When is enough enough? - Autism Spectrum Message Board

seeme · 06-18-2009, 12:34 PM

I can't go on anymore.... Autism has ruined my life and I don't want to deal with it anymore!!! My husband is aspergers and so is my son. The entire world revolves around them. I want a husband to talk not talk at me. I just want to leave this house and never come back. I feel there is no purpose for me to even try anymore because everything I have done does not work. I deserve love and I deserve to have someone show me that they love me. I can't get it from my home. I want so badly to have a relationship not this stupid marriage I am stuck in. I do love my husband but he can't give me what I need. I need more I want more I deserve more. I am just venting!! I am past the point of crying I have cried so much I physically can't cry anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to leave but I can't. They need me. I try to be patient but for one day I just want a normal family life. One where we can go out to dinner or to a bar and have a drink. This life sucks and you know what sucks even more....you only get one chance at it and I am living this nightmare.

roses4lace · 06-18-2009, 11:16 PM

Sounds like you are in a situation where your needs aren't being met. Do you have close friends you can confide in, and trust their insights? Have you considered seeing a counselor? Trusted people and professionals can help talk through the pros and cons of various options. It sounds like you feel like you will have to "take care of them" the rest of your life. Hopefully, this situation will change for the better. Even a short vacation by yourself where you can do exactly what you want for a few days can help.

Believe it or not, some people with Asperger's can learn techniques to actually carry on a real conversation, rather than talking "at" someone, but it's hard, it takes the help of a professional, and the willingness to try something different. Most don't even know they are doing it, and have to be called out (gently) when it's happening. Until we "see" or "get caught in" our inappropriate behavior, or our life starts falling apart, we don't know there is anything that needs changing. You can get your son this kind of professional help, but your husband will have to decide on his own to get some social skills training, to help his marriage. Actually, it will help every part of a person's life to learn how to carry on a two-way conversation. Good luck.

needing2know · 09-24-2009, 03:46 PM

God bless you Seeme, I got on these posts to find help or a way out for my 12 yr old nephew. We have a real problem on our hands and after reading your post I felt compelled to reach out and try to offer comfort. My grandmother lived her whole life like that and I truly believe if not for her faith in God that she never would have made it, This was a woman who had her 1st child killed by her drunkin husband who accidentally rolled over and smothered in bed, and shoot guns off in the house when drunk , she raised lots of kids and kept them safe but there was very little good times from what i hear. Its true Seeme, its not what we planned on but you have to remember that things could be worse or still get worse in another situation? It could be Gods intention for you to be with them? We are buiding Pc's,planes,cars etc. and its sad that some don't even believe theres a creator? I always say take the safe obvious road

Its the sure hope in trying times. Sorry for being so long and off topic but always remember that sometimes the grass isnt greener over the hill and that your hardships arent going un-noticed, wish you the best

signed 44 yr old truck driver,ohio Ray

DannysMum · 09-25-2009, 01:17 PM

I can't say, go on...leave them and find a new life, but I can say we are here for you to cry out to...difficult to change them (some good thoughts from Roses on that one), so how about changing you a bit?
Can you find something for you.

I started to learn the cello last year and it has filled my life with love, joy and happiness! It really has changed the way I cope with autism and it's extreme frustrations (and with my other 'approaching adolescence' child!).
I am much calmer and can stand back a bit from the situation and not get so pulled down and miserable by it all.(which is why I searched for this site in the first place). I know it sounds melodramatic, but it is true! I can't believe I have found something that I feel so passionate about!

It's not too late to start learning something new. I started teaching a 70 year old the piano and that really inspired me. It doesn't have to be music (altho' it is a good one)... it could be art classes, dancing, walking etc etc something you've never done before would be the best... but what ever it is it has to be for YOU.

Merenwenrago · 09-25-2009, 04:44 PM

Well your story sounds like mine seeme my dad had aspergers and me. My mom decided to look after us. But after few years she couldnt take it and moved to a flat away from my dad.

My suggestion is divorce or move out before stress levels get too high for you.

If you want to stay with him i suggest trying to reason with him and explain what your needs are and what is irritating you if he doesnt listen still then divorce.

Also its good to go somewhere quiet for a weekend at your friends house or by yourself to a resort to relax. Also the worst thing to do is leave your child without a mother.

Also doubt counselling will help unless he actually accepts that he has autism.

Edit: Forgot to add find a quiet room and do a hobby you love to refresh your body and mind