I feel like the end of the world has come for both my child and i and have no one at all that helps us.
I have a 15yr old Autistic daugher. There is a court case currently going through that is worrying her a great deal, ( although she cannot see it is worrying her) She has fallen into the hands of as pervert (who has now been arrested) She has not been herself since she came out with this disclosure. But she has been saying she no longers wants to live at home anymore. (The pervert is nothing to do with home/family but he does live near us) She has been admitted to hospital at least 5 times in the last 2 months with attempted suicides and self harming. She has taken tablets,(not many) she has tried to hang herself, suffocate herself, cut all her arms and legs. She says she wants to go into care, she does not want to live with us anymore. This is litterally killing us as parents. But the thing is now, she has been in the local hospital since Monday, they tried to discharge her, social services were called and they said they did not want her, the social worker went to the hospital and told her to go home, which she wouldnt. The social worker then went on to say ' well we don't want you' so with this my child ran away. She took to the streets with no shoe's and socks, no money, or phone. The Police were called, and we sat for 6 hours terrified of what had happend to her. Social services say they will not help her in any terms. Their words to me were ' you are not dumping your responsiblities on our doorstep.
She was found 6 hours later 50 miles away, all her feet were cut and she was taken to the local hospital. She had managed to get herself on a train somehow!! The guard made her get off as she did not have a ticket.
I have now told social services ' i dont want her home' i do really but she has said if she comes home she will try to commit suicide again and also run away, so to keep my child safe i have got to refuse to have her home.
Well everyday all day social services are ringing me up, shouting at me and demaning i go get my child, telling me what a bad parent i am, i have begged and cried to them to help me, but they say no. there are now sending the Police round to arrest both my husband and i for 'child abandoment'. So we are currently waiting for the door to knock.
Yesterday Social services asked us to take her some clothes to the hospital while they decide what to do, we did this and when we got there the hospital had her ready to leave, social services had tricked both us and the hospital telling the hospital we were coming to collect her and take her home.
With this my child ran away again into the night. My husband went searching for her, after a while my child actually went back to the hospital, but she was told she could not stay there, and a nurse walked her to the gates and pointed her in the direction of the station.!!! Again the police were called, we sat here crying now hoping she was safe. The police found her and took her back to the hospital, with this my husband walked out to leave her in the hands of social services. We have not slept for days and days. I am so depressed its unbelievable. Today Social services have been on the phone again, take her home ,we said no. Social services rang again and said that they were going to arrange foster care for her, temporarily, i cried with releif, so did my child. An hour later, they rang to say they had changed their minds, we had to take her home!! So again we were all let down. At 1pm social services said they will talk to my child and ring me back to tell me what is happening, it is now 8pm and no one has bothered to call back. I have rung the hospital and been told social services are refusing to help her, so she is left at the hospital till monday now. Then we start all this again, what on earth do i do, my child does not want to come home. This feels like the end of the world to me, i cannot believe my baby doesnot want to be here with us. But the poor thing is left alone on an empty ward not knowing where she is going to be, every single day socail services are having a stand off with us, they just leave us hanging. What can i do, where can i get help for this poor child,. When i am sitting here this time of night waiting for social services and they have not bothered to come back to me and have no where to ring to ask for advice, no one to help me, i feel so terribly alone.
What do i do.
Last edited by willowthewisp; 09-06-2008 at 03:18 PM.
I really have no answer to your problem as I am not qualified in this area. The only thing I can say, it just try to comfort her when you see her and tell her how much you love her. In regards to social services, I too have had a run in with them myself in the past and it was no where in comparison of what you are going through. Mine was because of older children (teens) who are my were my step children and a difference of opinions of my responsibility, to them, and also in leaving them in care of my mild to moderate autistic child. I am through this nightmare and finally working on getting back what my son had lost in progress through foster care. (its a long, long story) but not a place on a blog. All I can say is try your best and let your daughter know just how much she means to you, and that you love and care for her very much. I will keep you in my prayers. Please keep us posted.
I wish I could help you. It breaks my heart to read this story. Can you not have her hospitalized for trying to kill herself? This is so so so so sad. You must feel so helpless. Has an counselors come to see her at the hospital. I can only hope and pray SOMETHING works out for you and your family.
PLEASE keep me posted. Can you move...move away...maybe there is some reason she can not come home. You have to try and get to the bottom of it.
Maybe contact the American disability Act/people and see if they can help. Possibly look into a mental hospital because she is suicidal? Granted I am not a legal person or have anytype of authorities. But if your daughter won't stay home (threatning suicide, or running away again.) She needs to be someplace safe, and somewhere wear she will get help that she needs. While also letting her know just how much you love her, and care for her. As another parent who has a son who has special needs and is Autistic, one must remember that our special needs children don't see the world around them in the same way or light that we do.
Willowthewisp, it must be terribly frustrating to not get any help from any direction. Is it possible for a psychologist or psychiatrist to have her placed in a psychiatric ward for a while? It doesn't sound like your social service workers have the slightest clue of how to handle a child who continually runs away and threatens suicide. As bad as a ward sounds, it would give your daughter a safe place, in a hospital, under guard, if perhaps she is scared this person would come harm her again. In our psychiatric wards, the patient is not discharged until they are "better".
You were having these problems with her back in May. Have you scheduled her with regular appointments with a psychologist? Social Workers do not have the proper training to deal with difficult emotional problems. And psychiatrists give pills for all problems. I would definitely call a local psychologist and ask for advice. Since this problem is affecting you so much, you might consider scheduling an appointment for yourself, just to spend an hour talking over options with someone who understands. Your local Autism Society may have a list of doctors who specialize in autism.
It is so hard to deal with people in charge who just "don't get it", and a daughter who has an unknown agenda of her own. From things you've said in the past, it does sound like she has decided the answer is to be in foster care, and is attempting to behave in a way that makes that happen. Especially since she turned down other offers that would have gotten her out of your house (her nan's and boarding school). Have you asked her point-blank what it is that she wants? And why?
Good luck. This is a really tough situation, and I pray there's a happy ending for everyone.
The one thing I have found with my autistic son is too fortunately he, himself doesn't know what he want's or at the very least how to express it so others can understand. I too agree with what Rose had said though the reason I said mental hospital is cause my spelling at times sucks and I knew I wouldn't be able to spell the word. Apparently this has been going on for a while and other ideas have been turned down; at this point I would agree definately with I had also suggested and what Rose has suggested as well. Not many people know how to deal with a special needs child and especially an Autistic has Autism in itself is still being researched, and there are a vast array how different people behave in regards to Autism. I too would look into your local Autism Society and look into counseling not only for your daughter but possibly with you husband and yourself. Also call American disability people/act as someone should be able to steer you in the right direction and do what is best not only for your daughter as for you (the parents).
Just because a person goes into a physch. hospital it doesn't mean a bad thing, there are plenty of people who will go into a treatment facility to help them through a rough patch, and get them the care that they need. Also when you are admitted, you stay there until you are stable and not being a threat to yourself or others. My step daughter had been in 1 a couple of times because she was suicidal, and for self harm (she is a cutter). I know others who have been in them too. It may sound scarey or distressing but sometimes people just need a bit of extra help to get them through a rough period.
Last edited by brattybratteddi; 09-07-2008 at 03:37 AM.
I am so sorry to hear your heart breaking story! I agree with brattybratteddi, contacting your local autism society and a psychologist. If you could get her into a psychiatric hospital or somewhere safe so you could then work on the real issues with her. I don't know what your daughter's abilities are - Have you tried communicating with your daughter through writing? Sometimes people with autism, no matter what their cognitive ability, find it easier to express their true feelings through writing (obviously this is everyone, but it might be worth trying). Is there any way you could rent somewhere on a temporary basis away from where this man lives. I don't know exactly what has happened, but it certainly sounds as though she doesn't feel safe there. It may help for you to write a 'social story' to help her to understand what happened and that you will do your very best to ensure it doesn't happen again, outlining things you could do to make her feel more safe? It certainly sounds like social services are not going to help! Have you tried your GP? Could he refer you to someone more specialist? I don't know the american system, so I'm not much help, sorry!
Good luck, please let us know what happens!
Love and hugs xxx
Two things come to mind right away. You were called to come and pick her up and you did not, for whatever reasons, right or wrong, hence the police involvement by statute. Secondly, you should call your local courthouse re a Warrant of Apprehension, a civil proceeding where the person in question is brought before a judge, forcibly if possible, and you explain how that person is now a danger to herself or others, and the court is bound to take action of some kind, usually temporary but effective, and they have mental health professionals at their disposal. Now, some may say, oh don't involve the court system in your private life, but look at the situation you are now in. Nothing else seems to be working.
Hello Everyone, here is an update.. First of all, thank you everyone for replying, it is a great help to me. I still feel like i am actually having a breakdown.
I have been talking to my daughter on the telephone over the weekend as she has a phone by her bed in the hospital, she said they were treating her very badly and ignoring her ( i think this was to make her realise she was not going to get attention eveytime she went to the hospital) she kept wanting me to phone her all the time. She was very lonely and bored. On Sunday she kept me on the phone for over 3 hours, so at least she wanted to talk to me. She kept saying ' they are not going to help me mum are they' (meaning Social Services) and i told her ' no i did'nt think they would;
We tried every trick in the book to get her to come home, we offered to move house, but she didnt want this. She did open up a bit and admitted she found our home to stressy, and found me too stressy. I know she does not cope with any stress, but i was pleased that she could actually think of something that she didnt like, (though it did hurt my feelings). She seems very angry with me at the moment, she bites my head off at any tiny thing. We offered for her to live in out large Summer house and we also offered for her to live with just her Dad at another location. Eventually she said she would live with her dad at another house on a temporary basis until she could get into care.
With this she then asked us to go and get her out of the hospital, i did hesitate and say maybe she should wait until Monday in case social services did help her, but she said she wanted to come home. We all cried with joy. Hubby went and got her.
Once she got home, she collapsed on the floor cyring and crying saying, i have done the wrong thing, take me back take me back. We were shattered, could not beleive the change in her. We promised dad would find somewhere else to live with her as soon as possible. She was happy to be going back to school on Monday, and she went happily back to school. We went to the cinema last night and she has been to school today and seems really happpy and is laughing, but she is adamant she is not staying here, and her aim is to go into care. It will only take one tiny thing to set her right back, we are walking on egg shells. so now my hubby is trying to find another home, this is going to split us up and is devestating us, but we have no other choice. She see's a psychiatrist every 2 weeks, and she saw her today, we said she certainly needs medication, they said NO, we said she should be put into a psychiatric unit for her own safety and as per normal they said NO. Social services are still doing nothing at all. this child is still miserable and unhappy. she really does not seem to be happy with me for some reason, but all i have ever given her is lots of love, attention, cuddles, she has all the latest range of toys, ipods, computers etc, she needs for nothing at all, so i cannot understand her. But where do we go from here, my family is about to be split apart, we have another child at her and i feel terrible her Dad is going to be taken away from her.
Willow, this is a dreadful situation, although I have to say I am not suprised at the lack of help you are receiving, it is par for the course and you will find so many parents who have asked for help and been treated badly.
Given the lack of support from outside agencies and your psych's refusal to medicate, is there any chance you could consult a private psychiatrist and/or therapist for your daughter to work with? I have no idea if your financial situation would make this possible, but you will normally get far more help if you are able to pay for it! There are also complementary therapies like homeopathy and acupuncture that can help with stress and anxiety.
I can only hazard a guess that this has come about because of the situation you mention with someone that lives near you? Has there not been any help from victim support with regards to counselling for the family?
Is there any way of getting help through school? Perhaps they could involve the psychologist and help her to work through things properly. Maybe get to the bottom of what her issue is with you. It maybe something so tiny that she's misunderstood, it's so easy to do, especially as her view of the world will be completely different to yours. I think it'sreally important that whoever tries to help your daughter has a full understanding of autism, to try to reduce any further problems, as Pical mentioned, if possible pay privately. Good luck and more hugs xxx
I really am not in a financial position to pay for a private psych, i wish i was. I want to put her on St.Johns Wort, as i have heard this is such a good natural anti depressant, but when i told my doctor this he said not to as it can often cause more problems!! I would not know what sort of complimentary therapy to look for to be honest as i am not wise to all this. Victime support have offered help, but the pyschiatrist said not to take their help just yet, as my child is seeing a socail worker for one hour a week, and the psychiatrist and a special teacher at school, she felt having victim support would be too much input and overwhelm her.
She is still currently at home, is still up and down, but has not yet run away. I am so badly holding my breath, it will take one tiny winy thing to push her back over the edge. Still is still adamant she moves out of here and goes live with her dad in another home. The Police did warn me that she may blame us for not helping her when she was being abused, even though we were not there the police said it is a natural thing to be angry with the parent for not protecting them. But this still kills me.
She seems to be angry with me for something, constantly biting my head off, shouting at me, and snapping at me, but not with her dad!!
I never smack my children, and they do get nearly everything they want so i cannot really understand this.
My hubby has an appointment with the local housing to try and get some emergency housing for both him and her, but the soonest appointment they had was next monday!!! and this is and emergency appointment.
I meanwhile am trying my hardest to find another house, she says this will not make a difference and she will not live with me, but i now need to move out and get a fresh start as well. Trouble is i cannot get another house anyway, i am trying my local housing to help me move.
I am so frightened just waiting for the next suicide attempt or the next running away, i am constantly holding my breath, i am not sleeping at all and feel so ill with exhaustion.
I have this constant feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, i guess this must be the starting of depression!
I just wish i could put things right here and and also be able to help my child.
Unfortunately, I know just how hard it is to get help and the proper help when you need it. Oct. 06 started a nightmare in my life which finally ended in Sept of 07. There are just so many people who are in power to help, or claim that they do and often don't. I know its hard and is why I had suggested the American disability Act/People, Psych. Autism group in your area and anything else that other can or you can think of. Autism is unfortunately a very mis-understood disorder and while there is a lot of research going on; very few really understand. It is true that a Autistic person will see the world completely different than you do. This is something I am, still trying to understand or try to relate to as I think it could help me in regards to my own son. Try to stay strong, don't forget to also take care of yourself both physically and mentally and try to do what is best for your daughter too. I know and realize that is easier said than done, but you must try for the both of you. Stress and depression can wreck havoc on you physically as well as mentally. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and hope you are able to find help.
Well we moved house in Nov 08, my child was by then in temporary foster care for a couple of weeks. We just packed up and went, losing all the new carpets and fitted wardrobes we had just had fitted in our old house.
But she got her way and ended up in care, just what she wanted. She has been living in a care home permanently since Dec 08. I hate it, i feel i have lost her now. It killed me and my husband taking her there, and it hurts me just as much now, as it did in December. Even though she has been there for six months, i cry every week, i just can't get used to it, like people say i will, well i can't. I have always tucked my children into bed at night and kissed them and told them i love them. But now i have to do this by a text message, and it's horrible. She comes home a lot of weekends, but she is still very stressed and uptight. The only thing i can say is that the probelms she had living here at home, she still has them now. So at least i know all the problems weren't caused by her living at home. She still self harms, runs away and has had a couple of suicide attempts whilst in this care home.
She is a very confused child, she will be living in this home until she is 18 then they will find her somewhere to live in the area where the home is, which is miles away from us.
I feel i have lost her now, i still feel very low, but i don't have that dread feeling or massive depressed feeling anymore, thank God. But hubby and i don't do anything anymore, we don't go out, we don't socialise, we argue lots, we are heart broken really.
Thank you everyone for your support last year.