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Old 12-16-2009, 04:47 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 2
momagen HB User
Question help with my son

I have been talking to my 18yr old son, he has asked me if it is possible he could have autism, he ha\s been asked by a few people if he has it.
He told me he has always felt he was different. I know things are different with him to, but we never talked about it, I never really knew what autism was, I just thought it was just his character.
I asked him to write a list of things that he feels he does that are different than others.....He wrote a long list, which is typical of him, he has to be precise!

Can any one give me some advice, are these signs of autism, if so who can he go to see to confirm if he has autism or not

Prefer working and doing tasks alone
Repeat video and/or music and eventually know the speech word for word
Few passionate hobbies interests
Can talk about interests for a long time to anyone
Avoid eye contact most times
Avoid physical contact with family
Mild fear of talking to strangers either face to face or via phone. Other mediums not affected
Little to no slang used, formal speech (as this message is prooving)
Inability to see other person's perspective
Negative to bright areas
Poor handwriting, poor athletic coordination
Repetitive behaviour, ritualized activities (e.g. Formatting, placement, naming of music)
Difficulty maintaining multiple friends
Prefer activities which require little verbal interaction
Main interests are all of the following: Science, Technology, Computers and Animals
Avoid crowds

Unable to create clear images in my head
Lose sight of other things when engrossed in activity
Notice small sounds others cannot
Notice numberplates to a minor degree
Shown to be impolite whilst not being able to interprete this myself
Not able to imagine characters within a story physically
Not able to keep track of multiple conversations in a group
Do not find social situations easy
I notice insignificant details most people overlook or do not care about
Drawn strongly to objects rather than humans
Strong interests that I get upset about when I cannot persue for whatever reason (cost, talent etc)
Do not enjoy social chitchat
Not easy for others to talk whilst I'm speaking
Facinated with numbers
Sometimes unable to discover intentions of others, either in real life or in a story.
Hard to make friends, they tend to make friends with me instead of the reverse.
Notice patterns
I dont know how to keep a conversation going
Tend to concentrate of details rather than the big picture
Good at remembering some phone numbers when they contain pattern
It takes some time for me to notice if someone I am conversing with is getting bored
Do not find it easy to know when to speak over the phone
Cannot determine emotion based on facial expression easily
People tend to tell me I talk a lot about the same thing
I find it difficult to imagine to be someone else
I like to plan
I don't tend to enjoy social occassions very often, I only tend to go to them because I believe it's unhealthy to not go to any
New situations tend to make me anxious
I don't enjoy meeting new people

I would be grateful for some advice, he does not want all the wofrld to know he is concerned about why he does things.

Thank you for reading

 
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Old 12-16-2009, 05:30 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southeastern USA
Posts: 379
roses4lace HB User
Re: help with my son

Hi, I'm a female with Asperger's.

I suggest calling some psychologists and asking if they specialize in Asperger's, many do not and think they can handle all conditions. But they can't. We are a specialized "breed" of people!

A psychologist can listen to an "interaction gone wrong", pick it apart, and teach him where it went wrong, and how to handle that kind of situation. Generally, in my case at least, it's when the other party "expects" me to say or do something, or give some feedback, and I didn't know to do it, so they get mad at me, or the conversation goes haywire. Also, I get anxiety when going somewhere new, especially if it's an auditorium or building where lots of people are expected. My psychologist helps talk me through it, helping me find "safe" places, whether it's parking my car close, or finding the rest rooms as soon as I arrive, or sitting in a certain area, or getting a map of the building.

Take out a few of the items listed in your post, and it could be my list. This is not the "big bad thing" that it seems. Learning more about it helped me cope with the differences better, and since I was already 50 when my "problem" was discovered, I had already come up with my own ways of dealing with the world. Knowing why we do things helps us better meet our own needs. Even if that means learning "kind" ways to say I don't want to be with people that day. Or learning we can't have 2-3 social events in close succession, though one might be ok. Or understanding that when we do xxxx, it doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with us; just that most people do it differently. It's about an acceptance of ourselves and the courage to face people who try to tell us how "odd", "different', or "wrong" we are without blowing up or slinking off in shame. That's merely their opinion and no reflection of our reality.

Even though we don't generally seek out crowds or dinner companions, if he can find one or two others with Asperger's, and maybe bring a list of "our stuff" to talk about (his list you posted would do fine), it is amazing how easy it is to make a connection with other people who really do understand what one is saying, without having to explain to "typical" people who really just don't get our conversations and humor a lot of the time. Over the years I have gravitated to people who "don't fit the mold" and we've all been enriched by it.

Last edited by Administrator; 01-05-2010 at 10:35 PM. Reason: typo

 
Old 12-18-2009, 01:45 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: derbyshire
Posts: 4
aurora1992 HB User
Re: help with my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by momagen View Post
I have been talking to my 18yr old son, he has asked me if it is possible he could have autism, he ha\s been asked by a few people if he has it.
He told me he has always felt he was different. I know things are different with him to, but we never talked about it, I never really knew what autism was, I just thought it was just his character.
I asked him to write a list of things that he feels he does that are different than others.....He wrote a long list, which is typical of him, he has to be precise!

Can any one give me some advice, are these signs of autism, if so who can he go to see to confirm if he has autism or not

Prefer working and doing tasks alone
Repeat video and/or music and eventually know the speech word for word
Few passionate hobbies interests
Can talk about interests for a long time to anyone
Avoid eye contact most times
Avoid physical contact with family
Mild fear of talking to strangers either face to face or via phone. Other mediums not affected
Little to no slang used, formal speech (as this message is prooving)
Inability to see other person's perspective
Negative to bright areas
Poor handwriting, poor athletic coordination
Repetitive behaviour, ritualized activities (e.g. Formatting, placement, naming of music)
Difficulty maintaining multiple friends
Prefer activities which require little verbal interaction
Main interests are all of the following: Science, Technology, Computers and Animals
Avoid crowds

Unable to create clear images in my head
Lose sight of other things when engrossed in activity
Notice small sounds others cannot
Notice numberplates to a minor degree
Shown to be impolite whilst not being able to interprete this myself
Not able to imagine characters within a story physically
Not able to keep track of multiple conversations in a group
Do not find social situations easy
I notice insignificant details most people overlook or do not care about
Drawn strongly to objects rather than humans
Strong interests that I get upset about when I cannot persue for whatever reason (cost, talent etc)
Do not enjoy social chitchat
Not easy for others to talk whilst I'm speaking
Facinated with numbers
Sometimes unable to discover intentions of others, either in real life or in a story.
Hard to make friends, they tend to make friends with me instead of the reverse.
Notice patterns
I dont know how to keep a conversation going
Tend to concentrate of details rather than the big picture
Good at remembering some phone numbers when they contain pattern
It takes some time for me to notice if someone I am conversing with is getting bored
Do not find it easy to know when to speak over the phone
Cannot determine emotion based on facial expression easily
People tend to tell me I talk a lot about the same thing
I find it difficult to imagine to be someone else
I like to plan
I don't tend to enjoy social occassions very often, I only tend to go to them because I believe it's unhealthy to not go to any
New situations tend to make me anxious
I don't enjoy meeting new people

I would be grateful for some advice, he does not want all the wofrld to know he is concerned about why he does things.

Thank you for reading

 
Old 12-18-2009, 01:47 PM   #4
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: derbyshire
Posts: 4
aurora1992 HB User
Re: help with my son

hmm, yes i would say alot of these points apply to my brother who is diagnose autistic. it would be worth following it up with your docter. dont let them shrug you off tho fight for some kind of help even if its not for autism

 
Old 12-19-2009, 03:17 AM   #5
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 2
momagen HB User
Re: help with my son

Thank you so much for all your help.

I have pointed him in the right direction, he has seen a psychologist privately and has been diagnosed with Aspergers, he has finally 'got his badge' thats what he said, typical but I understand him.

Thank you again xx

 
Old 12-19-2009, 10:50 PM   #6
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southeastern USA
Posts: 379
roses4lace HB User
Re: help with my son

Oh, the Aspie badge, he's in good company! Life can only get better from here! Your attitude that all the "stuff" is just his character is something he will probably thank you for in the future. Being accepted as quirky is much better than being told how we must change who we are to fit in. We will change when we recognize there are other ways of doing things that will bring us better outcomes. We used to have an Aspie Adult group in my area, and we read down the list, item by item. It was all so familiar, and we laughed (and cried) to hear how each quirk manifested itself in our lives, and how we coped. A lot of fun and a lot of learning was going on, while learning to laugh at ourselves.

 
Old 12-21-2009, 06:11 AM   #7
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Location: California
Posts: 1,777
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Re: help with my son

Hi there,
I read your son's list... My 16 yr old son has autism , and I could also idenify with many of what your son wrote down to describe himself. in my son, although he has autism , he is higher functioning , but not so much to wear a Aspie badge.
Glad that your son has a name to how he has been feeling , and thinking. I am sure it has helped him better understand himself.

 
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