I have never posted a message like this before but I am desperate. I am in my early forties, have always been I suppose socially awkward, I consider myself shy. I have worked in mental health (pretty funny eh?) Now I am in a relationship of more than 10 years that is well on the rocks, being told I am cold, emotionally unavailable, etc. Every relationship I have had I have been told this, and this time it came as a complete shock to me. However I suppose it really should not have, I can really go without physical touch etc. for quite a long time and am fine with talking and just "hanging out" really, I guess to me that was normal, I know it must sound nuts, evidently my perception of normal is quite skewed. I also have a long history of abuse from my childhood that I am sure is playing a part here as well which I thought I had laid to rest quite some time ago but all of this is really bringing my world apart.
So when I started reading some of this since I had some suspicions of autism a long time ago I took all of these tests and they kept telling me you are an aspie, damn I thought. But I hate it when my routine is disrupted which is also a thorn in our relationship let me tell you, truly impacts our social life since my BF is an extrovert. But no matter how hard I try when we talk I truly cannot seem to feel those emotions and understand where he is coming from which is truly scary, so should I tell him to move on since it is not fair, can this be remedied do I need to get tested take meds or what? I know this is long, forgive the length here.
I am a female mental health worker myself with Aspergers.
It can be difficult to determine how your childhood affects who you are now and who your true self has always been. I myself had a rough childhood.
Everything I experienced had to be broken down into algorithmic/mathematics/logical explanations. Once I figured out the 'whys' behind my childhood experiences (what happened and what caused it), I focused on my percpetions and reactions to childhood experiences. I do have feelings but expressing them to myself has been almost impossible. I figure out my feelings during retrospective thought about my behaiviour.
Some people believe that Aspies care too much and it's the shutting down that tends to be percieved as coldness etc. I believe this.
I'm 30, recently diagnosed after years of processes of elimination and consideration of my childhood experiences. Mind you, I was a quite child never objecting to much of anything or discussing things that didn't make sense. I would experience emotional abuse in different ways, I knew it was wrong and instead of focusing on how it made me feel, I was wrapped up in the science of it all.
I'd get the diagnosis, learn more about how you function and redefine your needs in a relationship and relationships with others so that you are not misunderstood and you can spend less time fighting about things based on misunderstandings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellydan7
I have never posted a message like this before but I am desperate. I am in my early forties, have always been I suppose socially awkward, I consider myself shy. I have worked in mental health (pretty funny eh?) Now I am in a relationship of more than 10 years that is well on the rocks, being told I am cold, emotionally unavailable, etc. Every relationship I have had I have been told this, and this time it came as a complete shock to me. However I suppose it really should not have, I can really go without physical touch etc. for quite a long time and am fine with talking and just "hanging out" really, I guess to me that was normal, I know it must sound nuts, evidently my perception of normal is quite skewed. I also have a long history of abuse from my childhood that I am sure is playing a part here as well which I thought I had laid to rest quite some time ago but all of this is really bringing my world apart.
So when I started reading some of this since I had some suspicions of autism a long time ago I took all of these tests and they kept telling me you are an aspie, damn I thought. But I hate it when my routine is disrupted which is also a thorn in our relationship let me tell you, truly impacts our social life since my BF is an extrovert. But no matter how hard I try when we talk I truly cannot seem to feel those emotions and understand where he is coming from which is truly scary, so should I tell him to move on since it is not fair, can this be remedied do I need to get tested take meds or what? I know this is long, forgive the length here.
