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Old 03-15-2009, 06:33 AM   #1
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My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

Ok...so to get your attention I need to be a bit more dramatic huh? Well, not only does my 4 year old believe that my 12 year old should not be allowed to speak to me. He screams, hits, scratches and if all else fails he bursts into tears. At home....manageable....try driving 4 hours to Perth with this going on in the car. When I say I would appreciate some help....I mean it. If anyone else has experienced this sort of drama....HELP.

Last edited by Allfourit; 03-16-2009 at 07:13 AM. Reason: no one wants to reply.

 
Old 03-16-2009, 08:30 AM   #2
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

I'm sorry I don't have any solution but I feel for your situation. Have you taken him to a neurologist about this response? Your 12 yo son must be suffering through all this. I hope he is a strong kid. Even without the "oppositional" behavior our older NT son suffers under the brunt of autism related stress in our family. We try to do all we can to make sure he doesn't feel alienated.

When I took my then 3yo son with autism to the neurologist, I witnessed the same thing happening to a set of brothers. The younger brother hissed, snarled, threatened and spat at his older brother for speaking while we were in the waiting room. It was quite intense. The older brother sat quietly trying not elevating the younger brother's stress level but how long can this go for, without affecting the older boy??

 
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Old 03-17-2009, 01:25 AM   #3
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

Not an easy solution but I would discuss it with the child neurologist or child psychiatrist or psychologist. In the meantime, make sure your older son knows it has nothing to do with him, but it's just the nervousness of his brother's autism symptoms. Take your older son out just with him to special places and reinforce he's a great kid and you know it's not easy on anyone during these times. Let him vent his feelings.

Perhaps a good child psych can work out a behavior plan for this intense problem. In the meantime, I would not take any car trips with the two boys if you can absolutely avoid doing so.

This could be an OCD thing (obsessive) or a sensory thing. Maybe down the road, medication for anxiety would be an option to consider.

Keep us posted as to what a professional suggests.

 
Old 03-18-2009, 06:53 AM   #4
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

Thanks guys...really I do appreciate any feedback. Perhaps some more background on this end would be helpful...I am a single mum of 3 kids...live in a mining town...no family...they are all on the other side of Australia...my ex left me for greener pastures when I was 6 months pregnant...so...travelling in the car with just one kid is not such an easy task, we tend to travel as a package deal. In Australia we don't have such easy access to Specialists unless we are on a fairly good income, (me, not so good) however do get wonderful Early Intervention services in the city. What can I say? I have discussed this with my sons case worker and are having a go at a couple of different things but as far as sampling different Specialists ideas and suggestions, that cannot be done.
Love to all, Thanks again and by all means, keep it coming. M.

 
Old 03-20-2009, 11:06 AM   #5
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

That must be so difficult, I can't imagine how you cope with that. I'm wondering if it is possible he has sound sensitivities. My sons both had extreme sound sensitivities and would scream and panic over various sounds including the laughter of one of their Aunts and the voice of another one of their Aunts. Does he get angry when your 12 year old talks to anybody else, or just with you? We took the boys in and had Auditory Integration Therapy (AIT) twice over a four year period and it made a huge difference. I know some people poo poo the AIT route but before we did AIT I could not cut the boys hair, scissors or clippers, plastic bags crinkling would start Mat screaming, public restrooms were not possible as they would fairly try to claw their way over me to avoid the toilet flushing sounds as well as the air dryer. The coolers at the grocery store would have them burrowing under my coat, and since AIT all that is gone.
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Old 03-20-2009, 07:57 PM   #6
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

hi again - the previous poster talking about ait made me think of something else: is your son in a school program that might give him access to an occupational therapist. there might be a lot of sensory stuff attached to the talking sensitivity.

an o.t. who specializes in sensory dysfunction issues could be very helpful.

is this something your school might be able to provide?

 
Old 04-02-2009, 06:08 PM   #7
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

He's not at school yet. He has two more years of Early Intervention Therapy, he'll start year 1 in 2011. We have access to OT's and all of that, but unless they are at home with us or travelling in the car with us, it's a bit hard to work on. The home situation is improving, removing him for a short time seems to curb his behavior, but the car rides are still a nightmare. It's not sensory as he doesn't have a problem with my sons voice when my son is talking directly to him....it's just that he seems not to want to share either me or my other sons time. It's a trial. We'll survive it though, there's worse things in life to have to deal with. Thanks for your input.

 
Old 04-02-2009, 09:11 PM   #8
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

glad the home situation is improving.

does your son understand the concept of turn taking yet? i know he's young but that helped my son cope with things like this when he was little. maybe the kids could take turns in talking in the car; start off with the 12 year old saying short sentences and then the little one gets his turn. maybe this would desensitize him somewhat to someone else getting your attention.

 
Old 04-04-2009, 05:10 PM   #9
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Re: My 4 year old won't let my 12 year old son talk to me.

Oh yes i can understand what you are going through as mine is 4 on the autism spectrum and wont let anyone talk to his sister she is a little older, also on the spectrum. He thinks the world is about him and thats it and you know most people feed into the behavior so it doesnt help. I love him and i think he doesnt mean it but acts as if he is "Gods gift to the world" It isnt just people not being able to say hello to my daughter they cant talk to me without him needing to be the center of attention and he talks loudly and says hi a million times, if he doesnt get the attention he tantrums which gets him even more attention.

Good luck maybe a behavior program may work, i am trying to get my child to a child psychiatrist cause the interventions dont totally work for him.

 
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