. He was tested by an allergist, but showed no food allergies. Regardless, I limited, but not eliminate, wheat & dairy from his diet.

It wasn't until the last 6 months, however, that I came across a web site for Sage Laboratories. They are based out of Florida. A doctor can order the kit to draw a blood sample & it would be overnighted via FedEx.

Basically, I learned from a nutritionist that there are different levels of allergens. Allergists only test for one. Also, all allergies can be attributed to food. For example. I'm allergic to lawn grass. According to the Dr, I'm actually allergic to something I am putting in my body (food) and my body, over time, has compensated for me, in reacting to ordinary grass.

We just had our autistic son tested first, because he medically needs it most. We can only afford one person at a time. Through my Dr it is $700 a test. Insurance won't cover it for us.

Sage Labs, however, does deal with insurance companies. Through Sage it is $2700, but according to them, a lot of insurance co's cover 70-100%.

One person at a time, and our entire family of 6 will be tested.
We all have something going on with us health wise.
My 2 boys carry the Strep bacteria and can't get rid of it with medicine.
My 2 younger girls get sick from the Strep, and medicine doesn't help them in the long run either. The doctor said that this is food related too. (They have all had their tonsils removed too.)

After we are all tested and eliminate the certain foods from our diet...
We will finally be Healthy!!! YEAH!!!!

I'll let you know what happened with the first test result if you're interested. I'm hoping to find out in a few days.

Blessings,
Sue

Last edited by moderator2; 04-22-2008 at 02:42 PM. Reason: posted commercial websites

 
Old 04-23-2008, 04:25 PM   #13
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Re: I really need some help/direction please!

Changing the diet is worth it. But just winging it is not the way. YOu have to know for sure, because eliminating dairy and wheat may be good but other foods may be causing the problem along with those two.

I remember an episode of Oprah years ago that centered on food allergies and how it was impacting the children in several families.l The kids were hard to discipline, acted out at school, had lots of anger, --you name it.

The parents were at their wits end. Turns out several children on the show were highly sensitive to dyes in food, and things like orange juice, wheat, sugar, milk, foods we feed our children every day.

My gs was tested thru by a blood test for allergies to foods --he has a problem with peanuts, (no peanut butter), oranges, (no orange juice) chocolate, and tomatoes (no spaghetti sauce.)

There were other things that were mild to moderate. He did not test positive for wheat or dairy, which is what we were wondering about. Changing his diet and putting him on prescription vit/mineral supplement has really helped. My daughter's friends are noticing it as well as his teacher.

This anecdotal commenting is more important to her than her OWN observations, because she wants to see a change. When others see a calmer, more cooperative child it means it's really happening.

I wish insurance covered things like this, but her insurance didn't either.

Last edited by golfhat; 04-23-2008 at 04:25 PM.

 
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