Re: Substance Abuse
Monkey, you are not alone in feeling the stress, and everyone copes in their own unique way. The post was worded in a way that would require others to self-disclose their own pill or drinking problem, which is unlikely. You're fortunate to have a husband to pick up the slack. I'm a single parent with an absent ex, so it was all up to me.
Many people in this world come from dysfunctional families (myself included), and having a "different" set of child problems because of autism/Asperger's can overwhelm even the most able and productive person. Some people attempt to "fix" the feelings with meds, drugs and alcohol. I found help in the Al-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous, and Adult Children of Alcoholics 12 step programs. Yes, it's about alcohol, but the bigger picture is, they're about dysfunctional family problems, bottled up feelings, and relationship problems. There are a bunch of good people there, all of whom have experienced severe relationship problems (think "relationship" as in parents, siblings, kids, co-workers, spouse, etc), and it provides an opportunity to talk about one's stresses, and learn new coping skills. It can be a slow process, because our brains have to take in new ways of understanding life and our experiences, and one has to be open to trying new behaviors. No one who attends is required to speak, and just listening can be very helpful for some people.
No one can give you a magic bullet to make the stress go away. Pills and alcohol may cover up the problems, or make a person not care about the problems as much. It takes new behaviors, new thinking patterns to make life really work better. Think of it this way - what we're doing didn't work. Let's try something different.
Another good resource to help with the autism would be local parent support groups. They can help by providing ideas and resources available in your area to work with the autism behaviors.
Personal counseling by someone who understands addictions and autism problems could also be very helpful.
My opinion is you'll need both support groups, one that focuses on the autism, one that focuses on the pills/alcohol/relationship issues, with extra help from one-on-one counseling. All of the above have helped me cope with very trying circumstances over the past 20 years. No way would I have survived (and remained sane) without my support groups and counselor. Good luck.